Love, Kids and School: Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was chilling with my boyfriend of 2 years when, out of the blue and with complete seriousness, he asked me if I want kids anytime soon. This wouldn't be odd if we weren't both 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3722

You deserved it

565

Favorite

Love

Kids

School

Mystery woman

Time for the ER

Property law

By Sexless from Texas - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28921

You deserved it

13701

Favorite

By kevcng - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24642

You deserved it

7956

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pensacola

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26161

You deserved it

2397

Favorite

By ouch - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34649

You deserved it

8935

Favorite

By smokin - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32007

You deserved it

5353

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58640

You deserved it

3681

Favorite

By Kaji - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44442

You deserved it

23988

Favorite

By crazygirl12 - United States

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48792

You deserved it

3800

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I still have the bronchitis and the stomach flu that I suffered through all weekend. Today was to be the day I had my bachelorette party and wedding shower. I had to call both of them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28824

You deserved it

2342

Favorite

By J Claire Sanchez - 22/3/2020 15:56

No rest for the heroes

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1943

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

92204

You deserved it

19340

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

143148

You deserved it

16355

Favorite

By Mils - Australia - Blackburn

Maternal monitoring

Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3143

You deserved it

849

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 05:00

Alexa, play "Living Doll" by Cliff Richard

Today, my boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere, supposedly because I act like he's nothing but a sex doll. We've been dating 6 weeks and have had sex twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By drug testing - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43045

You deserved it

15242

Favorite

By dr immature - United States - Washington

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23364

You deserved it

48521

Favorite

By kristine29 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32301

You deserved it

2790

Favorite

By Oops - Australia

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29940

You deserved it

6060

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down the stairs while reading the 'mind your step' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28444

You deserved it

14568

Favorite

By James

Today, while standing in line to get my driver's license renewed, I hiccuped and burped at the same time. I was so flustered that I ended up telling an entire room full of people that I had the 'herps'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4053

You deserved it

750

Favorite

By ifhehadadickforaheaditdbefuckingsmall - Cyprus - Strovolos

Today, my husband was arrested for having sex in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50596

You deserved it

4845

Favorite

By Vkaz - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37054

You deserved it

3118

Favorite

By likeyourboss - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43612

You deserved it

5924

Favorite

By lrgenesis - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30072

You deserved it

2811

Favorite

By Carmen VanDiest - 24/4/2020 02:00

Legit logic

Today, I asked my husband why his socks are always inside-out in the laundry basket. He replied, "So the insides get clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1046

You deserved it

477

Favorite

By oogabooga9

Today, I was clearing out the garage when a large bouncy ball rolled into the drive. Only when I blasted it full force with my foot and collapsed did I realise it was actually a bowling ball. Two of my toes are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1683

You deserved it

4231

Favorite

By awkword - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44899

You deserved it

3801

Favorite

By "Boyufd"

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2455

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By KTK - United States

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brothers girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49783

You deserved it

3384

Favorite

By SweeT

Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17899

You deserved it

55000

Favorite

By maddie - 15/5/2020 05:00

Gross

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1620

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 23:01

Let's go girls!

Today, someone said that women shouldn’t hate their menstrual cycles, because the hormonal changes were so "interesting". Sure, that’s the word I’d use for alternating between cramps and zits, being an insatiable nymphomaniac, and being so depressed I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1484

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By what the fuck?! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I called my husband's mistress to confront her. Her husband answered and immediately began hitting on me. He asked what was taking me so long to join their circle and if I was as into dp as his wife is. I don’t know whether to vomit from rage or disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4236

You deserved it

559

Favorite

By Nickname

Today, I came home to find my wife and my ex-wife naked in my bed. Apparently they've been in a relationship for five months. When I told my kids, they said that they were helping to keep the secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3291

You deserved it

257

Favorite

By love4cheese1197

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1359

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By lostforwords - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27975

You deserved it

6265

Favorite

By karengoeswest

Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4855

You deserved it

253

Favorite

By O_o - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59080

You deserved it

6648

Favorite

By epipen life - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3318

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25202

You deserved it

2023

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7549846 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:37

So how many kids does he want to try making?

By Notmymonkeysnotmycircus | 16

#7549860 - Saturday 7 October 2017 21:34

“Why yes I have been! I’m glad you said something! I thought I was crazy, How do you want yours? I’m thinking deep fried or barbecued but it’s totally up to your personal taste”

COMMENTS

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7549832 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:14

Run!!

By wightkid | 11

#7549836 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:19

Uhhhh...

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7549846 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:37

So how many kids does he want to try making?

By thehaystackerine | 20

#7549848 - Saturday 7 October 2017 20:43

When we had our first I was 25, my wife 27,we had been together for 9 years, married the last 2. At times I thought that WE were too young.

By Elijahboi86 | 2

#7549859 - Saturday 7 October 2017 21:30

lol run away

By Notmymonkeysnotmycircus | 16

#7549860 - Saturday 7 October 2017 21:34

“Why yes I have been! I’m glad you said something! I thought I was crazy, How do you want yours? I’m thinking deep fried or barbecued but it’s totally up to your personal taste”

By really_dad? | 13

#7549872 - Saturday 7 October 2017 22:31

Say yes! Get on Teen Mom and roll in the money

Tony Friddle | 11

#7549977 - Sunday 8 October 2017 3:35

please don't listen to this moron.

By ezrajab | 22

#7549877 - Saturday 7 October 2017 22:46

Run! Run far and run fast

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7549913 - Saturday 7 October 2017 23:51

So the myths are true, baby crazy dudes do exists.

By gobiteme2 | 34

#7549951 - Sunday 8 October 2017 1:18

Well at least he tried to talk to her. To many children having sex and not thinking about the consequences.