The Top

Hey all - I'm the OP. To answer the most commonly asked question: the trick to keeping cookies fresh for a week is to add an extra tablespoon of vegetable oil to the dough, putting a piece of bread in with them and putting them in the smallest ziploc possible.

By Micheal - 23/11/2009 03:59 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 292

You deserved it 3 777

By krushr - 23/01/2011 05:32 - Canada

Today, I discovered I have bed bugs. I have nowhere else to sleep and I won't be able to afford a new mattress for at least a year. I'd better get used to these giant welts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 329

You deserved it 5 350

By hotride - 15/12/2010 16:34

Today, I woke up to the sound of sirens. My ex-girlfriend, who I had broken up with the day before, had set my car on fire. I had just finished restoring it. I was going to insure it today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 818

You deserved it 6 500

jd7546 tells us more.

jd7546 0

Thursday 16 December 2010 16:47

I had just started restoring it when I got it, and nobody would insure it when I got it. it looked like a junkyard heap of shit, I just got it back the day before I broke up with her. still have the burnt up shell in my drive way that I have to dispose of :(

By prego - 13/04/2012 14:15 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 473

You deserved it 3 327

By JPF - 13/08/2009 03:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 555

You deserved it 5 614

By Ya - 10/05/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 288

You deserved it 11 631

By Unbearable - 25/06/2011 19:58 - United States

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 635

You deserved it 36 468

Unbearable_fml tells us more.

Unbearable_fml 21

Sunday 7 June 2015 8:57

One of my friends brought to my attention that one of my ol' FMLs is still circulating with quite a bit of controversy, so I'm back to add a little bit of insight: For those of you who called me childish for not applying my own sunscreen, I'm far from flexible and I'd like to say that any normal person can't reach their back, so my mom went ahead and did that for me. Since she had some extra sunscreen on her fingers, she went ahead and did my face too, as I did the rest of my body. For those of you who said that it was rude of me to burp on my mother, I completely agree, but my eyes were closed and I had just had Taco Bell, so you know how it is. I didn't know my mom's fingers were so close to my face, my eyes being closed in all, so—I don't really remember, this was years ago. I'm glad I have a published FML, but my day at the beach turned sour when I had to wash sunscreen out of my mouth with seawater! My mom and I still laugh about it, though. Have a good day!

By wowhoopla - 11/01/2010 01:10 - France

Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 083

You deserved it 3 684

wowhoopla tells us more.

wowhoopla 0

Wednesday 13 January 2010 5:09

well if u all must know hat happened I showed him we had Betty crocker chipsahoy and Oreo but he insistead on having them all. And all I could day was I'm going to be cookie broke so he decided to share some... and so i had cookies with some random drunk who broke into my house. can't day I've done that before...

We're so proud of you

By strawberrypuff - 04/05/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I found out nobody in my family wants to come to my college graduation. I spent four years and $60,000 to be the first person in my family to go to college, and nobody wants to see me graduate because the four hour ceremony is "too long." FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 514

You deserved it 4 618

By BadLuckinLove - 07/07/2010 10:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Doubting our relationship, I asked him seriously if he loved me. He looked thoughtful, gathered me in his arms and said, "If I say yes, will you be less pissed?" and then tried to stick his hand down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 166

You deserved it 16 465

rig_89 tells us more.

rig_89 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 0:28

OP here! Haha. For those wanting to know what happened afterwards - Me: Are you trying to have sex with me right now?! Him: Seems like it. Me: *stomp off pissily* Yeah. We made up later. He told me I was the last girl he wanted to have sex with, and in his book that was pretty much love. :) Haha. He makes jokes a lot, but I was in a bitchy mood it didn't seem funny to me right then, he didn't realize how upset I was and that it would make me even more upset. Now I think its hilarious, and its a win for both of us since we got on FML! :) And yeah, he got some later after we made up lol. Overall, he isn't a total douche and I didn't mean to pull a bitch move on him. I was being overemotional.