By foreveralone - 21/3/2020 06:00

Spin on this

Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1516

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337

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Trust

Deep-seated resentment

My body, my choice

By mydadsawsooomuch - 17/11/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41050

You deserved it

9772

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2020 21:02

Fashion Week, Bitch

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1555

You deserved it

122

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By ewwgross - 20/5/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38067

You deserved it

3636

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 17:00

Furry

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2297

You deserved it

132

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By lisahb - 19/6/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35321

You deserved it

3245

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By gingerninja - 2/11/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45338

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I was riding the public bus and a really fat, smelly guy sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and asked me if I was single. My stop wasn't for three more miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38750

You deserved it

3707

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By kenabrookee - 3/4/2013 05:48 - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43872

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By GatorBoi - 4/7/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14380

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2262

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By live2dance4ever - 6/7/2019 14:00

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1592

You deserved it

169

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2012 20:37 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24689

You deserved it

3675

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By snore - 19/4/2014 20:12 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46562

You deserved it

5591

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By fuundmental/// - 9/4/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43512

You deserved it

9921

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By doomeddaddy - 3/8/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

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31158

You deserved it

3203

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By LittleLou - 16/10/2016 04:28 - United States

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14560

You deserved it

1391

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By whoahshloann - 30/5/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23814

You deserved it

53945

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By anoynomous - 2/2/2010 05:47 - France

Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40583

You deserved it

5768

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By ouch - 13/8/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39906

You deserved it

4676

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2012 04:41 - United States

Today, I had my headphones on while on the bus. I didn't realize how loud the music was till the woman sitting next to me punched me for changing her favorite song and then "ignoring her" when she asked me to put it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26909

You deserved it

9071

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By ShampooThief - 12/4/2015 03:05 - United States

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30564

You deserved it

2994

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By WasntMe - 28/5/2018 20:30

In the words of Shaggy...

Today, my husband went through my phone and computer, accusing me of cheating. Baffled and hurt by the untrue accusation, I asked what he found that made him think that. He replied, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Apparently, no evidence IS evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3545

You deserved it

220

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By Rob - 7/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4635

You deserved it

348

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By Annoyed - 11/5/2016 01:23 - United States - Panama City Beach

Today, one of my students stole my wallet. I teach kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14326

You deserved it

1194

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39060

You deserved it

3186

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41295

You deserved it

4508

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By SadOral - 3/7/2019 00:01

Today, my wife fell asleep. I was giving her head at the time. Her snoring gave it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2394

You deserved it

812

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By Carolina R-h - 18/6/2019 16:30

Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

205

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By ima nerd - 25/12/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33187

You deserved it

5826

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By vegantreegirl - 4/2/2019 20:00

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2389

You deserved it

273

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By NOIDIDNOT - 19/11/2012 06:21 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27826

You deserved it

2935

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By Ggirl - 1/10/2013 19:41 - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64383

You deserved it

15303

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By MLeguillon - 1/9/2014 04:34 - United States - Imperial

Today, after years of wonderful flying experiences, I boarded a flight and took my seat only to find a baby sitting in front of me, behind me, and to the right of me, and across the aisle from me. All of whom decided to cry in unison. It was a 9-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52487

You deserved it

4214

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By gregoyles - 15/2/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I saw my male boss holding a purse. Just to be a smart ass, I made fun of him as if the purse was his. It was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12072

You deserved it

43984

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By Paul Rushing - 19/3/2020 15:00

Panic buying? What panic buying?

Today, at the supermarket where I work, we had at least 40 people waiting outside for us to open our doors at 7:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1559

You deserved it

118

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By Bluevayero - 12/3/2019 14:00

Today, I found out I lost a promotion intended for me because I was on planned vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2297

You deserved it

137

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 22:00

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3556

You deserved it

325

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By Salaryman - 15/2/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38608

You deserved it

4956

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By easyontheeyes1 - 1/5/2020 02:00

Romantic afterglow

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

405

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By Quackadoodledoo - 24/4/2014 02:21 - United Kingdom - Edgware

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39086

You deserved it

5380

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By izzy_the_pessimist - 10/9/2018 18:30

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3049

You deserved it

241

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Top comments

By Helmut Arias Rodriguez | 21

#7891096 - Saturday 21 March 2020 6:18

Still counts

By bloopaloop | 27

#7891248 - Saturday 21 March 2020 19:53

Everyone else in the circle isn’t 12 years old, are they?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7891095 - Saturday 21 March 2020 6:16

Who was your victim?

By Helmut Arias Rodriguez | 21

#7891096 - Saturday 21 March 2020 6:18

Still counts

By IlTiramisuEBuono | 6

#7891100 - Saturday 21 March 2020 6:21

All good. I’m not much younger than you and still haven’t been kissed yet

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7891190 - Saturday 21 March 2020 14:11

Get over yourself, I’m a 37 year old virgin. Buckle up butter cup shit is only getting worse from here.

Tristan Nichols | 8

#7891222 - Saturday 21 March 2020 17:42

I want to know how it is

bloopaloop | 27

#7891249 - Saturday 21 March 2020 19:54

It’s really not that hard to get laid

WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7891253 - Saturday 21 March 2020 20:01

How what is? Life?

WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7891254 - Saturday 21 March 2020 20:02

Did you actually see my face?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7891248 - Saturday 21 March 2020 19:53

Everyone else in the circle isn’t 12 years old, are they?

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7893491 - Monday 30 March 2020 7:04

Eh, I’ve had my first kiss from a gold digger at age 25 and 8 months, and to top it off she was drunk 🤦‍♂️