Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
It’s too bad that he got turned off when your breasts functioned for their main purpose. Being there for our visual and squeezing pleasure is just a nice bonus!
Dave_Davington 35
I'm guessing you're the one who was supposed to be shot in the face with white liquid.
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Comments (20)
stormy0307 16
Some people are into that sort of thing. Just make sure to discuss what happened with him so you both are on the same page about it.
colderthanyou 15
Hahaha oh yes, you might have to remind him of that the first few times.. or every time.
Dave_Davington 35
I'm guessing you're the one who was supposed to be shot in the face with white liquid.
Sonotsuave 37
I don’t know why this made me laugh really hard haha. That’s funny I just imagined a cow I’m sorry
mssileas 25
OK I'm sorry this is super hilarious from an outsider's POV. But hey, at least you do know that the passion is back, doesn't happen for all couples, and hopefully you can laugh about it after your first actual successful romp. :)
RichardPencil 32
It’s too bad that he got turned off when your breasts functioned for their main purpose. Being there for our visual and squeezing pleasure is just a nice bonus!
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
not your fault your husband isn't kinky
Miss Beep 14
Currently 32 weeks and can't wait to use my boobs like squirt guns on my boyfriend! 😂
LPS8585 26
I do this regularly 🤣
chosha_fml 27
That is pretty funny. Laugh it off and try again.
Rusty Armstrong 13
Yum