The Top

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Jorts it is

By pantless - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 846

You deserved it 1 316

By AllyK_shawol - 09/03/2016 18:55 - United States - Midland

Today, I received a full tuition scholarship to my ideal university in the mail. This would be perfect, except I sent an email to the college 2 days earlier, informing them that I couldn't attend because of financial concerns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 248

You deserved it 2 177

AllyK_shawol tells us more.

AllyK_shawol 15

Saturday 12 March 2016 19:53

hi OP here again. cost of living is not included in the scholarship at all. no it is not more than the tuition of course but it is still sadly too much. for the field i am going into, i will end up getting a doctorate degree so going to a CC would not be a wise choice at all.

Daddy's girl, heartless father

By what? - 13/01/2022 23:01

Today, my daughter asked me to hug her and tell her I love her, like I "always used to", because she “misses it.” She’s 25 years-old and acts like a little baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 2 458

By Crushed - 04/11/2016 14:23

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 906

You deserved it 1 177

Help yourself

By BunnysKitty - 11/07/2017 04:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 934

You deserved it 365

By ripmylife - 10/10/2016 17:53 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 731

You deserved it 2 139

By littlekellilee - 16/09/2016 04:27 - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 799

You deserved it 1 537

Good friends

By cavallo31 - 28/06/2016 00:47 - United States

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 019

You deserved it 901

By WhatAKeeper - 02/05/2018 15:00 - Denmark

Today, my boyfriend accused me of ruining his life by getting pregnant. Apparently, the "love of his life" has now left him, and it's all my fault. I thought we were monogamous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 751

You deserved it 400

Truthbomb

By antwhite1987 - 08/05/2016 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my 5 year-old daughter saw me getting ready to sit down in a fold-out camp chair, and told me, with a big smile on her face, "Daddy, you're too fat to sit in that chair. You'll break it with your big butt." Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 410

You deserved it 1 443

She'll be single for a looong time...

By keiler - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 446

By titov - 10/01/2009 14:41 - France

Today, I got my stuff together before leaving to take the bus: cigarettes, newspaper, mobile phone and the trash. I took me at least 5 minutes in the bus to realize that I was travelling with the trash on my knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 066

You deserved it 7 173

By ShortTermMemoryFailure - 01/11/2018 12:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I discovered that I once again forgot my credit card in the vending machine at work. This is the second time in a week that this happened, and now 6 coworkers have bought drinks with my card since I lost it. I have no way of making it back to work for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 3 518

Small world

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 03:00

Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 3 937

By WiseGuy0481 - 19/12/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend leaving a store. She used to ridicule me for not making much money, but I now have a good job and a BMW. Trying to show off, I cranked up the music and drove by. She looked up right as I hit a car backing out of its parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 578

You deserved it 11 357

WiseGuy0481 tells us more.

WiseGuy0481 3

Monday 26 December 2016 0:34

When we were together it was constant comments about how I was barely staying afloat and "how could I take care of her if I could barely take care of myself?". I was trying everything I could to make her happy but she would not let it go. It ended up being part of the reason we split. That was almost a year ago. I now work for a great company and make really good money. I just bought my car last month. I see her coming out of the store and all those talks came shooting back into my head. I just wanted her to see me happy and doing well....ok I wanted her to feel dumb and regret splitting up. Nevertheless I blared the music and slowly rolled right into a car backing out. Luckily it barely scratched it. I saw no regret in her eyes, laughter yes, regret no. So yes I deserved it. Karma sucks.

By klutz - 15/12/2016 15:41 - United States - Woburn

Today, I broke my fifth bone in three years. While I'd like say that they've all been scary, athletic injuries, most have been from attempting to do things as mundane as walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 583

You deserved it 885

By rainbowlack - 17/11/2016 00:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was in the city newspaper for something I worked my ass off on. There was a picture of me working on my creation in the article with a caption, something like, "Chloe B, part of the robotics team." My name isn't Chloe, and I talked to the article writers. I haven't heard back at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 225

You deserved it 701

rainbowlack tells us more.

rainbowlack 17

Thursday 17 November 2016 18:45

OP here - still haven't heard back. I don't want to be a programmer; I want to be an author. But being featured in the paper was a start for me.

No, not now!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Estonia - Tartu

Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 822

You deserved it 1 051

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the girl who has a crush on me if she was autistic. She replied without hesitation, "I can be whatever you want me to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 1 114

Wrench in the works

By bluskyz1979 - 17/05/2016 15:32 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 669

You deserved it 1 041

By CROCKIN5150 - 14/03/2016 04:32 - United States

Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 827

You deserved it 2 331

By Ugly??? - 30/04/2017 00:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a woman messaged me on a dating app to tell me that I was ugly, and that I shouldn't be allowed on the site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 297

You deserved it 467

It's all balls to me

By anonymous - 01/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 402

You deserved it 1 312

Slumber off

By mean mommy - 16/07/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after two of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 2 282

Well Played

By redhead - 07/07/2017 04:30 - United States - Lima

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 431

You deserved it 434

By HungryBird - 03/03/2018 15:00 - Australia - Peakhurst

Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 949

You deserved it 581

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 264

You deserved it 5 070

By Daddy - 02/06/2016 08:04 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 495

You deserved it 705

By TheNewCashierInTown - 23/05/2016 19:30 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 892

You deserved it 3 162

By chee - 11/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 832

You deserved it 2 949

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The Top

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 467

You deserved it 2 734

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 467

You deserved it 3 829

Today, I had to make a deal with my 22 year old fiancé. What was the deal? If he put deodorant on, he could squeeze my boob for as long as he liked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 452

You deserved it 10 953

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 776

You deserved it 67 903

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year-old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say, "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 049

You deserved it 2 783

Today, I confidently walked into a meeting thinking I looked sharp in my new shirt. Halfway through, someone pointed out that the tag was still hanging out the back, flapping like a flag. It wasn’t even a size tag, it literally said "₦5,500" in bold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 323