Intimacy, Health and Sex: Missing

Missing

By SignificantShrinkage - 08/10/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 972

You deserved it 1 921

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Same thing different taste

Chubby Love, by Bon Iver

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 07:59

Today, I realised that my husband and I have gotten so fat that his already small dick no longer even reaches me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 1 511

By dawg3360 - 07/06/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 134 209

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 146

You deserved it 36 930

Life hack

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 15:00

Today, I discovered that when they remove your cancerous prostate, your penis will shrink by the exact length of the removed prostate back up into your body. So not only do I now need pills to get a boner, my boner has shrunk from a respectable 5 inches to just under 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 162

Shaving!

By John Doe - 07/01/2020 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 066

You deserved it 468

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 15:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 473

You deserved it 1 650

By Username - 09/08/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 13 530

By The fat and the ugly - 27/10/2011 18:56 - Finland

Today, I was getting out of the shower, when my boyfriend decided to ask, "Did your boobs get smaller, or did you just gain weight around them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 138

You deserved it 5 160

Simple answer

By pathetic - 29/05/2009 02:35 - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 076

You deserved it 59 346

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only part of my body that has had a reduction in size from changing my diet and working out isn't my stomach or my thighs but my already undersized breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 3 273

BurnInDemonFire 34

Thursday 27 September 2018 16:29

It hasn't shrunk. It's being pulled back by the weight from around your stomach. Lose some weight, and you'll see it'll go back to normal.

JasonThorn 20

Friday 28 September 2018 17:14

Excessive weight can also lead to lowered levels of testosterone. Wouldn't hurt to get that checked.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 34

Thursday 27 September 2018 16:29

It hasn't shrunk. It's being pulled back by the weight from around your stomach. Lose some weight, and you'll see it'll go back to normal.

JasonThorn 20

Friday 28 September 2018 17:14

Excessive weight can also lead to lowered levels of testosterone. Wouldn't hurt to get that checked.

ThatGuy9679 13

Monday 8 October 2018 3:27

it's not so much that it got smaller but rather the fat around it got larger

RichardPencil 30

Monday 8 October 2018 3:53

It’s not about a few more workouts, it’s about eating right. Except for a few chubby-chasers, no one likes a fat bastard.

RoadRunnerZ 13

Monday 8 October 2018 4:29

You measured it before

hellphone_fml 37

Monday 8 October 2018 9:39

I've measured my man's penis before, he wanted to know

rodfergie 18

Monday 8 October 2018 20:51

I tried to measure mine once. It kept on slipping off the microscopes slide.

EmDizzle2007 28

Tuesday 9 October 2018 0:39

if this doesn't get into comments of the week, we riot.

Johnny5 16

Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:24

And was the result what either of you expected or were you surprised?

fabs1171 23

Monday 8 October 2018 4:34

Your outie has now become an innie and an innie penis is so much harder to work with

whiskey'swino 15

Monday 8 October 2018 6:12

Get rid of the truck, gain larger junk. Win/Win

RichardPencil 30

Monday 8 October 2018 6:16

Had you been swimming in a cold pool, George?

WHSKitty4ever 23

Monday 8 October 2018 6:25

Isn’t this a repost?

rodfergie 18

Monday 8 October 2018 20:52

If it is, it's a short one!

wtfdaemon 3

Monday 8 October 2018 17:47

Weight gain doesn't cause that effect, buddy. Maybe get some viagra or something cause your erection game is weak af.

cazziuz1983 9

Monday 8 October 2018 20:01

it does indeed cuase that effect

JubileeBee 31

Wednesday 10 October 2018 7:15

viagra can also give him a heart attack

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The Top

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 85

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 649

You deserved it 390

The Top

Today, I dropped a butcher's knife on my knuckle. Five stitches later, I can't even wipe my own butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 787

You deserved it 925

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 778

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 394

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because, "It's chicken, not salmon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 150

You deserved it 3 875

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 114

You deserved it 3 501

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the 17 major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my boss's office, I heard her ask her assistant, "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 932

You deserved it 3 126