By Foot In Mouth - United States - Bentonville Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML I agree, your life sucks 11229 You deserved it 5955 38 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - Canada Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML I agree, your life sucks 29808 You deserved it 8827 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shal4 Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML I agree, your life sucks 24805 You deserved it 1412 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Bankstown Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML I agree, your life sucks 34166 You deserved it 3669 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Amarillo Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML I agree, your life sucks 22553 You deserved it 2891 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Calimero0 - 11/8/2020 17:02 Extreme phobias Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 931 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Lamar Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 51258 You deserved it 3037 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By toothfairy - United Kingdom Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML I agree, your life sucks 46607 You deserved it 2968 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RotoRooter - United States Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML I agree, your life sucks 73300 You deserved it 12581 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rs - Egypt Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML I agree, your life sucks 8505 You deserved it 25276 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mommyopps - United States - Madison Lake Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML I agree, your life sucks 21830 You deserved it 3542 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meow - Australia Today, while working at McDonald's a car full of obnoxious teens came through. They had made a $30 order, and handed me a tin of small change, claiming that on a McDonald's ad they saw that we, employees, liked counting change. I had to count out $30 in spare change during a rush period at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 57170 You deserved it 4869 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 2731 You deserved it 364 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By princessbbee - United States Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML I agree, your life sucks 25694 You deserved it 7114 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OuchImAMoron - United States - Old Bridge Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML I agree, your life sucks 44412 You deserved it 46607 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Singapore Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML I agree, your life sucks 41670 You deserved it 3812 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lexii - United States Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 9712 You deserved it 30763 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RootyTootToot Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML I agree, your life sucks 2529 You deserved it 1446 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cat Ashes - United States - Dewitt Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML I agree, your life sucks 43677 You deserved it 2781 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Moeswifey - United States Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 31322 You deserved it 4515 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Springfield Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 57013 You deserved it 13011 331 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ozzy - United States - Campbell Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML I agree, your life sucks 9808 You deserved it 1123 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Italy - Padova Today, as I tried to get off the bus, my bag and the hand holding it got stuck between the exit doors. I dropped the bag in panic, but the driver wouldn't let me off until we got to the next stop. I had to walk all the way back to get my bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 32480 You deserved it 3114 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML I agree, your life sucks 36213 You deserved it 16720 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shunned - United Kingdom Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML I agree, your life sucks 34499 You deserved it 4770 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got excited because I found Monsters University and The Croods online, neither of which I've seen. I'm 33, single, and it's Saturday night. FML I agree, your life sucks 42084 You deserved it 8066 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TPelekakis - United States - Kingsport Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML I agree, your life sucks 11685 You deserved it 1020 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Employee - United States - Lincoln Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML I agree, your life sucks 21364 You deserved it 12565 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML I agree, your life sucks 33295 You deserved it 5868 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 20:00 Compassion Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML I agree, your life sucks 2022 You deserved it 211 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Humble Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML I agree, your life sucks 27118 You deserved it 7509 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lopsided - United States - Gainesville Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML I agree, your life sucks 33438 You deserved it 2690 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jesus christ - United States Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML I agree, your life sucks 35274 You deserved it 3423 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fatnotpregnant Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML I agree, your life sucks 4093 You deserved it 1238 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lemonchips - Norway Today, in class I was teaching 6 year olds about the difference between short and tall, and I asked them how they could see that I was shorter than the other teacher. One of them raised their hand and said it was because I'm fatter. FML I agree, your life sucks 24341 You deserved it 2960 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By erin - 2/4/2021 10:59 Stranger danger Today, I saw a girl with the same shirt as me. I excitedly pointed it out. She punched me in the face. I didn’t think people actually got mad about that. FML I agree, your life sucks 913 You deserved it 70 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML I agree, your life sucks 57607 You deserved it 3629 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By traveling Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML I agree, your life sucks 47879 You deserved it 6384 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML I agree, your life sucks 15569 You deserved it 2103 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SierraCheyenne - United States - Denver Poor Henry Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML I agree, your life sucks 2002 You deserved it 507 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jogginglikeitsmyjob - United States - Boston Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML I agree, your life sucks 44991 You deserved it 7007 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lilycups | 11 #6649074 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:12 Do you actually do porn or was that an instinctual joke? Send a private message 644 6 Reply
By MDoremis | 38 #6649066 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:01 That escalated quickly. Send a private message 296 10 Reply
By melissawarren | 7 #6649065 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:00 Well shit... Send a private message 77 11 Reply
By MDoremis | 38 #6649066 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:01 That escalated quickly. Send a private message 296 10 Reply
By anonymoususer070 | 17 #6649069 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:03 Haha, why would that even come to mind during something like that? Hopefully you didn't lose the client and they have a sense of humor :) Send a private message 58 3 Reply
By ulissey_fml | 22 #6649071 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:08 So it's fetish porn, hey ? Maybe the assistant liked what you did with that foot ... Send a private message 31 46 Reply
Reply Casual_Cthulhu | 12 #6649409 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 21:57 I see what you did there Send a private message 22 1 Reply
By lilycups | 11 #6649074 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:12 Do you actually do porn or was that an instinctual joke? Send a private message 644 6 Reply
Reply KayDee29 | 31 #6649084 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:23 I'm also curious about this. Send a private message 62 3 Reply
Reply ThrottleJockey | 34 #6649239 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 16:25 And please provide links, for research purposes. Send a private message 77 5 Reply
Reply Malsain_fml | 10 #6649290 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 17:41 #16 Agreed! I wonder if it's a girl or a guy! Send a private message 4 22 Reply
Reply KayDee29 | 31 #6649528 - Thursday 14 July 2016 1:55 #16 yes, I'm doing an extensive research on this specific subject. All the research. Send a private message 11 3 Reply
By Tomato_Cheese | 22 #6649075 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:12 Uhmmm... Send a private message 4 6 Reply
By hardcorefan16 | 22 #6649078 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:17 You just screwed yourself over. Send a private message 27 1 Reply
Reply obvious_lee | 9 #6649125 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 11:49 No, no... that's in the porn. Send a private message 82 0 Reply
By chelsmokes | 14 #6649093 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:37 Why??? How is this a thing that you just blurted out?? Lol Send a private message 16 3 Reply
Reply Colon_Man | 17 #6649302 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 18:14 I'm vegan. Send a private message 13 9 Reply
Reply MrGarrett26 | 11 #6649347 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 19:49 that's a pretty common joke when someone says another looks familiar Send a private message 11 1 Reply
By hiddenUSERNAME | 27 #6649105 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 10:54 This needs a follow up Send a private message 49 0 Reply
By species4872 | 19 #6649129 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 11:56 Sounds like a good thing to say. Did you give the client a sample tape? 19 2 Reply
Today, a guy propositioned me for a threesome with his girlfriend. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's knows I'm gay and have a boyfriend, or... I agree, your life sucks 152 You deserved it 11 0 Comments
Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed... I agree, your life sucks 599 You deserved it 36 2 Comments