Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt...

By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

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Love

Out of it

They're everywhere

Great guy

By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

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By Anonymou$ - 6/11/2014 23:37 - United States - Daphne

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

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By Paulie89 - 20/10/2019 12:00

Bullshit quack chiropractor on the loose!

Today, I told my family how my wrist has been hurting for almost a week. My aunt’s chiropractor boyfriend then decided he could help by suddenly pulling my hand as hard as he could. Not only did my wrist pop and cause me more pain, but my shoulder got dislocated. FML

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By Rob - 9/10/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

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By Loserman67 - 1/4/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

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By atmac95 - 27/2/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, I am expected to write an 8 page essay, due tonight. The reason why I don't even have one page yet? My mom decided to take away the only computer I have the essay saved on because I have an 'F' in English. The essay is for English. FML

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By WarMachine68 - 6/6/2015 19:19 - United States - Shawnee

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

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By Sabrina - 3/9/2019 04:00 - Australia - Canberra

Move on, dude

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

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By Franklin - 29/12/2017 20:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I walked into a room where my naked "best friend" had set up a romantic scene and attempted to kiss me. It turns out he believed we were in a relationship for the last year and told our entire school. I am 100% straight. This explains why I haven't been able to get laid in months. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2015 04:44 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our 1-month "anniversary". FML

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By wowjuststop - 3/10/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

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By fuckfuck - 31/1/2014 18:46 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

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By acme - 4/10/2012 06:20 - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2016 11:17 - United States

Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 19:00

No Chick-Hating on Easter!

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

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By poked - 6/3/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, my father who left my family over 10 years ago and never contacted us or paid child support, poked me on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 20:02

Seize the means of production

Today, my job has a policy where you can only have two breaks if you work 7 hours or more. I've recently been assigned multiple strings of 6 hour 45 minute shifts. And no, I can't work 15 minutes of overtime so I can have the extra break. FML

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By Sarah - 7/5/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

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By crybaby - 12/4/2013 05:58 - United States - Elmont

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going well until I noticed a picture of a dog hanging on the wall, which reminded me of the ending of Marley and Me. I started crying and had to be escorted out. FML

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By ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass - 25/5/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

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By Bloody Nose - 16/4/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

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By Misty3242 - 6/2/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

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By { o } - 22/3/2015 17:41 - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

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By ivannooze - 29/7/2011 21:40 - United States

Today, the heat rash that has been devouring my side for the last week was revealed to be something much worse: shingles. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2017 06:00

FML Uncensored

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain down stairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

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By unlovedfatty - 16/12/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I reactivated my Facebook account, having not used it for three months. My "friends" didn't realize this. According to their recent status updates, I'm disgustingly fat, have a hook nose, and I'm secretly hated. FML

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By regrettably well rested - 14/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

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By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

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By DevastatedWoman - 11/8/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

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By Pwnedofthedead - 3/10/2009 15:34 - Canada

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

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By doesntkissalot - 28/8/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

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By sugar baby24 - 28/6/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

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By Betterthanthis - 25/11/2015 20:16 - United States - New Berlin

Today, when my boss said, "Don't worry, I know all the requirements," she actually meant, "I know nothing, and will scream at you in rage because you cannot psychically divine all the requirements the day before a major holiday when no one is available to talk to you." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 02:30

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

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By Sadface - 6/12/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

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By American Idiot - 20/9/2016 19:25 - United States - Duluth

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

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By BrandonDrapeau - 3/8/2015 02:57 - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

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By NotAMorningPerson - 12/2/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

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Top comments

By elfako | 0

#103497 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:37

Why do women (in the comments) act like a guy breaking up with you means he's a douchebag. Nowhere does it say that he was an asshole, or broke up with her to fuck her best friend. All it says is he broke with her and made her a cake to help her feel better. SO WHAT! Would you rather him stayed with her until he was so unhappy that he did resort to fucking her best friend?!

By thektulu7 | 0

#103446 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:27

Should have shoved the cake in his face.

COMMENTS

By thektulu7 | 0

#103446 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:27

Should have shoved the cake in his face.

xcl0wdx | 0

#1117608 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 4:35

how thoughtful of him :)

22cute | 17

#3336755 - Saturday 24 September 2011 4:28

What an ass.

DumbledoreDies1 | 11

#6485299 - Tuesday 15 December 2015 2:12

Should shove it up your ass

By vdv_fml | 0

#103448 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:30

what a douche bag...and ur best friend...

By rawritsme | 0

#103451 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:30

Wow, good best friend you got there.
sarcasm.

By dzidziaud | 5

#103453 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:31

aww. at least he made you cake. shows that he still cares about you a little :)

By perfectwinds | 0

#103456 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:28

I would have thrown it in his face then said "well... I feel better."

By silverwind_fml | 0

#103462 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:34

For good reason most likely.

By you_not_me_OWNED | 0

#103465 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:34

wtf everyone!!!! that was a really nice thing of him to do!!!!!

By rawritsme | 0

#103466 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:31

Wow, good best friend you got there
sarcasm.

Robbieisadowg | 16

#5729565 - Saturday 26 October 2013 0:25

Why do people double post?

By erinmariehall | 0

#103467 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:30

Today, I realized, I have no idea, how to, use commas.

By TeaPirate | 0

#103468 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:35

Oh damn. D: You should bake him a large, frosted, ornate cake that says "F*** YOU." on it. And the boyfriend was the best friend guys, not two people.

Loveyou6611 | 20

#6478181 - Sunday 6 December 2015 0:17

Why waste the cake on that? if she really wanted to she could cover a balloon in frosting... or sponges that would be "fuck you" enough.