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By Anonymous - 18/04/2016 23:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 284

You deserved it 2 819

Sharing is caring

By Carla J. - 19/12/2008 05:41 - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 722

You deserved it 2 875

Touch grass

By Dr_JF - 15/12/2008 07:11 - France

Today, I told myself, "Come on you geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your computer, go for a walk." I finally mustered the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've now been in an internet café for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 496

You deserved it 9 085

By Anonymous - 29/09/2018 03:00

Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting a blowjob. When I confronted him, he panicked and claimed it was me in the video. Then he tried to say it was from before we met, even though in the video he was wearing the watch I bought him for his birthday 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 596

You deserved it 351

Give it back

By boned - 27/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 457

You deserved it 3 348

By anxiety - 16/11/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 208

You deserved it 10 376

By nothowscienceworks - 13/11/2015 07:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 980

You deserved it 1 738

By Yes - 24/11/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 496

You deserved it 3 391

By Lenny_R - 08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 453

You deserved it 908

Run run run

By runner - 14/11/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 040

You deserved it 3 803

By ohcollege - 01/10/2010 10:04 - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 374

You deserved it 2 519

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 849

You deserved it 1 383

Good job

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 473

You deserved it 4 571

By Foot In Mouth - 13/07/2016 02:46 - United States - Bentonville

Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 308

You deserved it 6 071

By dammitRandy - 19/06/2016 17:18 - United States - Kearny

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 076

You deserved it 1 122

By PrettySureItsReal - 09/04/2015 19:38 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 105

You deserved it 2 220

By Derek - 05/08/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 086

You deserved it 288

Crawling

By mojolady - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 031

You deserved it 12 613

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 02:50 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 153

You deserved it 2 249

Pit stop

By shart - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 849

You deserved it 2 369

By Me - 12/01/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 182

You deserved it 3 682

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 13:30 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 395

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 09/01/2016 04:01 - Argentina - Lanus

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 425

You deserved it 2 032

By Anonymous - 05/12/2016 18:22

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the same bed my dog pooped in because we were both too polite to ask the other person why they smelt like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 241

You deserved it 5 477

Randy Daddy

By franzbiel - 31/10/2009 12:54 - Switzerland

Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 080

You deserved it 2 574

By Aeare_ - 17/09/2016 04:15 - United States - Dixon

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 588

You deserved it 1 249

By whoops - 15/08/2016 04:07 - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 863

You deserved it 14 095

By spaaaarta - 25/07/2016 20:17

Today, I was washing my car, and I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 705

You deserved it 12 573

By I was talking about her. - 29/06/2016 05:24

Today, a lady called the candy store and wanted to know our ice cream flavors. We have 30 and I had a line of people to help, so I directed her to our new website. She called back, wanting me to walk her through finding it. I couldn't, as we're not allowed, so she called me useless. She showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 760

You deserved it 1 018

Clumped

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, while at my parents' house, I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 507

You deserved it 18 099

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The Top

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 429

You deserved it 14 031

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 310

You deserved it 5 530

Random

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 478

You deserved it 1 432

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 744

You deserved it 6 583

Today, I woke up realizing my 40th birthday is on Sunday and I’ll only have about 40 more years to live after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 276

Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 697

Today, I was playing an online chess game against someone with a way higher rating than mine. Amazingly, I was winning… until the fucking game froze, and remained frozen until I ran out of time. It wasn't even bad WiFi. It just froze for no reason, then conveniently started again THE VERY MOMENT I LOST ON TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 95

Today, I took my car in because of a strange rattling noise. The mechanic charged me nothing, just handed me back my reusable water bottle that had been rolling around under the passenger seat for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 427