Intimacy and Animals: Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach...

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 2 865

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Same thing different taste

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 257

You deserved it 18 025

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 476

You deserved it 764

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 145

YAAAAAAAAAAAASS

By shat - 12/12/2015 07:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 986

You deserved it 2 502

Easily scared

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 17:59 - France

Today, I was having some sexy time with my boyfriend, when suddenly he jumped out of the bed, screaming. Not having my glasses on, it took me few seconds to understand that a voyeurist cockroach was in the bed with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 166

By anonymous - 06/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 672

You deserved it 32 276

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

By Whyis Dremora - 30/09/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 297

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 23:00

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 184

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 794

real life problems 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

You have a couch in your room? Is it black leather and used for casting some new actresses?

pugs 12

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

That must’ve been a hard time for you and your mom.

Comments

Charlie Given 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:16

Hi it's your friendly neighborhood COCKroach here need some help? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

pugs 12

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

That must’ve been a hard time for you and your mom.

real life problems 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:19

You have a couch in your room? Is it black leather and used for casting some new actresses?

julfunky 29

Sunday 29 July 2018 16:45

It was 2 am. Maybe OP, being the genius that he is, thought the living room was a safe space.

real life problems 26

Sunday 29 July 2018 20:09

it says on the couch in my room

DraftHail614 17

Sunday 29 July 2018 20:15

The joke went right over your head, bud.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 29 July 2018 6:43

Tell your mom you had a fear boner and hope she’s not too sharp about male physiology.

dexter420 21

Sunday 29 July 2018 11:05

I will never understand why no one locks or blocks their door for these situations

realjojo 11

Monday 30 July 2018 3:25

It hardly works. You have no idea how sneaky those cockroach are.

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 29 July 2018 11:14

Unless the couch was in your bedroom, what is it with people jerking off in shared living spaces?

rockwelll 9

Monday 5 November 2018 20:21

you should read his post again. he said my mom came into my room worried...

TeacherTeem 21

Sunday 29 July 2018 11:53

If you said to your mom, “I was scared by a big cockroach,” there was the briefest of moments between you saying “****” and “roach” that your mom looked at your **** and considered whether or not she would say that it was “big.”