Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out...

By Anonymous - 7/10/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out of the blue and with complete seriousness, he asked me if I want kids anytime soon. This wouldn't be odd if we weren't both 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3718

You deserved it

565

Favorite

Love

Kids

School

You snooze, you lose

The Summoner

FML every way you look at it

By Blerp - 22/1/2017 10:00

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6638

You deserved it

569

Favorite

By anonymous - 23/4/2013 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50856

You deserved it

4177

Favorite

By I hate retail - 17/10/2016 22:12 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for refusing to give a found credit card to a woman it didn't belong to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10950

You deserved it

751

Favorite

By tax-man - 2/3/2013 02:35 - United States - Chapin

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38178

You deserved it

9054

Favorite

By fat and broke - 28/6/2015 07:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my cleavage got me out of a speeding ticket. That is, until the officer looked up long enough to realize I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26775

You deserved it

4573

Favorite

By Bad Parent - 23/5/2011 11:58

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44007

You deserved it

4459

Favorite

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/5/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39204

You deserved it

5607

Favorite

By i.ask.you.how. - 12/7/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49532

You deserved it

20514

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24573

You deserved it

4491

Favorite

By FlyingPain - 5/8/2016 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14724

You deserved it

1366

Favorite

By Garrison - 18/12/2017 15:40 - United States - Anchorage

I'm innocent!

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

I agree, your life sucks

6491

You deserved it

400

Favorite

By kmb04 - 2/8/2009 15:12 - Canada

Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks

47724

You deserved it

33669

Favorite

By NormtheNorm - 21/9/2019 15:00 - United States - Enterprise

Bipartisan spirit

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2240

You deserved it

327

Favorite

By naughtyshirt - 22/8/2009 09:29 - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39725

You deserved it

4475

Favorite

By ihateveganism - 22/8/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41065

You deserved it

9892

Favorite

By laptopsRus - 19/5/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23859

You deserved it

45077

Favorite

By it's awkward - 11/8/2015 16:22 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22746

You deserved it

3635

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 20:00

Addicted to love

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

893

You deserved it

940

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/8/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35342

You deserved it

6885

Favorite

By RoxMySox - 25/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28345

You deserved it

6674

Favorite

By fmylife - 26/8/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9843

You deserved it

68694

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50198

You deserved it

6252

Favorite

By Camille - 14/7/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

I agree, your life sucks

56384

You deserved it

4666

Favorite

By JobHunter - 28/7/2009 12:27 - Malta

Today, on my way to work I stopped at a winery and spent around $120 on 2 bottles of wine for my boss, since it was his birthday. When I gave him the gift, in exchange he let me know I am being laid off - his consolation was "if you can afford this wine I'm sure you'll be OK". FML

I agree, your life sucks

53063

You deserved it

4272

Favorite

By Kilania - 10/9/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1611

You deserved it

581

Favorite

By Backstabber<3 - 6/3/2018 19:00

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6072

You deserved it

435

Favorite

By biblepain - 28/3/2015 02:12 - United States - Tucson

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36183

You deserved it

2201

Favorite

By ihatemyjob - 15/8/2016 19:12

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13478

You deserved it

1010

Favorite

By ChangoFett - 26/5/2013 06:46 - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20129

You deserved it

50717

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26523

You deserved it

5214

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/4/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50468

You deserved it

36839

Favorite

By Daryll - 22/1/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24152

You deserved it

4351

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/2/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28414

You deserved it

2387

Favorite

By Noname - 20/2/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20379

You deserved it

124763

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/2/2016 16:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19814

You deserved it

1331

Favorite

By nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/9/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26459

You deserved it

1785

Favorite

By Space†Witch - 3/1/2019 04:00

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I am 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band that hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2957

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By jumbledgirl - 10/1/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27338

You deserved it

2467

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 05:01 - United States - Arbuckle

Countdown

Today, I broke my ankle trying to step over a pipe, but instead slipped and put all of my weight on my left ankle. I'm scheduled for surgery in 3 days, which will be my 1-month countdown to my due date. I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1427

You deserved it

126

Favorite

By Anna L. - 25/3/2013 00:23 - United States - San Antonio

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36067

You deserved it

6535

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7549846 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:37

So how many kids does he want to try making?

By Notmymonkeysnotmycircus | 16

#7549860 - Saturday 7 October 2017 21:34

“Why yes I have been! I’m glad you said something! I thought I was crazy, How do you want yours? I’m thinking deep fried or barbecued but it’s totally up to your personal taste”

COMMENTS

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7549832 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:14

Run!!

By wightkid | 11

#7549836 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:19

Uhhhh...

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7549846 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:37

So how many kids does he want to try making?

By thehaystackerine | 20

#7549848 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:43

When we had our first I was 25, my wife 27,we had been together for 9 years, married the last 2. At times I thought that WE were too young.

By Elijahboi86 | 2

#7549859 - Saturday 7 October 2017 21:30

lol run away

By Notmymonkeysnotmycircus | 16

#7549860 - Saturday 7 October 2017 21:34

“Why yes I have been! I’m glad you said something! I thought I was crazy, How do you want yours? I’m thinking deep fried or barbecued but it’s totally up to your personal taste”

By really_dad? | 13

#7549872 - Saturday 7 October 2017 22:31

Say yes! Get on Teen Mom and roll in the money

Tony Friddle | 11

#7549977 - Sunday 8 October 2017 3:35

please don't listen to this moron.

By ezrajab | 22

#7549877 - Saturday 7 October 2017 22:46

Run! Run far and run fast

By OCD_NME | 17

#7549882 - Saturday 7 October 2017 22:50

Your bfs stupidity shows how you are just kids yourselves. Don't do it.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7549913 - Saturday 7 October 2017 23:51

So the myths are true, baby crazy dudes do exists.