Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We...

By Anonymous - 9/1/2016 04:01 - Argentina - Lanus

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Mr Sensitivity

For the life of him indeed

By fml9124 - 28/7/2020 20:00

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2020 08:01

Who am I?

Today, while having hot passionate sex with my boyfriend, while I was moaning his name, he was coming to release and yelled out, "NO, THIS IS PATRICK!" His name isn't Patrick. FML

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By ribbonsundone - 6/1/2010 10:07 - United States

Today, I treated my friends to lunch at a posh restaurant because it's my birthday. While we were walking leisurely around the mall afterwards, their boyfriends showed up. I spent the next few hours walking alone behind them while they were walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. FML

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By aubrey - 14/10/2017 01:30

Time to go topless I guess...

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 00:30 - Germany - Titisee-neustadt

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

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By ryan and Zack - 25/2/2010 22:30 - United States

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2012 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

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By Cary - 26/12/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend has a deeper voice than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2009 04:02 - Canada

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

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By mhogan - 10/3/2020 21:00 - Canada

The Laws of Attraction

Today, I was skiing and crashed into a tree. It was the only tree on the slope. FML

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By MakeMyDay_27 - 27/6/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

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By ThinZ - 24/12/2011 00:26 - United States

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

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By Mikey832 - 9/8/2010 13:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

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By yuck - 15/11/2011 14:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

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By madison77 - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

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By Nick - 22/5/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

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By FLkiki - 24/7/2020 20:00

All or nothing

Today, I found out I didn’t get a job because I'd flashed the owner whilst drunk. Guess my tits weren’t better than my resume. FML

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By stillkindahorny - 13/9/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

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By saqmuel093 - 18/1/2015 19:44 - Malaysia - Tatau

Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

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By docwinters - 27/5/2013 12:39 - Australia - Bathurst

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2019 20:10

Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML

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By K. - 7/5/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

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By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

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By awkword - 31/12/2014 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

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By MakeMeASandwich - 10/6/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

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By Username - 8/10/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

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By AverageDeskJoe - 3/5/2016 20:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I met with my boss hoping to hear about a possible raise that had been promised many months ago. He then told me that the only way I would get a raise was if I found a better paying job and took it, and that the company was in no position to offer anyone a raise. FML

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By xxteenhearts - 29/5/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

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By dan - 9/5/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

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By It's CSI Miami - 24/6/2015 04:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

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By thisguy - 24/2/2012 01:54 - Canada

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on and drive away. FML

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By scooterbyrd - 31/8/2020 02:01

Don't follow by example

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML

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By News-print Face Kate - 18/7/2012 16:37 - United Kingdom

Today, a man slapped me in the face with his newspaper because I didn't get out of his way fast enough at the train station. I guess he didn't notice I was on crutches. FML

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By burned - 24/5/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

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By Eric Moore - 25/9/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years said she was leaving me because recently I wasn't making much money, and was playing too many video games. I recently got a raise at my job of 5 years. The job? Testing video games. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2019 00:04

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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By ugh - 21/1/2014 18:55 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

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By gnafron - 31/12/2014 11:30 - France - Grenoble

Today, I went outside at 9am in my boxer shorts to get my mail in my garden. I'd put a shoe in the door to keep the door jammed open, but when I ran back, my dog had the shoe in his mouth and all the doors and windows were closed. FML

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Top comments

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#6506161 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:30

Well, he's rude AND mean.

By evanmurphy | 14

#6506166 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:32

That is very disrespectful of him. You should tell someone you trust how you feel and get it sorted out.

Good luck OP.

COMMENTS

By FloorX | 14

#6506160 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:30

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#6506161 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:30

Well, he's rude AND mean.

firefighter925 | 18

#6506185 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:42

And hilarious hahaha

By ellisp1 | 15

#6506162 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:30

That's terrible. Sorry OP

By evanmurphy | 14

#6506166 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:32

That is very disrespectful of him. You should tell someone you trust how you feel and get it sorted out.

Good luck OP.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6506167 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:33

Completely uncalled for. You should be very proud OP..

By jazzybaby179 | 22

#6506169 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:33

Good job Op! Just say 'oops sorry dad that was a picture of you'

awesomeamandas | 37

#6506338 - Sunday 10 January 2016 6:24

OP is a girl. So that wouldn't work.

jazzybaby179 | 22

#6506464 - Sunday 10 January 2016 10:04

Aw man didnt see that there!

Radgears47 | 23

#6506493 - Sunday 10 January 2016 12:32

"Oops! Sorry dad that was you before the operation."
Or
"Its miraculous how far you've come dad!"

jazzybaby179 | 22

#6506524 - Sunday 10 January 2016 14:32

Thank you! You understand me :p

GuyOnBridge | 14

#6512009 - Saturday 16 January 2016 16:40

this is OPs step-dad

By celebi82 | 18

#6506175 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:35

Wow, he's rude. I wonder if your mom knows how mean he is to you...

By nominaski | 25

#6506178 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:37

Damn. He's a mean old bastard. Sorry you have to put up with this fucking douchebag.

By LadyKayDee | 23

#6506180 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:39

Sometimes people think they're being clever and funny when they're just being really inconsiderate and rude. You should let him know that wasn't right of him to say that.

By Mathalamus | 24

#6506184 - Sunday 10 January 2016 0:42

mean little shit.