Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/08/2019 12:00

Today, a stranger at the grocery store rubbed my belly and asked me when I'm due. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 234

Our house, in the middle of our street

Batman

Stop talking!

Oversharing is caring

By Lauren - 12/10/2011 17:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 375

You deserved it 2 846

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 218

You deserved it 4 362

By SMV - 11/11/2008 06:53 - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 723

You deserved it 5 891

Kids…

By Satan'sChildren - 28/04/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 3 245

By purple - 29/01/2010 11:22 - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 126

You deserved it 10 413

By Annon - 26/11/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 769

You deserved it 2 467

By sastgamer - 21/05/2016 17:46 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 337

You deserved it 1 761

By deserved - 29/10/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 314

You deserved it 5 173

By Anonymous - 04/07/2014 22:02 - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my 11-year-old son and I took an IQ test for a laugh. To be honest, I've often suspected that I may have some form of mental retardation, but I didn't expect to get a score of 79, while he got one of 114. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 495

You deserved it 7 513

By --- - 06/07/2015 20:52 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 528

You deserved it 12 846

By moosemay - 02/04/2013 15:04 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 566

You deserved it 4 375

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 378

You deserved it 6 240

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 79

I think it's cool

By Elizabeth Ann - 21/09/2018 14:00

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 1 000

By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 180

You deserved it 175

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 94

By Argh - 24/11/2018 03:00 - United States - Longview

Today, my boss reached a new low when, after three software upgrades, she refused to let me update the user manual that I wrote a year ago. She has also cancelled the training sessions I set up to help people learn the new software. People are asking me why I'm not doing my job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 259

You deserved it 161

By veggocake - 26/09/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 63 298

Mistaken identity

By thedogwalker - 09/08/2020 08:02

Today, I was out walking my dog, when a lady called out to me asking, “Is that a boy or a girl?” Assuming she meant the dog, I told her that he was a boy. When I turned away, I heard her say to her kid, “I was talking about the person walking the dog, but whatever,” then audibly laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 00:22 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 080

You deserved it 2 627

By Jimbo - 25/05/2010 09:29 - United States

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 271

You deserved it 2 788

By KathleenSchuler - 05/03/2013 03:38 - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 085

You deserved it 3 572

By oww - 09/03/2010 11:14 - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 217

You deserved it 38 188

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 01:00

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 14:10 - Australia - Niagara Park

Today, I set up a hidden camera in my room so I could prove that my sister beats me up when my parents aren't home, since they always accuse me of lying about it. When I showed them, they wasted no time accusing me of "provoking" her off-camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 455

You deserved it 888

Slipping

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 20:01

Today, I called one of my coworkers to ask him where he was, because I needed him to come downstairs. After 2 minutes of yelling on the phone to come downstairs, I realized I'd called the wrong person, and was actually on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, who took me 6 months to get over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 906

By tash - 24/05/2011 12:33 - Canada

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 901

You deserved it 9 445

By Kendra_Nine - 16/01/2013 18:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 682

You deserved it 31 036

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 936

You deserved it 51 623

By Melinda - 10/12/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 617

You deserved it 2 884

By unlucky - 27/10/2011 08:06 - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 2 726

By "ironyyyyyyy" -_- - 31/10/2013 16:58 - United States - Marion

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness of pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 927

You deserved it 6 195

By a268 - 02/02/2009 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 209

You deserved it 3 296

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 08:56 - United Kingdom - Dunmow

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 117

You deserved it 5 506

By jobless1 - 05/07/2015 04:04

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "lmao" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 472

You deserved it 2 104

By indierocklove - 03/08/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 350

You deserved it 8 756

By amilia - 07/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 309

By Recon - 17/03/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 572

You deserved it 8 391

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 618

You deserved it 8 514

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 3 882

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

raven_of_azarath 34

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2019 12:56

First of all, it’s rude to assume someone’s pregnant. Second of all, why do pregnant women suddenly lose autonomy of their bodies so that complete strangers can come up and touch them? That’s never ok, and I totally don’t get why that’s a thing.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2019 15:57

Can I suggest you’re a douche and don’t know basic grammar? Rude shit, man.

Comments

raven_of_azarath 34

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2019 12:56

First of all, it’s rude to assume someone’s pregnant. Second of all, why do pregnant women suddenly lose autonomy of their bodies so that complete strangers can come up and touch them? That’s never ok, and I totally don’t get why that’s a thing.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2019 21:01

It is the affirmation of life, people want to feel, it makes them connect to humanity. And it is a most beautiful feeling, joyous. In fortunately the individual was not pregnant

jc1015 23

Send a private message

Thursday 17 October 2019 2:53

don't care how joyous you wanna feel...don't touch people (especially strangers) without their permission. seriously you should've learned the keep your hands to yourself thing in preschool

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2019 17:24

There's still belly-touching among strangers? I thought that went the way of hitch-hiking.

Mungolikecandy 19

Tuesday 27 August 2019 17:52

Why would someone think it is acceptable to touch a random stranger?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Send a private message

Saturday 31 August 2019 7:25

I despise when people do that. It's bad enough that someone asks when you're due if they don't know for a fact you're pregnant - this person actually TOUCHED you without your consent? Pretty sure that's some sort of crime you could report...

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 43

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 79

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 31