Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I...

By robm - 26/7/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32234

You deserved it

4635

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Intimacy

Rock, hard place

Live dumping

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By myusofwe - 6/2/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25756

You deserved it

2990

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31680

You deserved it

6266

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25620

You deserved it

3394

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By Chris - 27/8/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I thought it would be funny to take an airhorn to a golf course and blow it while people were teeing off. It was very funny, until I blew the horn during some guy's backswing and his ball was shanked in my direction and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

325

You deserved it

4932

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By atomwolf - 9/12/2016 17:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I wanted to work out the volume of my penis and did so on the first piece of paper I could find on my desk. After I finished the calculations I realized that the other side of the paper was in fact my school report. It's the only copy I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4959

You deserved it

11886

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By Employee - 7/8/2012 19:17 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21342

You deserved it

12551

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By SierraCheyenne - 26/3/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Poor Henry

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1948

You deserved it

488

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By twnty1 - 31/5/2010 15:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30085

You deserved it

4040

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By Username - 27/9/2010 00:50 - France

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15146

You deserved it

23202

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By Derek - 5/8/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4843

You deserved it

243

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By bill219 - 7/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36067

You deserved it

25917

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By pikachu_43 - 21/3/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31542

You deserved it

4137

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By imatotalloser - 28/7/2017 05:00

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3156

You deserved it

321

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36078

You deserved it

2932

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By Miss<Younger>Beyoncé - 13/10/2014 08:13 - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39709

You deserved it

3867

Favorite

By Elliot - 22/7/2010 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36015

You deserved it

4208

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By anon - 27/4/2016 00:11 - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15295

You deserved it

2057

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By Rae - 4/5/2012 21:09 - United States - Chicago

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25741

You deserved it

3360

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By non believer - 23/9/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38462

You deserved it

16401

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By MikeIsMaster - 16/2/2010 10:46 - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25034

You deserved it

5158

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By SingleAgain - 3/8/2012 06:22 - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34805

You deserved it

3072

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By Lorky - 8/5/2020 02:00 - United States

There goes the neighborhood

Today, I received an email from the office of the apartment complex I moved into two months ago. Apparently, a woman a few apartments down from mine was murdered. Time to pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1360

You deserved it

108

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By awkwardbf - 9/9/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25715

You deserved it

4799

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By spaaaarta - 25/7/2016 20:17

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8651

You deserved it

12366

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By help me - 16/3/2016 01:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have watched the Elmo's World episode featuring balls ten times in a row. The toddler I'm watching screams if I put on something different. His mom just said she was stuck in traffic. She should be back in about five and a half more replays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16647

You deserved it

1431

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By Marlon - 11/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend at her mom's birthday party, in front of her whole family. They even got it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40598

You deserved it

3922

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By DC - 8/2/2009 12:37 - United States

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69557

You deserved it

8583

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2010 21:16 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30154

You deserved it

2661

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By Whoopsie - 22/2/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27820

You deserved it

3336

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By comics over coatis - 4/4/2017 12:00

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6214

You deserved it

2456

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By AtLeastTheyreClean - 27/1/2017 19:28 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after hours of protesting and tantrums, I finally got my kids to clean their rooms. They're all really proud of themselves and enjoying all the extra space. I'm stuck with the three extra loads of laundry they found in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5882

You deserved it

2068

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By purple - 24/3/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32912

You deserved it

12209

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By nonexistant - 29/10/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30923

You deserved it

2912

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By I am not amused! - 3/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41408

You deserved it

3617

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By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall - 8/6/2017 20:00

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4449

You deserved it

764

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7756

You deserved it

54307

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By brokeandalone - 30/7/2013 05:09 - United States

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59079

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4651

You deserved it

420

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:19 - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25771

You deserved it

5476

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By rejected - 13/4/2012 05:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44092

You deserved it

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Top comments

By supergirl69_fml | 0

#1144992 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

what a douche

By perdix | 29

#1145735 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:22

Ladies, statements made by men while their penises are in you are null and void.

You really should wear earplugs during sex if you can't get that truth to sink in.

COMMENTS

By bubbles987 | 0

#1144990 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

good job.

babyale760 | 0

#1144997 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

wow that sux

FuckMyLife195 | 0

#1145008 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:59

what a dick

cantfightfate | 0

#1145017 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:00

that really sucks. but are you surprised? sex doesn't make boys love you.

livrox | 0

#1145025 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:01

ydi for being that easy and nieve op

v1kt4r | 13

#1145037 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:03

*naive

JayColt | 0

#1145049 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:07

lol well it's true

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145059 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:09

WTH is wrong with today's FML's???? they are slacking.... people, this is not an FML...

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145067 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:11

awww poo....

buzz18 | 7

#1145075 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:12

sex isn't love

Izzy_babii | 0

#1145083 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:15

haha

OopsieDaisies | 0

#1145108 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:21

Ouch. Just remember to repeat the same thing to him at some point.

XxXMetalChicXxX | 0

#1145129 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:27

You deserve it for having pre-marital sex, go to church and get on your knees you whore!

SokDek | 14

#1145138 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:29

Oscar meyer wiener

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1145149 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:31

No more sexy time for him.

SokDek | 14

#1145160 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:33

Taylor!

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1145174 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:36

you know guys they could have been together awhile so don't say she's easy

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145220 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:47

18-yeah it isn't and guys don't love you if they say stuff like that

SokDek | 14

#1145228 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:49

youre the love of my life Taylor :) haha the irony

Trupe | 3

#1145298 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:23

well he kinda sorta in a way technically did tell the truth. although he was shady about it

the_flirtt | 0

#1145304 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:24

haha oh know he almost used the L word 0_0

ColetteL | 4

#1145379 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:39

Love the way you guys "kinda sorta" justify this. LOL. What's the old saying? Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love.

the_flirtt | 0

#1145388 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:40

yup lol

FMGrammar | 0

#1145461 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:56

I use sex to get... palm burns.. bah dum tsschh...... YDI YOU DIRTY TRAMP, that's what you get for eating cereal on the treadmill OP!!

iAmLol_fml | 0

#1145575 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:22

YDI for being Justin bieber

Chrisskiies | 0

#1145639 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:41

well he told you the truth lol

annielove | 0

#1145690 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:02

WTF?

isaiaha11 | 2

#1145882 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:17

i voted ydi just to be #100

lolfylanydi | 0

#1145972 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:44

gayest fml yet, no one cares you had sex and you boyfriend said somthing nice STFU

quent10 | 0

#1146036 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:00

at least he's not a liar :D but to gear that op

KarateDuck | 0

#1146217 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:52

lol I said the same thing irl. good to see ya again Taylor I love your name(:

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1146471 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:04

I'm confused. :P

LeighMoreno | 0

#1146500 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:09

Taylor, guess what?
Cats > dogs.
Now how confused are you?

jedialix | 0

#1146575 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:28

what foes OP stand for?haha

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1146597 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:34

OP= orgasmic pigmeas.

No, Raleigh, you're the one who's confused. Sorry, bub, but you need some serious psychiatric help, if you think cats are better than dogs. :P Go spend a few nights in Bedlem till you find the light and realise that dogs are the better creatures.(:

LeighMoreno | 0

#1146648 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:41

:o
Taylor, I can't believe you just went there. Do you really want to start this back up again?

956TXking | 0

#1147437 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:15

she's calling you out Raleigh.

heyred | 11

#1147700 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:30

*niaive

heyred | 11

#1147705 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:32

Never believe what anyone says during sex.

1221jamw | 11

#1148114 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 15:31

steroids much?

sambosung18 | 0

#1149431 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 21:27

your a cutie ;)

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1153054 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 19:14

nye-eeve*

By supergirl69_fml | 0

#1144992 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

what a douche

By gamefreak935 | 0

#1144994 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

wow ur a bitch

dakins | 0

#2564778 - Thursday 26 May 2011 0:55

it's her fault he's an ass?

By ChildsPlay_fml | 0

#1144999 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:58

hahahaa ^^ so tru now im gona use iy

By ChildsPlay_fml | 0

#1145013 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:59

By anabby62907 | 0

#1145027 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:02

wow. hah thats funny ans you thought he loved you lol

By Stevefett | 0

#1145039 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:03

where is my damn comment?

number0 | 8

#1145056 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:08

where is my damn reply?

Arsonnist | 3

#1145089 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:16

where is my damn answer?

Daerauko | 0

#1145141 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:30

where is your damn photo?

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145144 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:31

where is my damn question?

Lounia_fml | 8

#1145260 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:05

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERR

marylovesyou8D | 7

#1145293 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:21

hahahaha. :D

Arsonnist | 3

#1145430 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:49

where is my damn combo?

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145440 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:52

where is my damn breaker?

FMGrammar | 0

#1145529 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:15

I just passed out from the epicness

the_flirtt | 0

#1145535 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:15

right there ^_^

FMGrammar | 0

#1145547 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

73-aren't you I'm_banned???

the_flirtt | 0

#1145567 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:21

I kept getting banned for the dumbest reasons I was pissed so I'm following the rules now

pippymiskers | 4

#1145634 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:40

where is the banned-ness?

VegasSkiess | 0

#1145752 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:33

way to brk it:/

partygirl14 | 0

#1145969 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:42

yah me to

supaman1 | 0

#1146259 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:02

where are my damn skittles

knibbsy | 4

#1146360 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:36

Where is the dumbass that broke the chain? To everyone that didn't reply starting with "Where is", I hate you and you fail for not being cool enough to start your comment with that.