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OP here. I'm IT, not an English major, and 300 charas is a limited space. Sorry if it was too garbled. This actually happened last year and was the last straw as far as my job there went. The company had a small sales staff and a policy where tech personnel, working on their own time, could bring in new clients. You got a biannual bonus proportional to how much the client contracted for. At the time, my wife was pregnant and on bedrest, so we really could have used the extra money. I had a friend working for a nice-sized company in the area that needed some IT services. While I didn't get any insider secrets from him, what I knew from general conversation was enough to tailor an offer and know how to present it to the company owner. My boss was the kind of person who saw everyone competent as conspiring to threaten his job, so he insisted on being on the call she wanted to confirm everything before signing. He was condescending to the client, constantly interrupted her, and tried to sell her things that she would never need. It was obvious he didn't know or care what her company needed or wanted. She politely asked him to stop and he dressed her down for rudeness and disrespect in front of her own employees. When she declined to sign a contract with us, he blamed me, even though I'd only gotten about three sentences out. And then I got a job somewhere much better and quit.

Bullet dodged

By Alien - 29/12/2015 11:07 - Switzerland

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 2 675

By alex327 - 29/10/2015 03:32 - United States - Dayton

Today, I tapped my sister on her shoulder to get her attention. I guess I was too close to her neck, which is where she is most ticklish, and ended up in the emergency room with a broken nose after she elbowed me in the face. I was just trying to repay her the $10 I borrowed from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 471

You deserved it 2 057

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 23:30 - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 316

You deserved it 2 211

By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 486

You deserved it 735

Talk to me

By iMarriedmymother - 07/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 985

You deserved it 2 563

#LurkerForLife

By Anonymous - 03/08/2017 05:00

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead that the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 799

You deserved it 1 113

Panic!

By Pisspants - 17/09/2016 04:39 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 166

You deserved it 2 854

Friendly fire

By Davios - 24/09/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 167

You deserved it 2 358

By Dediti - 14/06/2016 16:26 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I finally got to see the professional photographs taken at the wedding I recently attended. I can't find a single picture of myself that I like. I was the bride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 046

You deserved it 1 844

Dediti tells us more.

Dediti 8

Wednesday 15 June 2016 10:31

Hey guys: OP here. You're probably right to a degree about it being my issue. I'm not the most confident, I gained a lot of weight and I was hospitalised 2 days before the wedding so I was pretty ill. On the other side of the coin the photographers insisted on some outside photos and it was raining that misty rain... so my hair and makeup were ruined. The photos are all very natural and taken as you see them, not much in the way of editing so flaws are there for all to see. The girls were lovely and I've seen some of their other work and it was stunning. I guess maybe I don't have a flattering angle! Some of my guests candids were alright so I'll use those.

By story of my life. - 21/02/2009 14:33 - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 186

You deserved it 34 436