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By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 238

By tazthespaz - 29/12/2016 03:18 - United States - Comstock Park

Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were in the middle of having his wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 221

You deserved it 397

By Sally - 01/11/2018 03:00 - United States

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 842

You deserved it 1 332

The magic of love

By robot lady - 23/09/2020 23:01

Today, I learned just how “old fashioned” my girlfriend is when we talked about marriage. She said it should be approached as a logically as possible and that I make an ideal partner, based on my ability to provide. And while she sees sex as uninteresting, it is a wifely duty she’s willing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 220

Bad, bad, bad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 10:30 - United States - Saint Joseph

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 473

You deserved it 15 701

By got to be kidding me - 02/05/2019 20:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 299

Staycation time

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 14:05 - United Kingdom

Today, £250 of money belonging to work was stolen from my handbag. My boss says I have to pay it back because I'm the one that signed out the cash. There goes the holiday I was about to book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 348

You deserved it 1 048

By IwishIwashigh - 01/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 7 382

By yellowthumb - 03/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 609

You deserved it 585

By emisara93 - 15/11/2016 00:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the insurance that my husband signed us up with for next year doesn't cover any of our doctors. Now we need to find 4 different doctors who take our insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 044

You deserved it 876

By Canadagirl - 24/08/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 321

You deserved it 323

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 4 129

By Sarah Ellsberry - 13/09/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 156

You deserved it 298

By fuckingcool - 18/08/2016 21:19 - United States - Farmington

Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 435

You deserved it 10 389

fuckingcool tells us more.

fuckingcool 10

Monday 22 August 2016 19:05

I never claimed that I was "cool" for drinking and I wasn't bragging only telling my friends about a fun experience I had celebrating my sisters engagement. I had gotten into a 21 and up club and I only brought it up because they had been sharing similar experiences that they had. Hop off your high horse and don't shame me for drinking underaged when people in Europe start drinking by age 16 the latest, I was 18. I didn't drive, I didn't get sloppy or make out with any strangers. I just had a fun night of dancing and some drinks with my sisters and her friends. Arrest me!

By Anonymous - 07/10/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out of the blue and with complete seriousness, he asked me if I want kids anytime soon. This wouldn't be odd if we weren't both 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 774

You deserved it 584

Thanks?

By Anonymous - 23/12/2017 06:00

Today, I went out with a guy who, about 20 minutes into our dinner, said, "Wow, you don't sweat much for a fat chick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 250

You deserved it 587

Kinda heartless, but OK

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been almost a month and a half of no intimacy between my boyfriend and me. To spice things up, I started going down on him. He burst out crying after a couple of minutes because he "misses his sister." The funeral was nearly 2 months ago already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 3 263

By Anonymous - 04/04/2018 01:30

Today, while visiting my son at university, I noticed a funky smell in his room. He admitted to not changing his bedsheets since he moved in 2.5 years ago. I’ve raised an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 445

You deserved it 706

By ouagadougou - 24/02/2009 11:02 - United States

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 122

You deserved it 31 843

By LaundryVictim - 15/06/2016 20:50

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 600

You deserved it 1 147

By Loki16 - 02/06/2016 08:40 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 541

You deserved it 763

By FailedTraveller - 04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 678

You deserved it 365

By yuhan - 22/07/2018 19:00

Today, while walking around outside with my friends, I was told that I have no right to complain about the heat since I'm not fat. Thirty minutes later, I had sweat out all the liquid in my body and promptly passed out from heat stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 906

You deserved it 546

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 146

You deserved it 2 886

By Nickname - 27/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I came home to find my wife and my ex-wife naked in my bed. Apparently they've been in a relationship for five months. When I told my kids, they said that they were helping to keep the secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 553

You deserved it 282

Rehab

By Anonymous - 06/09/2018 22:24

Spicy

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 998

You deserved it 501

By Poorlittlelady - 09/10/2018 05:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 162

You deserved it 685

Missing

By SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 005

You deserved it 1 947

By ninja breakup? - 11/10/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 647

You deserved it 362

By SaraSkyWolf - 17/10/2018 22:00

Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 836

You deserved it 1 315

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The Top

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Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 208

You deserved it 539

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 273

You deserved it 1 002

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 044

You deserved it 52 972

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 293

You deserved it 45 072

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 885

You deserved it 18 931

Today, I had a video call with my boss, but my internet connection was so bad that my video feed ended up freezing in the most unflattering pose possible. I had to explain to my boss that I wasn't actually making a weird face on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 87