Love and Intimacy: Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting...

By Anonymous - 29/09/2018 03:00

Today, I found a video on my boyfriend's phone of him getting a blowjob. When I confronted him, he panicked and claimed it was me in the video. Then he tried to say it was from before we met, even though in the video he was wearing the watch I bought him for his birthday 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 368

You deserved it 317

Love Intimacy

Dysfunctional

Don't Give Up

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By Adam - 29/07/2019 20:00

Today, I had a job interview at a Holiday Inn. I got there ten minutes early and sat until 1:00 p.m., then told the person at the front desk I was there for my interview. She called the manager, who said that no interviews were scheduled today. I'd gone to the wrong Holiday Inn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 1 619

By Anonymous - 31/01/2017 16:00 - United States - Rochester

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 675

You deserved it 1 498

By dancer_2014 - 28/05/2011 12:44 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 160

You deserved it 16 282

By Joanna - 27/12/2018 18:00

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 12 239

By unemployed-dude - 08/12/2015 06:17 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 3 855

By woundedexwife - 16/01/2010 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 870

You deserved it 2 820

Science has gone too far

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 22:00

Today, I watched our very clever cat turn on our oven with ease. I now fear for my children's lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 716

You deserved it 5 834

Break it off

By Anonymous - 06/04/2020 02:00

Today, I found out my fiancée wishes she'd never said yes when I proposed, as she is in love with another man and has been hiding their relationship for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 122

By forever alone - 12/05/2013 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 600

You deserved it 74 285

By Ed - 05/12/2010 13:53 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 605

You deserved it 11 055

By kat9232000 - 19/06/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 805

You deserved it 110 363

Call an exorcist

By mazz - 26/10/2021 04:59

Today, as usual, without fail, every time I wake up earlier than 10 AM, I vomit blood. No doctor can figure out why, and my parents think I'm lying, spoiled little princess who just wants to be lazy and sleep in every day. If I don’t wake up at 6 AM every day from now on, I’m grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 109

By photonut13 - 15/07/2010 10:52 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 500

You deserved it 2 992

By Anonymous - 29/10/2011 07:43 - United States

Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriends house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 436

You deserved it 23 740

Evil will always win

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 08:00

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned 3 separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 177

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 109

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 349

You deserved it 1 829

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 360

You deserved it 6 071

Oh gosh

By Anonymous - 16/02/2020 14:00

Today, I noticed a strange mark on the inside of my mouthwash bottle. As I was bending down to investigate, my hands tightened around the bottle and mouthwash squirted in my eye. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 650

By fuck - 21/04/2012 02:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 786

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 03/10/2016 14:09 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, while working the Sunday rush at the deli, I held up a piece of ham to a blind customer and asked him if it was thick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 150

You deserved it 3 554

Where's my coffee?

By dinkley7 - 20/05/2021 11:00

Today, so far, I’ve been called the c-word, a bitch, and a douche. All by the same person, all because I wouldn't make them coffee at 1 in the morning. We don’t serve coffee until 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 70

By Ughh! - 20/02/2013 20:40 - France

Today, the people living below me have been blasting their music so loudly that I can hear every word as clear as day. The people next door think it's my music and feel the need to bang on the wall and blast their music just as loudly in revenge. I have two very important exams tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 935

You deserved it 3 287

By mcdman - 19/01/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 898

You deserved it 5 869

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 202

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 739

You deserved it 6 560

By BCBUDDY - 07/05/2011 15:29 - United States

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 407

You deserved it 91 703

By tattooapprentice - 01/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 748

You deserved it 418

By teeth - 30/01/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 237

You deserved it 45 766

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 439

You deserved it 39 739

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 15:00 - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 813

You deserved it 2 147

By bad date - 13/06/2012 04:42 - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 3 709

Hormones

By HormonesSuck - 25/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 12:00

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 251

By kl - 26/10/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 055

You deserved it 4 760

By monkeycannon7 - 24/04/2012 16:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 325

You deserved it 29 604

By injuredwifelady - 23/02/2016 08:23 - United States - Omaha

Today, I was sleeping peacefully with my cat sweetly snuggling my legs under the covers. My husband dutch-ovened her, and she shredded my calves as she rushed to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 1 977

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:36 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 354

You deserved it 5 181

Barf

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 20:00

Today, I spent all day cleaning the carpets in every room. I own two dogs and a cat, so deodorizing and deep cleaning the carpets is an all-day chore. At 9 p.m., after I was done with the last room, I went out to the living room and saw one of my dogs had been sick all over the place. Had to reclean the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 186

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RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 29 September 2018 4:00

Even though you gave him the watch, it’s you who knows what time it is.

PenguinPal3017 19

Saturday 29 September 2018 3:58

On the bright side, it sounds like he likes the watch. It's hard to get gifts people will like.

whiskey'swino 15

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Saturday 29 September 2018 3:13

That blows. What a cock-up.

redgiraffe27 6

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Saturday 29 September 2018 3:18

That sucks. Literally

hpand 5

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Saturday 29 September 2018 3:54

Well, you got the "crime time" narrowed down to past three days. That could be the only silver lining.

PenguinPal3017 19

Saturday 29 September 2018 3:58

On the bright side, it sounds like he likes the watch. It's hard to get gifts people will like.

Ladin Mars 8

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Saturday 29 September 2018 20:15

that doesn't make any sense, not like the girl giving him a bj would know it's from a girl

rodfergie 18

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Saturday 29 September 2018 20:19

Sounds like the other girl also gave him a gift he liked!

angelface723 4

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Saturday 29 September 2018 21:02

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Studious_Gluteus 13

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Saturday 29 September 2018 3:58

Which direction does time flow on that watch?

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 29 September 2018 4:00

Even though you gave him the watch, it’s you who knows what time it is.

Nik 12

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Saturday 29 September 2018 6:04

why do you call him boyfriend instead of ex?

notatfault 8

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Saturday 29 September 2018 7:39

My sarcastic reply to the dude would be, "I didn't know you were a time traveler."

Soviet Chilingulo 7

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Saturday 29 September 2018 9:06

Proof of time traveling.

Davros 12

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Saturday 29 September 2018 10:11

So he got a BBJ, a birthday blow job.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 345

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 681

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