Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of... - FML

By - 4/3/2017 02:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML

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Hello everyone!

Peaky Bladders

Toxic parents

By WeakerThanaLittleGirl - 5/2/2013 01:00 - United States

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

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By roostergirl - 22/8/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. As I was leaving his house I hear him shout "Hey! Wait! Sweetie, come back here!". He was talking to his cat who ran out the door behind me. FML

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By burnedboy - 18/1/2010 19:39 - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

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By Robert - 6/4/2018 05:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

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By Palf - 30/8/2010 11:40 - Germany

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 02:12 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 18:51

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

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By BabyButt - 9/4/2014 17:50 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

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By jimmy_poison - 9/2/2015 00:19 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my date bumped into her ex-husband, who decided to join us for the rest of the dinner. FML

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By Gabrielguitar - 25/4/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

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By - 27/12/2017 05:00

Maybe he is gay!

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

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By Baustigt - 22/8/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

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By brie - 2/11/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Peek a boo

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

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By Spadiethestar - 31/7/2009 08:36 - France

Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML

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By tbright010 - 8/4/2011 22:48 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

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By noway6000 - 3/3/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

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By sirttocs - 14/5/2019 00:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I remembered what I did in my sleep last night. Turns out, in my sleep, I grabbed her crotch and said, “Just making sure you’re not Shae.” Shae is her sister. FML

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By telefucked - 31/7/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

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By denae92 - 4/10/2019 04:00

Great timing

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my boyfriend that I love him. We've been dating almost a year and in a few days we will be moving into the same apartment building and attending the same college. He said, "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." FML

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By Tick - 20/8/2018 22:35

Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML

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By Cian_1 - 28/12/2016 18:30 - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 16:56 - Netherlands - Gennep

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

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By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2014 00:20 - Australia - Spearwood

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

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By Nicky_ham - 6/1/2016 04:56 - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

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By Savy - 8/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I have a better relationship with the machinery I've given names to at work than my actual coworkers. FML

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By SpooningLeadstoForking - 29/6/2017 00:00

Fork that

Today, during my second day on the job, I ate pasta with a pen in the backroom. My old job provided plasticware, and it never occurred to me to pack a fork. FML

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By uggg - 23/1/2015 18:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

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By cjbutterfly96 - 17/12/2015 15:54 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy for the second time, and he was helping me buy a Christmas present for my dad. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, he was gone. He left me alone and took my dad's present with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2012 04:18 - United States - Burnsville

Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 02:00

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

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By Matt - 20/3/2011 05:08 - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

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By grossed the f out - 13/12/2010 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2019 00:00

Today, someone misread some details of my dating profile on an app and thought I was subtly indicating that I'm a prostitute. In fact, I'm a shy 33-year-old virgin who's never been kissed and has obviously been failing at using dating apps and websites for years. I guess now I know one thing I did wrong. FML

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By yoyo22 - 5/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

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By noononononono - 21/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

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By fuckmee - 1/8/2017 05:00

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend a few years after I slept with his boss and got him fired. He is now a multi-millionaire investor and won't take me back. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2018 19:00

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me re-Pete because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7419896 - Saturday 4 March 2017 2:18

What does your male friend have to say about it?

By darshini_ii | 24

#7419939 - Saturday 4 March 2017 5:11

Either they're very thick or your "friend" is very convincing. Oh wait, should be both.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7419896 - Saturday 4 March 2017 2:18

What does your male friend have to say about it?

By bolt_fire112 | 3

#7419908 - Saturday 4 March 2017 3:11

Ask him to talk to your parents.

By bolt_fire112 | 3

#7419909 - Saturday 4 March 2017 3:13

His*

By trumpet27 | 1

#7419911 - Saturday 4 March 2017 3:19

Parents these days.

Reply

species4872 | 19

#7419931 - Saturday 4 March 2017 4:45

Same as most days.

By darshini_ii | 24

#7419939 - Saturday 4 March 2017 5:11

Either they're very thick or your "friend" is very convincing. Oh wait, should be both.

By nykkiyo16 | 13

#7419979 - Saturday 4 March 2017 8:08

It's okay. They'll upgrade you to girlfriend status after the wedding.

Reply

ShotaSammy | 17

#7420167 - Saturday 4 March 2017 19:08

It shows OP's gender as male

By sgdigaetano | 3

#7420141 - Saturday 4 March 2017 18:02

Well I guess that would be on your boyfriend for not making the relationship clear to his parents.

By thatslifeiguess7 | 15

#7420234 - Saturday 4 March 2017 21:22

My beast in law is a hexenbeast! Seriously she refuses to acknowledge me except as my wife's roommate or Kells um barbara. what am a pet?
jehovahs witness at its finest

By Kpotassium | 4

#7421733 - Tuesday 7 March 2017 23:22

your gender is set to male.