Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I...

By robm - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32259

You deserved it

4639

Favorite

Intimacy

Dangling modifier

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Yeah, fuck the poor

By No thanks - United States

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30968

You deserved it

5963

Favorite

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - United Kingdom - Grantham

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my room mate has been dating is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19120

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2380

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 02:02

Empathy Man

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1333

You deserved it

294

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25375

You deserved it

5777

Favorite

By Bill - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28516

You deserved it

2772

Favorite

By FuckYouMotherNature - United States - Merced

Today, I realized I'm getting my period pretty soon. How? I started crying and throwing plates because I thought we were out of sweet bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45233

You deserved it

17611

Favorite

By FML - United States

Today, my boyfriend forced me to climb out through his window, because he was too embarrassed at the thought of his room-mate finding out I'd spent the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33698

You deserved it

5452

Favorite

By Richocet - Canada

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22100

You deserved it

36232

Favorite

By bummer.. - United States

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36415

You deserved it

5728

Favorite

By somebody - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33260

You deserved it

2064

Favorite

By Groom - France

Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23993

You deserved it

12296

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29918

You deserved it

5715

Favorite

By JLO - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29836

You deserved it

3638

Favorite

By Moron - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25805

You deserved it

6517

Favorite

By IVOaf - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40478

You deserved it

4842

Favorite

By Delicious - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17465

You deserved it

7088

Favorite

By Loot - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36873

You deserved it

6029

Favorite

By single again - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52937

You deserved it

5247

Favorite

By fatass - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31418

You deserved it

7840

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41311

You deserved it

3202

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43652

You deserved it

6154

Favorite

By kana__ - Japan

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34201

You deserved it

2633

Favorite

By make america date again - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22558

You deserved it

1364

Favorite

By Jerf - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52786

You deserved it

9765

Favorite

By charitableidiot - United States - Portland

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23489

You deserved it

42746

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48413

You deserved it

5484

Favorite

By Sick'o'bitches

Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3476

You deserved it

352

Favorite

By Rebecca - Canada

Today, as I was pulling into my driveway, I hit my fence. The same fence that I had repaired last week because I had run into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8602

You deserved it

41283

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13727

You deserved it

66644

Favorite

By facepalm - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40246

You deserved it

4353

Favorite

By Anna - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I got lost at Best Buy. Meanwhile, my mom freaked out, and they called out my name over the intercom. When I walked up to the desk and they saw I was 17, the employees burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25919

You deserved it

4399

Favorite

By INeedMoney - United States

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28606

You deserved it

5003

Favorite

By Cail - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40821

You deserved it

66938

Favorite

By regrub - United States

Today, ignoring the unspoken rule of not entering the bus when the driver's not inside, I went in while he was taking a break. As I stepped inside, he reached in the window and pressed the "close-door" button. It closed on my hand. Everyone at the bus stop laughed as I yelped in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8340

You deserved it

29555

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29636

You deserved it

3247

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80265

You deserved it

5094

Favorite

By howtragic - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33483

You deserved it

3646

Favorite

By desperate - Denmark

Today, while at a club, I walked up to a cutie who had been eyeing me all night. I asked him "Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?". He simply replied "It's a phone" before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10004

You deserved it

52065

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, a customer complimented me on how good I looked for my age. She thought I was in my forties. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38228

You deserved it

4094

Favorite

By UnpredictableSurface

Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5517

You deserved it

1184

Favorite

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Top comments

By supergirl69_fml | 0

#1144992 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

what a douche

By perdix | 29

#1145735 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:22

Ladies, statements made by men while their penises are in you are null and void.

You really should wear earplugs during sex if you can't get that truth to sink in.

COMMENTS

By bubbles987 | 0

#1144990 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

good job.

babyale760 | 0

#1144997 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

wow that sux

FuckMyLife195 | 0

#1145008 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:59

what a dick

cantfightfate | 0

#1145017 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:00

that really sucks. but are you surprised? sex doesn't make boys love you.

livrox | 0

#1145025 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:01

ydi for being that easy and nieve op

v1kt4r | 13

#1145037 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:03

*naive

JayColt | 0

#1145049 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:07

lol well it's true

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145059 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:09

WTH is wrong with today's FML's???? they are slacking.... people, this is not an FML...

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145067 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:11

awww poo....

buzz18 | 7

#1145075 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:12

sex isn't love

Izzy_babii | 0

#1145083 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:15

haha

OopsieDaisies | 0

#1145108 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:21

Ouch. Just remember to repeat the same thing to him at some point.

XxXMetalChicXxX | 0

#1145129 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:27

You deserve it for having pre-marital sex, go to church and get on your knees you whore!

SokDek | 14

#1145138 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:29

Oscar meyer wiener

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1145149 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:31

No more sexy time for him.

SokDek | 14

#1145160 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:33

Taylor!

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#1145174 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:36

you know guys they could have been together awhile so don't say she's easy

xoxolovemexoxo | 0

#1145220 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:47

18-yeah it isn't and guys don't love you if they say stuff like that

SokDek | 14

#1145228 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:49

youre the love of my life Taylor :) haha the irony

Trupe | 3

#1145298 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:23

well he kinda sorta in a way technically did tell the truth. although he was shady about it

the_flirtt | 0

#1145304 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:24

haha oh know he almost used the L word 0_0

ColetteL | 4

#1145379 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:39

Love the way you guys "kinda sorta" justify this. LOL. What's the old saying? Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love.

the_flirtt | 0

#1145388 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:40

yup lol

FMGrammar | 0

#1145461 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:56

I use sex to get... palm burns.. bah dum tsschh...... YDI YOU DIRTY TRAMP, that's what you get for eating cereal on the treadmill OP!!

iAmLol_fml | 0

#1145575 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:22

YDI for being Justin bieber

Chrisskiies | 0

#1145639 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:41

well he told you the truth lol

annielove | 0

#1145690 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:02

WTF?

isaiaha11 | 2

#1145882 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:17

i voted ydi just to be #100

lolfylanydi | 0

#1145972 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:44

gayest fml yet, no one cares you had sex and you boyfriend said somthing nice STFU

quent10 | 0

#1146036 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:00

at least he's not a liar :D but to gear that op

KarateDuck | 0

#1146217 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 6:52

lol I said the same thing irl. good to see ya again Taylor I love your name(:

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1146471 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:04

I'm confused. :P

LeighMoreno | 0

#1146500 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:09

Taylor, guess what?
Cats > dogs.
Now how confused are you?

jedialix | 0

#1146575 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:28

what foes OP stand for?haha

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1146597 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:34

OP= orgasmic pigmeas.

No, Raleigh, you're the one who's confused. Sorry, bub, but you need some serious psychiatric help, if you think cats are better than dogs. :P Go spend a few nights in Bedlem till you find the light and realise that dogs are the better creatures.(:

LeighMoreno | 0

#1146648 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 8:41

:o
Taylor, I can't believe you just went there. Do you really want to start this back up again?

956TXking | 0

#1147437 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 9:15

she's calling you out Raleigh.

heyred | 11

#1147700 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:30

*niaive

heyred | 11

#1147705 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:32

Never believe what anyone says during sex.

1221jamw | 11

#1148114 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 15:31

steroids much?

sambosung18 | 0

#1149431 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 21:27

your a cutie ;)

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1153054 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 19:14

nye-eeve*

By supergirl69_fml | 0

#1144992 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

what a douche

By gamefreak935 | 0

#1144994 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:57

wow ur a bitch

dakins | 0

#2564778 - Thursday 26 May 2011 0:55

it's her fault he's an ass?

By ChildsPlay_fml | 0

#1144999 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:58

hahahaa ^^ so tru now im gona use iy

By ChildsPlay_fml | 0

#1145013 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 0:59

By anabby62907 | 0

#1145027 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:02

wow. hah thats funny ans you thought he loved you lol

By Stevefett | 0

#1145039 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:03

where is my damn comment?

number0 | 8

#1145056 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:08

where is my damn reply?

Arsonnist | 3

#1145089 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:16

where is my damn answer?

Daerauko | 0

#1145141 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:30

where is your damn photo?

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145144 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 1:31

where is my damn question?

Lounia_fml | 8

#1145260 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:05

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERR

marylovesyou8D | 7

#1145293 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:21

hahahaha. :D

Arsonnist | 3

#1145430 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:49

where is my damn combo?

selenagirl_fml | 0

#1145440 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 2:52

where is my damn breaker?

FMGrammar | 0

#1145529 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:15

I just passed out from the epicness

the_flirtt | 0

#1145535 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:15

right there ^_^

FMGrammar | 0

#1145547 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:17

73-aren't you I'm_banned???

the_flirtt | 0

#1145567 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:21

I kept getting banned for the dumbest reasons I was pissed so I'm following the rules now

pippymiskers | 4

#1145634 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 3:40

where is the banned-ness?

VegasSkiess | 0

#1145752 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 4:33

way to brk it:/

partygirl14 | 0

#1145969 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 5:42

yah me to

supaman1 | 0

#1146259 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:02

where are my damn skittles

knibbsy | 4

#1146360 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 7:36

Where is the dumbass that broke the chain? To everyone that didn't reply starting with "Where is", I hate you and you fail for not being cool enough to start your comment with that.