Intimacy: Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I...

By robm - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

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32277

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Intimacy

Commando

Sorry…

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Anonymity

Today, I got my grades back. I got a very poor evaluation for my lit class, which was odd because it didn't match the impression from my end-of-class meeting with the professor. It does, however, include a nod to the supposedly-anonymous negative class review I gave her, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12063

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1632

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By Ready to break up - 8/1/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia

Smells like victory

Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1157

You deserved it

235

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35083

You deserved it

4595

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25897

You deserved it

4264

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By Treats For Days - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53027

You deserved it

26498

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By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver

Hummmmmmmmm

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

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1492

You deserved it

124

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 21:30

Horn section

Today, I matched with someone on a dating app. The first thing they said to me was, "What is the chance that you are the trombone player living below me and would you please stop playing after 9 p.m.?" I am that trombone player and due to Covid I have to practice a lot in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

428

You deserved it

1271

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By lakatkat - United States

Today, I found out on facebook that my supposed best friend bought a concert ticket to a show. The concert ticket was the exact same amount as the plane ticket she told me she couldn't afford to come see me. FML

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41664

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Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4927

You deserved it

14883

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By iamsolid - United States

Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML

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25840

You deserved it

1724

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By nl4 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23868

You deserved it

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By imcold - United States

Today, a stranger was kind enough to plow my driveway during a blizzard. However, they were not kind enough to leave their number after plowing the front end of my car. FML

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31771

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2765

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2021 20:02 - Australia

Admit you're shit

Today, I found out that one of my coworkers, who has been with the company for less than a week, is getting a $7k pay rise. I've been with the company for 8 months and still on minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

919

You deserved it

109

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By lily - United States

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30083

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By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23820

You deserved it

1798

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By Anonymous

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4414

You deserved it

306

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1658

You deserved it

243

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By bushwhacker - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29670

You deserved it

3286

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By ShakenNotStirred - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38086

You deserved it

2480

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By angryman

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32678

You deserved it

8067

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By Lord Buttfuck IV - France

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26670

You deserved it

3737

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By Iknowhowtoraisethem - United States - Woodridge

Today, my 25-year-old daughter, who normally doesn't drive, was out using the family car when she came back annoyed and emotional over the "stupid" cars heating being broken. She said no matter how high she turned it up it was still blowing cold air. I checked and it was set to A/C the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8305

You deserved it

904

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my piano teacher complimented my song, calling it great. I was proud and thanked him, then realized he was being sarcastic. FML

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39609

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4887

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By ? - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

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36472

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By Anonymous

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

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2999

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435

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By Toby's.Mom. - United States - Houston

Your kid is a boffin

Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4849

You deserved it

2911

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By gui909 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24712

You deserved it

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By gerbilmaster - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had 3 teeth pulled. Due to the anaesthesia, my mom came along to drive me home. Halfway through my surgery, she decided to leave and go shopping with her friend. She even left a note with the receptionist, saying that I needed to take on my own adult responsibilities. FML

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30243

You deserved it

1828

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By Brinty - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

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36341

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By PerpetuallyHappy - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26775

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By Anonymous - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

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47848

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8191

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40213

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10286

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1051

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By Meghan - United States - Valparaiso

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35587

You deserved it

5817

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By erjazo - United States - Morris

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59116

You deserved it

6818

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By Noname - United States

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11728

You deserved it

39199

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By Anonymous

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

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1129

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By I stink

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2260

You deserved it

209

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By Jaclk - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27824

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 20:00

Secret life

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

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1780

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Top comments

By supergirl69_fml | 0

#1144992 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

what a douche

By perdix | 29

#1145735 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:22

Ladies, statements made by men while their penises are in you are null and void.

You really should wear earplugs during sex if you can't get that truth to sink in.

COMMENTS

By bubbles987 | 0

#1144990 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

good job.

babyale760 | 0

#1144997 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

wow that sux

FuckMyLife195 | 0

#1145008 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:59

what a dick

cantfightfate | 0

#1145017 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:00

that really sucks. but are you surprised? sex doesn't make boys love you.

livrox | 0

#1145025 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:01

ydi for being that easy and nieve op

v1kt4r | 13

#1145037 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:03

*naive

JayColt | 0

#1145049 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:07

lol well it's true

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145059 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:09

WTH is wrong with today's FML's???? they are slacking.... people, this is not an FML...

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145067 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:11

awww poo....

buzz18 | 7

#1145075 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:12

sex isn't love

Izzy_babii | 0

#1145083 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:15

haha

OopsieDaisies | 0

#1145108 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:21

Ouch. Just remember to repeat the same thing to him at some point.

XxXMetalChicXxX | 0

#1145129 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:27

You deserve it for having pre-marital sex, go to church and get on your knees you whore!

SokDek | 14

#1145138 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:29

Oscar meyer wiener

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1145149 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:31

No more sexy time for him.

SokDek | 14

#1145160 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:33

Taylor!

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1145174 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:36

you know guys they could have been together awhile so don't say she's easy

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145220 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:47

18-yeah it isn't and guys don't love you if they say stuff like that

SokDek | 14

#1145228 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:49

youre the love of my life Taylor :) haha the irony

Trupe | 3

#1145298 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:23

well he kinda sorta in a way technically did tell the truth. although he was shady about it

the_flirtt | 0

#1145304 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:24

haha oh know he almost used the L word 0_0

ColetteL | 4

#1145379 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:39

Love the way you guys "kinda sorta" justify this. LOL. What's the old saying? Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love.

the_flirtt | 0

#1145388 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:40

yup lol

FMGrammar | 0

#1145461 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:56

I use sex to get... palm burns.. bah dum tsschh...... YDI YOU DIRTY TRAMP, that's what you get for eating cereal on the treadmill OP!!

iAmLol_fml | 0

#1145575 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:22

YDI for being Justin bieber

Chrisskiies | 0

#1145639 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:41

well he told you the truth lol

annielove | 0

#1145690 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:02

WTF?

isaiaha11 | 2

#1145882 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:17

i voted ydi just to be #100

lolfylanydi | 0

#1145972 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:44

gayest fml yet, no one cares you had sex and you boyfriend said somthing nice STFU

quent10 | 0

#1146036 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:00

at least he's not a liar :D but to gear that op

KarateDuck | 0

#1146217 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:52

lol I said the same thing irl. good to see ya again Taylor I love your name(:

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1146471 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:04

I'm confused. :P

LeighMoreno | 0

#1146500 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:09

Taylor, guess what?
Cats > dogs.
Now how confused are you?

jedialix | 0

#1146575 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:28

what foes OP stand for?haha

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1146597 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:34

OP= orgasmic pigmeas.

No, Raleigh, you're the one who's confused. Sorry, bub, but you need some serious psychiatric help, if you think cats are better than dogs. :P Go spend a few nights in Bedlem till you find the light and realise that dogs are the better creatures.(:

LeighMoreno | 0

#1146648 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:41

:o
Taylor, I can't believe you just went there. Do you really want to start this back up again?

956TXking | 0

#1147437 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:15

she's calling you out Raleigh.

heyred | 11

#1147700 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:30

*niaive

heyred | 11

#1147705 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:32

Never believe what anyone says during sex.

1221jamw | 11

#1148114 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 15:31

steroids much?

sambosung18 | 0

#1149431 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 21:27

your a cutie ;)

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1153054 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 19:14

nye-eeve*

By supergirl69_fml | 0

#1144992 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

what a douche

By gamefreak935 | 0

#1144994 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

wow ur a bitch

dakins | 0

#2564778 - Thursday 26 May 2011 0:55

it's her fault he's an ass?

By ChildsPlay_fml | 0

#1144999 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:58

hahahaa ^^ so tru now im gona use iy

By ChildsPlay_fml | 0

#1145013 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:59

By anabby62907 | 0

#1145027 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:02

wow. hah thats funny ans you thought he loved you lol

By Stevefett | 0

#1145039 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:03

where is my damn comment?

number0 | 8

#1145056 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:08

where is my damn reply?

Arsonnist | 3

#1145089 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:16

where is my damn answer?

Daerauko | 0

#1145141 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:30

where is your damn photo?

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145144 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:31

where is my damn question?

Lounia_fml | 8

#1145260 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:05

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERR

marylovesyou8D | 7

#1145293 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:21

hahahaha. :D

Arsonnist | 3

#1145430 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:49

where is my damn combo?

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145440 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:52

where is my damn breaker?

FMGrammar | 0

#1145529 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:15

I just passed out from the epicness

the_flirtt | 0

#1145535 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:15

right there ^_^

FMGrammar | 0

#1145547 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

73-aren't you I'm_banned???

the_flirtt | 0

#1145567 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:21

I kept getting banned for the dumbest reasons I was pissed so I'm following the rules now

pippymiskers | 4

#1145634 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:40

where is the banned-ness?

VegasSkiess | 0

#1145752 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:33

way to brk it:/

partygirl14 | 0

#1145969 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:42

yah me to

supaman1 | 0

#1146259 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:02

where are my damn skittles

knibbsy | 4

#1146360 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:36

Where is the dumbass that broke the chain? To everyone that didn't reply starting with "Where is", I hate you and you fail for not being cool enough to start your comment with that.