Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came... - FML

By baseball25635 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

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Proactive

Small town blues

Grow up

By RogerReady - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

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By anthony - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

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By Sh*t - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

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By Nick - United States

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

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By PocketTrash - 20/3/2020 21:00

This guy grudges

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

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By christinabear - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

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By jessinono - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

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By why do eggs explode - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

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By sophiae123 - United States - Cadillac

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

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By SURPRISE - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

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By dontpeeonmenxtime - United States

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

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By insightful - Australia

Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML

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By Fred - France

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

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By too eager - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By boring - New Zealand

Today, I fell asleep and dreamed that I had won $500,000. In my dream, I used this money to buy a new MP3 Player, and then put the rest in a term deposit. Even in my dreams, I'm the most boring person I know. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

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By cantgetup - Canada

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

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By time to buy a gun - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By lk07

Today, when I bent down to get something off a low shelf at the grocery store, I felt my shorts split wide open at the butt. All my husband did was make jokes about "that's not how you do the splits." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marinette

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

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By Pete

Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

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By Richocet - Canada

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

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By GeeThanksMom

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

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By super maman - France - Montauban

Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML

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By [SiMON] - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By very punny - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

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By RIP

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

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By Snurkles - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

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By burning balls of fuck this - United States - Oakton

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elkhart

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

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By Fido - United States

Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML

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By Tingly - United States

Today, I realized that that tingly feeling on my face when I put a new combination of acne wash, acne medication, and my usual moisturizer on was not, in fact, "it working." It was slowly peeling away the top layer of skin. I look and feel sunburned. I also still have acne and oily skin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

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By username - 6/6/2020 08:04

Keep out

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

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Top comments

By sux_2_b_you | 0

#598297 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:19

F your sons life for having a retard like you for a dad.

By OHHgreatttt | 0

#598242 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:07

hahahhaha! did the crowd laugh at you?

COMMENTS

By Syrathia | 0

#598237 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:06

UUUU THATS FUCKED UP

Reply

dcbog123 | 0

#598637 - Friday 2 October 2009 1:29

wtf, you must be some sorta fat ass to crack a windsheild like that. YDI for being fat

Reply

baseball25635 | 0

#598980 - Friday 2 October 2009 5:06

for the record I'm 6'6'' 215 LBS so if you consider that a fat ass then guilty as charged

Reply

Reyo | 2

#599828 - Friday 2 October 2009 19:01

Now let's assume the ball WAS headed right for your windshield, and you managed to dive in front of it just in time...do you think that kind of impact would feel good on the sternum?

Reply

Zamax | 0

#976567 - Thursday 8 April 2010 21:45

GASP! The OP posted a comment on his own FML. That rarely ever happens!

By hbgoddard | 0

#598239 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:06

Dumb ass. You really couldn't tell that your car didn't lie within the trajectory of the ball?

Reply

KillerNomNoms | 0

#2083373 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:16

sorry, we aren't all math geeks like you

By OHHgreatttt | 0

#598242 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:07

hahahhaha! did the crowd laugh at you?

By quirinus | 0

#598252 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:09

YTDI for being fat, a normal weigt person can't crack the windshield

Reply

ndawgg | 5

#598528 - Friday 2 October 2009 0:43

The average adult is about 150 pounds. I'm fairly certain 150 pounds on glass is going to break it.

Reply

zackmx99 | 0

#963553 - Friday 19 March 2010 2:54

first of all yea 150 can still break it and second on average more like 180 for men

Reply

memowgirl | 10

#5802105 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:28

You're kind of an asshat. Grow up and quit judging. You don't even know what this guy looks like

By plexico | 3

#598279 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:15

When it comes to judging flies, you ought to stick to evaluating the insects. You stink at the other.

By Expertfail | 0

#598287 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:17

That.

Well, it's all kinds of bad, isn't it?

By sux_2_b_you | 0

#598297 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:19

F your sons life for having a retard like you for a dad.

Reply

ScaryPants3 | 0

#598305 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:21

Amen.

By flyboy57 | 0

#598300 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:20

smooth!

By So_Yeah | 0

#598360 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:39

>.< wow that sucks, I hope they can fix it cheaply for you. Windscreens can be expensive. Its a pity it wasn't just part of your car you can fix with duct tape... >.> not that I've done that before.

By alsoelp | 0

#598404 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:52

Depth perception fail.

don't jump on your cars windshield. even if the ball was gunning for it, you landed on it too.