Intimacy and Animals: Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach...

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 098

You deserved it 2 846

Intimacy Animals

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Same thing different taste

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 974

You deserved it 2 496

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 177

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 135

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 232

You deserved it 18 009

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 732

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 812

You deserved it 285

Easily scared

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 17:59 - France

Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 158

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 943

You deserved it 4 784

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 568

You deserved it 2 133

By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - 21/08/2015 15:25 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 139

You deserved it 7 245

real life problems 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

You have a couch in your room? Is it black leather and used for casting some new actresses?

pugs 12

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

That must’ve been a hard time for you and your mom.

Comments

Charlie Given 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:16

Hi it's your friendly neighborhood COCKroach here need some help? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

pugs 12

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

That must’ve been a hard time for you and your mom.

real life problems 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

You have a couch in your room? Is it black leather and used for casting some new actresses?

julfunky 29

Sunday 29 July 2018 16:45

It was 2 am. Maybe OP, being the genius that he is, thought the living room was a safe space.

real life problems 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 20:09

it says on the couch in my room

DraftHail614 17

Sunday 29 July 2018 20:15

The joke went right over your head, bud.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:43

Tell your mom you had a fear boner and hope she’s not too sharp about male physiology.

dexter420 21

Sunday 29 July 2018 11:05

I will never understand why no one locks or blocks their door for these situations

realjojo 11

Monday 30 July 2018 3:25

It hardly works. You have no idea how sneaky those cockroach are.

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 29 July 2018 11:14

Unless the couch was in your bedroom, what is it with people jerking off in shared living spaces?

rockwelll 9

Monday 5 November 2018 20:21

you should read his post again. he said my mom came into my room worried...

TeacherTeem 21

Sunday 29 July 2018 11:53

If you said to your mom, “I was scared by a big cockroach,” there was the briefest of moments between you saying “****” and “roach” that your mom looked at your **** and considered whether or not she would say that it was “big.”