Transportation: Today, I woke up to the sound of sirens. My ex-girlfriend, who...

By hotride

Today, I woke up to the sound of sirens. My ex-girlfriend, who I had broken up with the day before, had set my car on fire. I had just finished restoring it. I was going to insure it today. FML

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jd7546 tells us more :

I had just started restoring it when I got it, and nobody would insure it when I got it. it looked like a junkyard heap of shit, I just got it back the day before I broke up with her. still have the burnt up shell in my drive way that I have to dispose of :(

Transportation

Hiding from the drama

Weird reason to leave, but OK

BO Central

By Anonymous

Night terrors

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

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1270

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By Anonymous

That escalated quickly

Today, I chipped my front tooth trying to pick up my cat. FML

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1238

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279

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By Matthew Smith - 21/6/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Acrophobia

Today, my new drone got stuck on the neighbour's roof. I'd bought the drone to look at my roof because I don’t like going up on ladders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

453

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546

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By Kitty - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

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56957

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By Wtf - Canada

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

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45234

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

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40742

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Fancy Hobo

Today, I decided to change my name on YouTube to Fancy Hobo and then proceeded to send an email to a well-admired professor. Little did I know my email was linked to YouTube. Yes, Fancy Hobo sent a very professional email about registration for Grad School. FML

I agree, your life sucks

603

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1949

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By WishIWasAWriter - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27299

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By clublulu - United States

Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML

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12757

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By Anonymous - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

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26960

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By Ohshit - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

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32347

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

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54374

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

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30718

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

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By philip708 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

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22647

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By 8to10days - United Kingdom

Today, I received a new debit card, so I cut the old one into pieces. I then picked up my remaining card, and realized I'd cut up the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11853

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54796

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By impishsamaritan

Toxic Managers

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1511

You deserved it

300

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By mary - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27948

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6836

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By slingshot - United States

Today, I was waiting to speak to a customer service salesman in a store. To pass time, I was playing with a rubber band. The rubber band shot off and hit the salesman smack in the face. FML

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10662

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By cheekymonkey97

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

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12338

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By Pissed.Off.Mom. - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

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14170

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

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35932

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

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34438

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

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44229

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By jaimie - United States

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

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54761

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By Anonymous

The walls have ears

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

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527

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2604

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By Courts - Australia - Adelaide

Evil

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

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5457

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504

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By really_now - United States - Reno

Reverse Uno card

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

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42994

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By drycleanplz - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

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29548

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By shary - 12/1/2021 01:59

Unreasonable

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

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10181

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By oops - United States

Wanker

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

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51264

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By loveyadad - United States - Watertown

Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML

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46913

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3802

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By mynoseburns - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

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36420

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By Anonymous - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

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27247

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By cmzraxsn - United Kingdom

Today, I ran to catch the train, but slipped on the stairs and fell on my shoulder. However, my effort was rendered useless; it wasn't even my train. FML

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25269

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

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28725

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By M3DO

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

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12732

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794

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By banana2894 - United States - Eugene

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

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27496

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By JJLight - United States - Camarillo

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

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Top comments

By Hump_Zilla | 0

#1848557 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:05

prosecute her...sue...for value of car...if you just finished restoring it I'm sure you van het receipts to help fight your case

By dougierocks | 12

#1848516 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:59

Can you prove it? will you prosecute her? it'll keep her outta your hair for a while..

COMMENTS

By zinoxity | 23

#1848491 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:56

What the fuck??! Go burn her house down! :D What a furry night.

fakeaccountX | 6

#1848682 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:20

First your CAR, next is your HOUSE!
Move out of town before the bitch makes her next move!
Or better yet, just go torch her ass.

coderedz | 0

#1848899 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 20:25

bitch would die

green_eyes124 | 0

#1848931 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 20:32

Hmmm, wouldn't the day before 'today' be yesterday? Yeah, random I know, but hey, I'm tired *yawn*

Marvin_Android | 0

#1849129 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:26

Sounds frustrating.

All of your effort, for nothing. But that's just how all endeavors by all organisms are; you wind up dead and everything you've accomplished is destroyed. It's just so depressing, the pointlessness of it all.

I'm not bringing you down, am I? You've had a rough enough day.

Life. Don't talk to me about life.

mikemik22 | 0

#1849178 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 21:50

So how's life?

Selena_is_back | 7

#1849193 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 22:00

Life's such a bitch!

theannonymousone | 0

#1849262 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 22:23

LAWSUIT! Now!

Marvin_Android | 0

#1849387 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 23:04

58, it's dreadful. Wasn't I clear enough for your primitive Earth-monkey brain earlier?

59, yes. Awful, isn't it.

sparta98 | 4

#1849857 - Thursday 16 December 2010 0:41

"What happened?" "I explained my views of life to the ship" "And?" "She committed suicide..."

iliketurdles | 7

#1849878 - Thursday 16 December 2010 0:43

Is it me or does anyone think this Android needs to get laid?

Go call E.T to see if he wants to hook up or something?! Just a thought.

DocBastard | 38

#1850007 - Thursday 16 December 2010 1:22

It's just you, Turdles. Marvin is a character from a Douglas Adams series, and Marvin_Android plays the part perfectly.

mrsflinstone | 0

#1851004 - Thursday 16 December 2010 2:11

haha the crazy ex girlfriend.

alex1502 | 0

#1855901 - Friday 17 December 2010 6:08

#59, a bitch it is...

By DahkLohd | 4

#1848497 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:57

Wee-woo!

AchillesWing | 0

#1852359 - Thursday 16 December 2010 8:40

So is your mums, that's why she only gets anal.

Anaxes | 5

#1853448 - Thursday 16 December 2010 14:25

Sauron > Voldemort

evry1luvspuns | 0

#3148597 - Saturday 20 August 2011 22:55

-sigh
crazy bitches these days

gators1995 | 30

#5572252 - Tuesday 9 July 2013 16:13

Bee-do Bee-do Bee-do

By BlackOpsFan | 3

#1848502 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:57

DAMN SON!!!

funktown | 2

#1849619 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 23:52

bitches..

angela3222 | 0

#1851707 - Thursday 16 December 2010 4:41

I love your picture!

By banana_buddy | 6

#1848508 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:58

Dawm that's one flaming pussy.

notagoodayforme | 0

#1852307 - Thursday 16 December 2010 8:18

fire crotch?

By dougierocks | 12

#1848516 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 18:59

Can you prove it? will you prosecute her? it'll keep her outta your hair for a while..

By Trace01m | 11

#1848522 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:00

Oh, hell, I would go ballistic!

It's straight up ass kicking time...

By BellaGoBoom | 6

#1848529 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:01

Ahahahaha
'Bitches be trippin'
Watch Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats' and look at the dude's truck at the end!

nancyfantastic | 3

#1848603 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:11

He broke up with her, doesn't mean he cheated. She could just be crazy.

v1kt4r | 13

#1848650 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:14

BITCHES BE LOCO!!!!

By EpicOrange | 0

#1848552 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:03

You deserve it for dating a crazy bitch.

By Hump_Zilla | 0

#1848557 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:05

prosecute her...sue...for value of car...if you just finished restoring it I'm sure you van het receipts to help fight your case

By lucywho26 | 0

#1848565 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 19:06

what kind of girl u were dating? gees

Zmeilerr | 22

#1848977 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 20:38

Obviously one with anger issues.