Transportation: Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the...

By anonymous - 27/12/2011 22:32 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 352

You deserved it 2 631

Transportation

Mother of the year

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Best birthday ever!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2017 04:30

Today, while playing ping pong, my brother got mad that he lost and threw the paddle at my head, causing me to fall backwards into the TV mounted on the wall. Now I have a concussion and have to pay to replace the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 330

You deserved it 204

I will always be in her thought

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 18:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 200

For the life of him indeed

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 145

By Lucachoo - 26/07/2015 00:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go on a date with me tomorrow. His reaction was to pick up a banana and pretend that he was in the middle of a phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 295

You deserved it 2 623

By nerdwithagun - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 698

You deserved it 3 803

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 3 744

By brichard22 - 12/07/2015 14:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 772

You deserved it 5 779

By killme - 13/12/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me and that she is not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose... FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 027

You deserved it 331

Thanks for bringing that up

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 3 057

By sharky - 05/10/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 000

You deserved it 2 021

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 11:02 - United States - Kenton

Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 269

By "daddyrobyn" - 18/12/2018 13:30

Today, my aunt informed me that my cousin's only problem with his girlfriend is that she's not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 338

You deserved it 148

By bym - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 601

You deserved it 24 464

By Jobby - 30/06/2012 12:48

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 694

You deserved it 2 694

No wings

By David - 15/08/2020 17:07

Today, I was at work and got chest pains and a headache so bad, I vomited. My supervisor took my blood pressure twice and it was dangerously high both times. I went to the hospital, and after 3 hours of waiting, I got the most expensive lecture ever on drinking too many energy drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 2 652

By lacy - 01/03/2014 08:23 - United States - Louisville

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 288

You deserved it 10 343

By James - 26/08/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 576

You deserved it 3 695

By rojin12 - 30/08/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 31 992

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 06:00 - Australia - Frankston

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 293

You deserved it 490

By Please go home - 05/04/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 265

First of all… why?

By Brown Sandman - 25/12/2021 16:59

Today, I learned that there is no way to talk your way out of getting caught drunkenly wiping your ass on your best friend’s sister’s pillow, even if you yell, “SURPRISE!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 1 652

You OK mom?

By today - 09/09/2021 12:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 121

Alexa, play "I Get Around" by The Beach Boys

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 11:00 - United States - Levittown

Today, I went to the local street fair and ran into my boyfriend of five years. He was with his girlfriend of ten years. We both had no idea about each other. His family knew we both existed, and never said a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 105

By stupid - 24/12/2018 18:00

Today, after turning in a paper that I worked really hard on, I got it back with a grade of 0. In the feedback section, my professor wrote “In all my 37 years of teaching, this is by far the worst essay I have ever read.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 560

You deserved it 664

By Silent - 01/06/2012 14:24 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a girl started talking to me at the bus stop. After it descended into an awkward silence, I jumped on my bus to avoid further conversation. She got on the same bus. And got off at the same stop. I swear the whole bus could feel the tension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 891

You deserved it 4 655

By hard worker - 22/08/2016 01:03

Today, I gave my boss 2 weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 239

You deserved it 1 608

Thanks, I guess…

By edible - 20/05/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by sending her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who'd delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 482

You deserved it 4 070

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 21:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 6 116

By NotSoFunnyNow - 27/11/2017 15:00

Today, I tried to get a funny reaction from my dogs with a fart, like I saw in a YouTube video. I shat my pants and the dogs didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 3 908

By SadExperiment - 30/10/2012 00:42 - United States - Claremont

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 599

You deserved it 3 313

By S - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 292

You deserved it 5 743

By DuckMan - 07/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 2 594

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 074

You deserved it 2 802

Y'all need him!

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 3 502

By Coolios - 24/06/2013 14:16 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 799

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 05:51

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 811

You deserved it 36 717

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 756

You deserved it 6 281

By Randomspaghetti - 15/09/2016 21:11 - United States - Lehi

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 102

You deserved it 2 306

By Fitz - 05/05/2009 12:22 - United States

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184 611

You deserved it 14 228

By brooke - 21/03/2012 17:12 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 167

You deserved it 69 302

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Top comments

urmomsabortion 2

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:47

Ewwww

IAMYOURPINEAPPLE 9

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:56

You could use that as an excuse, say it covered your vision and you "accidentally" ran her car off the road and made her a paraplegic.

urmomsabortion 2

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:47

Ewwww

evilscorpi 29

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 9:22

omg woow women just get nastier day by day

waswashere 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 9:25

A used condom is 60 points

G0v3nat0r 7

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 10:13

I see what you did there

ellybelly_502 4

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 10:32

Haha 40 :) thats like Stewie from family guy! HA!

quinnbar 6

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 11:22

so the woman was changing her tampon in the car....she either has skill or is a wackjob.

milkndstufff 7

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 11:25

*definitely wackjob

randomchick15 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:24

That is just wrong and nasty

FarSide 22

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Thursday 29 December 2011 4:49

90 points if she puts inserts her diaphragm while driving.

dancersinger124 7

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Thursday 29 December 2011 6:49

I think a bloody tampon is worse then a used condom. :/

jessesgirl14 16

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Thursday 29 December 2011 7:54

That driver is probably related to the chic who changed her tampon in the movie theater, smh

jaredjudd21 2

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Friday 30 December 2011 7:46

I like how simple it is to get a hundred likes by saying one word :p

Chingy892987 14

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Friday 29 June 2012 4:18

Wasn't it a pad o.o? Bah, who cares, still disgusting -_-

swick25 22

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Sunday 16 February 2014 1:22

Can you read???? It clearly says, "TAMPON"!!!!!!!

alex6946 10

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:48

That is disgusting D:

fancyclown 9

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 9:55

Who'd buy that? Bear Grylls?

AngrehPirate 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 10:49

Forever alone would buy that.

taytay6510 6

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 11:03

Thanks, tips.

nahgemoohc 17

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Thursday 29 December 2011 15:52

OH GODLY HEAVENS!!!!NO!

bee716 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:48

That's disgusting...

a_tadych593 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:58

FML for reading this. Dx

lavaheead9 2

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Sunday 25 March 2012 4:32

that is so nasty why would a qoman do thar it us a discrace to woman everywere

StoryOfTheYear 13

Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:48

Save the earth! Flip it over and reuse!

ImSoSloth 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:51

You are fucked in the head, man.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 9:42

9- Sorry, Al Gore hacked my FML account, don't look at me.

mom2pen 4

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 13:46

You can't "flip over" a tampon, it is a cotton like plug inserted into a vjayjay to absorb the blood. The entire thing would be soaked in blood. You are thinking of a sanitary napkin which has a protective barrier on the "flip side" to prevent leaking through onto the panties that they are attached to.

monkeysareyummy 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 14:02

He wasn't being serious...

mom2pen 4

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 15:50

I realize that, "flipping it over" was an ignorant statement that made no sense.

jaybabii5 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 16:39

Lmao. Thats funny.

cade51 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 17:02

shut up

sinking_fish 12

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:01

78- I've been using tampons for years and your explanation just turned my stomach-.-

jbonaldo 0

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Thursday 29 December 2011 1:29

Grow up. Wasn't that gross

gogobear33 0

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Saturday 31 December 2011 5:08

No 1 cares

skyttlz 32

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:49

I would probably scream a little D=

green_tetris 2

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:44

I would probably scream a lot.

GDIZZLE93 11

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:50

*Eric Cartman's voice* "You shouldn't have done that, he's just a boy. Poor lil feller."

Checker 20

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 9:38

I feel it makes more sense in Butters' voice. But that's just me...

pinkzilla0 8

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 9:55

Yes, definitely Butters.

zombicidal 11

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 16:26

its a direct quote from cartman in the towlie episode where he bribes stans mom into buying an okama game sphere because he found a bloody tampon in the bathroom trash and thought it was an aborted fetus

yummylicious 5

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:50

Bitches be crazy these days.

karlavaleria 0

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:50

all bad..

LaColombianita 26

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:52

That's freakin nasty. Who does that..

cocodecoeur 12

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 12:16

Apparently, the lady in front of him.

PhoenixMuffin 12

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 8:56

Yum.

PhoenixMuffin 12

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Wednesday 28 December 2011 10:11

Yum: Y-ou're U-tterly M-istaking My comment was obviously a joke. Why would anyone like a bloody tampon? The fact that you thought I would kind of disturbs me.