Kids, Health and School: Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year... - FML

21/09/2018 06:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year of study in America, to the doctor. It turns out that she is pregnant, and my teenage son is the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 618

Kids Health School

Sorry…

Don't hate the player…

Pile on

The Walking Dead

By Derek Wheeler - 06/12/2020 08:00 - United States - Longview

Today, we overheard a customer in our store talking on the phone about how she'd been exposed to someone positive for COVID-19, and was supposed to be at home in quarantine just in case. The terrifying thing is how many other people come into our store when they shouldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 97

Party animal

By Toto - 25/08/2021 14:01

Today, my brother was asking why I'm mad at him. Not a big deal, if we and our friends weren't now banned from a pub, all because he got shitfaced, started smoking weed and stripping off in public, even though marijuana wasn't allowed at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 73

30/07/2015 22:04 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 631

You deserved it 2 197

23/09/2013 17:53 - United States - Romulus

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long heartfelt loving message for our 2-year anniversary. Her reply was just "K." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 896

You deserved it 6 673

01/08/2010 07:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 6 856

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

By Gloria Lovestar - 13/09/2019 20:00

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 182

23/01/2019 18:00

Today, I got on the bus and the driver said I didn't have to pay since the ticket machine was broken. I was happy to have saved £2.40 until i realised someone had stolen my new £700 phone while I was talking to the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 321

You deserved it 287

Judgment Day

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 12:06 - United States - Pratt

Today, my fiancé and I are house-sitting for my future in-laws for the next 3 weeks. They left a bible in both bedrooms, along with printouts of an article denouncing the "sin" of premarital sex. They're such complete whack-jobs, I wouldn't be surprised if they've set up hidden cameras everywhere too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 381

You deserved it 1 840

Bad friends

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 285

Self-sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 09:20

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with a guy friend I hadn't seen for ages. The sexual tension was off the charts. We were making out and think were progressing, hands were roaming to both nether regions when I freaked out and blurted out, "But aren't we just friends?" We then sat and watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 825

You deserved it 12 564

10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 773

You deserved it 78 715

03/10/2011 23:19 - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 870

You deserved it 3 828

Don't listen to Cosmo

By FMBs - 30/04/2014 23:40 - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 615

You deserved it 7 179

04/03/2016 20:22 - United States - Newark

Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 018

You deserved it 1 704

19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 262

You deserved it 619

11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 316

You deserved it 2 715

24/06/2015 17:41

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 181

You deserved it 2 436

Getting no pussy love

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 05:02

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 367

25/12/2008 01:54 - France

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 276

You deserved it 11 039

24/11/2011 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to buy a bottle of wine from the supermarket. The scrawny, acne-ridden kid at the checkout asked to see my ID. I didn't have any on me, since I'm 37 years old and didn't expect to be asked stupid questions. I complained to his manager, only to be asked to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 54 320

27/04/2013 12:42 - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 829

You deserved it 5 125

25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 674

You deserved it 6 379

20/04/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 965

You deserved it 7 045

22/10/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 408

You deserved it 5 315

26/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 791

You deserved it 2 289

16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 036

You deserved it 6 436

05/09/2010 15:49 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 682

You deserved it 5 284

11/05/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 645

You deserved it 588

31/03/2015 16:47 - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 772

You deserved it 2 705

10/12/2009 09:29 - United States

Today, during a review session for a botany class, I began to space out. Then, I started to go, "beep, beep, beep, beep." I stopped when I noticed the entire class staring at me as if I were insane. This was not the first time this had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 310

You deserved it 36 716

26/06/2015 20:08 - United States - Clarksville

Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 2 978

18/04/2019 00:00

Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 257

09/06/2012 05:54 - United States - North Highlands

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 334

You deserved it 4 697

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 00:01

Today, after months of dealing with homophobic abuse for my coworkers and supervisors at my previous job, I was excited to start my new job where most of my co-workers were LGBTQ. I find out a majority of them don't like me because my fiancé is a deputy sheriff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 237

Fantasy world

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 1 642

02/03/2010 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 375

You deserved it 2 436

17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 3 412

22/09/2012 16:22 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 146

You deserved it 19 879

07/06/2014 05:15 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 319

You deserved it 4 819

03/03/2014 07:13 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend had broken up with me. She was more upset about it than I was. She actually almost cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 622

You deserved it 4 258

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Top comments

Leeono 26

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Friday 14 September 2018 11:59

Sounds like your son did some transferring too.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 14 September 2018 6:46

Welcome to America.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 14 September 2018 6:46

Welcome to America.

real life problems 26

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Friday 21 September 2018 12:33

They need to seal the deal by appearing on an episode of Maury or Jerry.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Saturday 22 September 2018 1:36

Won't be interesting enough for Jerry. There's no incest involved.

Leeono 26

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Friday 14 September 2018 11:59

Sounds like your son did some transferring too.

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 21 September 2018 13:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

The_candyman 13

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Friday 21 September 2018 16:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 21 September 2018 16:36

Trump campaigned on fucking immigrants. I’ll bet the son impregnated her while wearing is MAGA hat.

Dave_Davington 33

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Friday 21 September 2018 17:46

It's not a baby you fucking pillock, it's most likely an embryo, or a foetus at the very most. Furthermore, unless you're one of those "pro-life" Bible thumping mouth breathers, you should be well aware that there's nothing wrong with someone who doesn't want it in her body choosing to get rid of it.

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Friday 21 September 2018 20:06

There is no baby. There's a foetus, at best. It's really not the same thing.

WHSKitty4ever 23

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Saturday 22 September 2018 0:57

MURDERER!

Paul B. Gyurcsanszky 14

Sunday 23 September 2018 20:29

The fuck is wrong with you? It’s a child, not a “choice”! Why don’t you ask the baby if it wanted to live? Oh, wait, you can’t because it was murdered! Sicko!

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Friday 21 September 2018 13:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 21 September 2018 20:04

Yeah... because men are expected to have zero self control. She should have been safer, but he could have worn a condom or kept it in his pants. Takes two to tango and men should also be held responsible for accidents like this.

Nik 12

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Friday 21 September 2018 20:06

no one said she was a teenager:p

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Friday 21 September 2018 22:14

than*

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Friday 21 September 2018 13:32

!!!DAMN!!!

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Friday 21 September 2018 13:38

Well this turned into a foreign soap opera fast!

Davros 12

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Friday 21 September 2018 14:50

Herzliche Glückwünsche!

GMSP 18

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Friday 21 September 2018 16:25

Well that's fucked...

tibtak 20

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Friday 21 September 2018 17:29

Way to go son!

Nik 12

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Friday 21 September 2018 20:05

free green card

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 122

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136