Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my...

By ___Ruby_____

Today, as I rushed to get my pants on, I slipped and bashed my forehead against the solid oak back board of my bed. School starts in 30 minutes and I look like I lost a boxing match horribly. FML

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2444

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Commando

The View

Monetize your shit life

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

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13805

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1213

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By drama king? - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53438

You deserved it

5975

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By nothreat33 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

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18993

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3712

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By JadeDemolition - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19611

You deserved it

8711

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By possiblyoverweight - United Kingdom

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44791

You deserved it

4356

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42642

You deserved it

18753

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9485

You deserved it

46556

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By joolsie - United Kingdom

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51720

You deserved it

3571

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By melikeyturtles - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32159

You deserved it

8358

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By BackToRehab - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33978

You deserved it

3542

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By jannister - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33789

You deserved it

2138

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By Joe - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17993

You deserved it

138017

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By britt71411 - United States

Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48497

You deserved it

5682

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By Godfree - United States

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43753

You deserved it

3213

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10170

You deserved it

2459

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By Anonymous - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks

24375

You deserved it

3275

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By Scarlett - Canada - Barrie

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37651

You deserved it

3570

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By jam - Australia

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26513

You deserved it

7686

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I started having chest pains and shortness of breath. I thought I was having a heart attack and I asked my husband to take me to the hospital. He told me to wait because he'd just ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34350

You deserved it

3215

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 02:01

Medicare for all, please

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my 6 ovarian cyst rupture. The pain meds have already worn off and my vag hurts. I also had my gallbladder removed last June, and my right ovary removed last January. The staff here remember me. Most expensive friends I've ever had. FML

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1574

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By Anonymous

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

100

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML

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23072

You deserved it

8462

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By Oja1 - United States

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33437

You deserved it

27529

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By Rowden - Australia

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45110

You deserved it

9581

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By shugberry - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1683

You deserved it

115

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By JennaMarie - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47253

You deserved it

17722

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By shira512 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26098

You deserved it

4002

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By Gloria Lovestar

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1528

You deserved it

180

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By Gina - Thailand

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26231

You deserved it

9554

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By Notthemaid - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom about how my fiancé has been ignoring me and that I didn't know why. Turns out, my mother told him that I was too much of a handful, was mentally disturbed and also cheating on him. Just so I wouldn't move out and would keep cleaning her house for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56376

You deserved it

2858

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By Alittlebitiffy - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10123

You deserved it

697

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By confused - France

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33057

You deserved it

4514

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By lifesux - United States

Classic playa move

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40322

You deserved it

3811

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19560

You deserved it

53479

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By fatty - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60593

You deserved it

10542

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By Depressed - Sudan

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26237

You deserved it

40815

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26154

You deserved it

1927

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By Anonymous - United States - Wapakoneta

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28894

You deserved it

3335

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 21:32 - India

Knock next time please

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

741

You deserved it

596

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By AnDroidZ_BabY - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

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36333

You deserved it

3808

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Top comments

By Jeremy Phillips | 18

#7705524 - Monday 8 October 2018 13:03

Hope you’re oaky.

By TheBigSneeze | 22

#7705533 - Monday 8 October 2018 13:27

oh he will be fine, he'll just need to log that in.

COMMENTS

By Jeremy Phillips | 18

#7705524 - Monday 8 October 2018 13:03

Hope you’re oaky.

TheBigSneeze | 22

#7705533 - Monday 8 October 2018 13:27

oh he will be fine, he'll just need to log that in.

Jeremy Phillips | 18

#7705538 - Monday 8 October 2018 13:37

Fuck that was beautiful

By Yudith | 20

#7705594 - Monday 8 October 2018 15:47

Take a selfie. You will need it when you come back from your doctor's appointment to get the stitches you obviously need and the dimwit forgets to give you your doctor's note.