By Unreasonable - 23/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

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You can't win

Be prepared

No Gods, No Masters

By H4rd_Man - United Kingdom

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

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By wintersoldier - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

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By hesaidwhat - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 08:01

Miss me yet?

Today, after I kicked my boyfriend out, thinking the sudden separation would make him value our relationship more, I heard he's spent the last 3 weeks at his brother's constantly playing Xbox, hasn’t called me once, and now I’m hearing rumours he’s been taking other women home from sleazy bars. FML

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By Oliver Beck - 17/10/2020 08:03

Time just flies by

Today, I found out the girl I like is in love with someone else. Five weeks ago, she told me she's never been in love. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

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By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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By whatproject - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

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By sucks4me - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 05:01

Right place, wrong person

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

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By mapollis - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

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By Zekrome - Canada - Markham

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

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By sealpop09 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

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By prettysmellingbedroom - United States

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

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By really

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

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By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

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By theflasher - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

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By Notyourstepmom - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

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By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04 - United States

Some winners…

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

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By lovemyteacher - United States

Today, I got my science test back. I thought I did a horrible job on it, but only three were circled. I was happy but doubtful that I did so well, so I asked my teacher just to make sure. He said it was faster to circle the correct answers. FML

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By p!nk - 12/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Policy schmolicy

Today, I let my daughter dye her hair pink. I got an email from her school stating that the hair color violated the school dress code as it's “distracting,” and she will not be allowed to attend classes until she changes it. We do school over Zoom. Not sure how her hair distracts on a screen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML

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By Scaryman - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

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By booger - United States - Plano

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

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By creepycrawley247 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

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By TheSickness - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Iola

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

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By notanidiot - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

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By aaannnddd there goes my boner - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

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By broken - Australia

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

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By caswell 1 - United States

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

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By TimeForANewJob

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By Tey - United States

Today, on my first day of work, I got fired after 45 minutes. FML

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By OompaLoompa - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

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Top comments

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7891690 - Monday 23 March 2020 14:29

I still wouldn’t go, if she can’t understand why, you don’t need her as a friend anyway!

By Cooper201288 | 16

#7891686 - Monday 23 March 2020 14:12

your friend is an asshole

COMMENTS

By Cooper201288 | 16

#7891686 - Monday 23 March 2020 14:12

your friend is an asshole

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7891690 - Monday 23 March 2020 14:29

I still wouldn’t go, if she can’t understand why, you don’t need her as a friend anyway!

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7891694 - Monday 23 March 2020 14:36

call the cops on her wedding

By chyiochan | 31

#7891706 - Monday 23 March 2020 16:02

She may not have a choice if she's renting a location/items for the wedding itself.

If shes hosting at her house, Show up in a beautiful yellow hazmat suit!

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7891719 - Monday 23 March 2020 16:32

Nah, you're crazy!

Obviously, a white Tyvek biohazard suit is what she should wear! Yellow?!?! Are you from the 60s? Ha!

Reply

chyiochan | 31

#7891744 - Monday 23 March 2020 20:01

I was respecting the bride being the only one who wears white!

Reply

DoctorPALO | 11

#7891999 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 18:26

Bullshit. If an event center or caterer won't work with her in the midst of the Coronavirus event, they don't deserve her business. If she's crazy enough to try and FORCE people out, screw her. The health of her family is more important than any outside events.

Reply

JuliaKay14 | 32

#7892065 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 21:50

No gatherings over a certain number people are supposed to happen, so a catering company is not at all obligated to serve her wedding

By RichardPencil | 29

#7891714 - Monday 23 March 2020 16:15

Looks like you have to go, and you'd better bring a good gift, too.

This is the downside of having friends.

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7891739 - Monday 23 March 2020 19:18

Seems like she could have coronavirus and wants to pass it on before it kills her

By lifeis4me | 20

#7891776 - Monday 23 March 2020 21:31

Tell her to have fun alone at her wedding

By Fiona Ashe_1844920076 | 3

#7891778 - Monday 23 March 2020 21:51

inform the authorities for safety reasons.

By TomeDr | 21

#7891805 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 0:41

I would call her a “friend“, especially since your mother is sick.

By Suzi_d16 | 26

#7891811 - Tuesday 24 March 2020 1:29

Joke’s on her. Lockdown from tonight and all weddings cancelled. I bet she wishes she had wedding insurance now.