Cancel the wedding

By Anonymous - 02/11/2022 14:00

Today, I tried to talk to my soon-to-be-husband about how he needs to take a more active approach in his own life. It devolved to him screaming at me and putting words in my mouth. This has been going on for six months. FML
I agree, your life sucks 638
You deserved it 612

Same thing different taste

Top comments

If it’s been going on for 6 months, why is the wedding still on?

End the engagement. It's only going to get worse once you tie that knot. It may not be your fault, it may not even be his fault, but this is NOT going to last. In my experience, the most toxic relationship dynamic after outright abusive behavior is when a wife is ambitious for her husband, but her husband is laid back and just wants to enjoy life. She wants him to do, be and earn more, and he just wants to enjoy life and do enough to get by and enjoy his hobbies. Neither is necessarily wrong in their approach to life, but they do NOT combine. The husband will think his wife is always nagging and trying to kill his free time and enjoyment of life, and the wife will think her husband is a deadbeat who doesn't want to take care of her or her future children. I've seen this with at least 3-4 friends whose marriages ended over this same dynamic.

Comments

If it’s been going on for 6 months, why is the wedding still on?

Maybe he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t want you to direct what he does

Maybe he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t want you to direct what he does

if he screams at you, don't marry the guy!

Breaking up is cheaper than divorce. Jus' sayin'...

Absolutely, learn from my mistakes and many others. If there is a single red flag, no go. And heck, even if there aren't any, why does everyone always want to get married? It doesn't fix everything, you know?

One red flag means nothing. I had a lot of concerns before I got married but my marriage is better now than it was the day we got married. I've been married for 12 years. You got to watch out for multiple red flags. There's always going to be one red flag. No red flags is a red flag itself.

But I agree that she needs to get this worked out before she gets married.

End the engagement. It's only going to get worse once you tie that knot. It may not be your fault, it may not even be his fault, but this is NOT going to last. In my experience, the most toxic relationship dynamic after outright abusive behavior is when a wife is ambitious for her husband, but her husband is laid back and just wants to enjoy life. She wants him to do, be and earn more, and he just wants to enjoy life and do enough to get by and enjoy his hobbies. Neither is necessarily wrong in their approach to life, but they do NOT combine. The husband will think his wife is always nagging and trying to kill his free time and enjoyment of life, and the wife will think her husband is a deadbeat who doesn't want to take care of her or her future children. I've seen this with at least 3-4 friends whose marriages ended over this same dynamic.

you need to cancel or "postpone indefinitely" and RUN. it's only going to get worse. do you really want to try to live the rest of your life like this? or possibly bring children into this? get out while you can

RED FLAG ALERT. this needs to be taken care of BEFORE you marry him. something is going on and it WILL ONLY GET WORSE. I CAN NOT SAY HOW BIG OF A CAUTION RED FLAG THAT THIS IS.

Please dump him. This will not work out.