The Top

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By got to be kidding me - 02/05/2019 14:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 298

Staycation time

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 13:05 - United Kingdom

Today, £250 of money belonging to work was stolen from my handbag. My boss says I have to pay it back because I'm the one that signed out the cash. There goes the holiday I was about to book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 342

You deserved it 1 045

By IwishIwashigh - 01/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 529

You deserved it 7 377

By Drewski - 22/12/2016 00:11 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I'm recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 270

You deserved it 632

By Sad elf - 15/12/2016 13:42 - Australia - Brookfield

Today, after weeks of tirelessly organising a Secret Santa with work colleagues, we finally exchanged gifts. I got a stapler, which had been stolen from my desk the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 950

You deserved it 679

By yellowthumb - 03/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 605

You deserved it 583

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 934

You deserved it 4 877

By Confused - 23/10/2016 05:05

Today, I woke up two hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 581

You deserved it 637

By Canadagirl - 24/08/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 318

You deserved it 323

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 4 108

By Sarah Ellsberry - 13/09/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 07/10/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out of the blue and with complete seriousness, he asked me if I want kids anytime soon. This wouldn't be odd if we weren't both 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 583

Thanks?

By Anonymous - 23/12/2017 06:00

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 240

You deserved it 582

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 3 235

By Anonymous - 04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 438

You deserved it 703

By ouagadougou - 24/02/2009 11:02 - United States

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 120

You deserved it 31 841

By FailedTraveller - 04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 675

You deserved it 363

By yuhan - 22/07/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 900

You deserved it 545

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 2 880

By Nickname - 27/08/2018 06:00

Today, I came home to find my wife and my ex-wife naked in my bed. Apparently they've been in a relationship for five months. When I told my kids, they said that they were helping to keep the secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 280

Rehab

By Anonymous - 06/09/2018 22:24

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 986

You deserved it 499

By Poorlittlelady - 08/10/2018 22:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 157

You deserved it 682

Good tasting

By Anonymous - 15/12/2019 03:00 - Canada - Saint-hubert

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 833

By tdtf - 16/03/2016 09:11 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, the company I work for decided to herald the step to becoming fully digital by hanging physical passive-aggressive flyers everywhere, urging everyone to go digital. Might as well have written, "Save the trees" on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 819

You deserved it 1 512

Missing

By SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 001

You deserved it 1 938

By ninja breakup? - 11/10/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 360

By SaraSkyWolf - 17/10/2018 22:00

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 830

You deserved it 1 312

By Stevejobs - 26/11/2018 17:30

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 143

You deserved it 209

Bipartisan spirit

By NormtheNorm - 21/09/2019 15:00 - United States - Enterprise

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 416

You deserved it 403

By Anonymous - 05/05/2017 21:00 - Colombia

Today I returned home after three months of vacation. None of my friends had even realized I had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 326

You deserved it 591

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 313

You deserved it 3 298

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 186

You deserved it 3 852

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 992

You deserved it 32 229

Today, my fiance said his cat is going to be my maid of honor at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 028

You deserved it 2 974

Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 3 175

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 938

You deserved it 4 773