sounds you haven't lived your life to the fullest. stop being afraid to reach for your dreams.

Be grateful for every day my friend

Maybe if you're lucky. The last few might not even be worth having. With Covid around, it's not a sure thing you'll get one more birthday!

Sounds like your are not happy with your life. Take a break from work and think about what you want to do. On another note, remember that in those 40 years, the first 15 are mostly being dependant on parents/studying so it's normal you can't enjiy them to their fullest. But you are 40, you got plenty of time in front of you. I wish you all the best!

And????

Or more! And wait 2 years before making any big decision.