By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML
I agree, your life sucks 9 377
You deserved it 690

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Honestly, I disagree with mending the relationship in this situation. It's one thing if she apologized and admitted she was wrong, it's quite another that she tried to pretend it never happened. The type of people that tell others they're going to hell for their actions, don't just forget, when that insult is directed at family and people they care about. If she truly thought what she did was a mistake and regretted it, she would have admitted to it, but she didn't. Instead she just whined, tried to guilt OP for not spending time with her, and made excuses. That's not how you mend a relationship when you're the guilty party. If you're going to be judgmental and rude, don't expect people to want a relationship with you, and it is perfectly reasonable for them to cut you off if you're being this way. They are under no obligation to forgive you if you're an asshole towards them. If you don't want people to do this, think about your actions before you make them.

I believe in second chances, but screw mending a relationship with someone who refuses to see where they went wrong.

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I mean, if she's nice to you and him now... Sometimes it's easier to be the bigger person and just move on by "forgetting" too. Could end up mending your relationship with her this way.

I believe in second chances, but screw mending a relationship with someone who refuses to see where they went wrong.

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Normally, yeah, OP should try to make amends. Problem here is that the godmother ISN'T regretfull about what happend and rather pretends it did not happen and most likely isn't trying to make up for it. Sometimes repairing ties doesn't make your life happier, and my guess is that this is one of those cases.

Well you're going too far to assume that OP doesn't want to let it go. Pretending like something never happened versus actually being regretful for your actions are two different things.

You can let things go without bringing poisonous people back into your life.

I find it amusing that people that tend to tell someone to "let it go" are usually the type of people that would also say or do what it is that has the person upset. But those same people will refuse to "let go" of their own grudges. It's almost like people use it because they don't want to take responsibility for saying and doing abusive or harmful things.

Why can't you just tell her that then? If she sends a card every year, then I feel it's better for everyone to be straight forward with her. With or without accepting her back in your life, I feel she has a right to know since she seems to care. Also if she doesn't even remember saying it, did she really mean it? People change too.

I'm sure OP has told her the reason considering the response was "I forgot" from the godmother. Also, how does one forget that they told someone to go to hell? If I tell someone to go to hell, I'd definitely remember it. (Unless I have some disease).

I can see that point now and after reading #5's comment I actually disagree with what I originally posted. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt without realizing all aspects.

Honestly, I disagree with mending the relationship in this situation. It's one thing if she apologized and admitted she was wrong, it's quite another that she tried to pretend it never happened. The type of people that tell others they're going to hell for their actions, don't just forget, when that insult is directed at family and people they care about. If she truly thought what she did was a mistake and regretted it, she would have admitted to it, but she didn't. Instead she just whined, tried to guilt OP for not spending time with her, and made excuses. That's not how you mend a relationship when you're the guilty party. If you're going to be judgmental and rude, don't expect people to want a relationship with you, and it is perfectly reasonable for them to cut you off if you're being this way. They are under no obligation to forgive you if you're an asshole towards them. If you don't want people to do this, think about your actions before you make them.

Thank you! THIS. I couldn't have said it better.

I agree. A petty grudge is one thing, but this isn't. Plus, even if reaching out to mend the relationship was in the cards, pretending to forget (or caring so little that one actually did forget) is not exactly a mending attitude.

Yeah but it was 6 years ago. If she's old her memory could be very bad. I mean can you remember EVERY event that has happened in your past 6 years? If it was just this one thing that caused a rift, then it's petty. However, I can understand if it's much more than that. If it's just one event that causes an argument, you shouldn't hold a grudge unless it's something insanely bad. But if it's years and years of constant abuse, I'd say no you shouldn't mend the relationship. I understand it can hurt, but sometimes you just need to let go of things.

Spraying a chemical compound (as in, say PERFUME) in someone's face can cause them to go blind if it gets in their eyes, and also cause IMMENSE amounts of pain and permanent damage aside from blindness. So, that said, while it might sound like a 'minor' event to you, #32, not only was the event emotionally and physically abusive, but could have had severe, life changing impacts for OP. That's putting aside he fact that, the only reason the event WOULDN'T stand out is if the Godmother says and does things like this on such a regular basis that it wasn't unique enough to stand out.

So send her a bottle of perfume to remind her... unless you're afraid she'll use it on you again

I wouldn't even waste the money for that on her.

Maybe a perfume bottle filled with cat piss, but in OP's shoes I sure as hell wouldn't be getting the godmother anything of actual value.

Its not about forgiving. You can forgive and not have contact with the person. Even if Granny actually has forgotten what she did, old age, six years, might happen, but there is a big chance she does the same again, it wasn't an accident the first time.

Godmother, not granny.

Even family needs to realize their actions will have permanent consequences with you when they fuck up hard.

Was she drunk? On meds? Anything? If so second chances wouldn't hurt? If not, let her be a memory.

I find the part about the perfume totally random. What was she trying to achieve? What's the connection between hell and perfume?

Because if you spray perfume in someone's eye it really hurts. But she probably mistook it for holy water.

Unlucky1232 20

going to hell for moving in with your then boyfriend? Why? God doesn't care about premarital sex, it's just the church didn't condone the practice because illegitimate kids were nothing to their fathers. Since i see no other reason this could be an issue i ask for someone to please explain this to me

The Bible contains several quotes that can be interpreted as condemning sex before marriage. Corinthians 7:1-40, Hebrews 13:4, Exodus 32:16, all these mention sex before marriage in some way, combined with the term "sexual immorality." So some religious people condemn 2 people moving in together before marriage because it means they'll be sharing a bed and having sex, engaging in this "sexual immorality," and "defiling the marriage bed," even though this isn't necessarily the case, or at the very least it increases the temptation to be "immoral." Sex is a temptation, and submitting to temptation is submitting to Satan, kind of like Eve with the apple. It's an old view, but a few people still believe it.

Unlucky1232 20

that's.... just dumb.... maybe it's due to my non religious mostly nonchalant attitude but i fail to see any logic. I mean seriously why would he care who you have sex with? Sex is as much as a temptation as the need to eat. Argh.... i don't get religious people