Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came... - FML

By baseball25635 - 1/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

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Season finale

Instadrama

Nice neighborhood

By tannarox - 28/1/2012 15:46 - United States

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

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By collegekidproblems - 30/6/2016 19:35 - United States

Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML

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By FrickingBusDrivers - 22/5/2015 01:55 - United States - Farmington

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

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By Name - 11/7/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

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By 713 - 29/8/2010 01:36 - United States

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

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By reallythough - 13/4/2013 18:07 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

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By scarredforlife - 12/2/2016 09:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

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By wallets - 29/2/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I told a customer that we don't do refunds. He responded by throwing his wallet at my face and accusing me of stealing it. FML

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By grandma - 8/2/2014 15:12 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

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By goodbye cruel world - 1/12/2012 01:28 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

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By poisongrl - 6/9/2011 22:53 - Macedonia

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

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By jgboy - 14/9/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

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By Noname - 6/3/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2014 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

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By craphanded - 19/7/2011 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

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By hobbled - 17/6/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

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By SoSoRachel - 31/10/2012 21:03 - United States - Dunlap

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

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By kfoehslfns - 1/8/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

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By spekledworf - 5/8/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I ordered some food to get delivered. When I opened the bag a fly flew out. FML

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By swollenpenis - 25/1/2013 06:11 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

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By Jon - 7/6/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

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By gj09 - 22/11/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

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By Lickmebaby - 12/2/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

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By mako - 26/5/2017 02:00

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

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By Jaymz - 26/6/2018 15:00

Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2010 14:35 - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

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By oh. - 15/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Proof of love

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

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By KTBeck - 26/5/2020 14:00

Three is the magic number

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

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By Sayahh - 7/1/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 20:00 - Spain - Ripollet

Absolute beginners

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

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By pieceofcake163 - 29/12/2010 08:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 04:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

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By kelly - 21/3/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

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By MollyMo - 21/3/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

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By anonymous - 4/4/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

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Top comments

By sux_2_b_you | 0

#598297 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:19

F your sons life for having a retard like you for a dad.

By OHHgreatttt | 0

#598242 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:07

hahahhaha! did the crowd laugh at you?

COMMENTS

By Syrathia | 0

#598237 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:06

UUUU THATS FUCKED UP

Reply

dcbog123 | 0

#598637 - Friday 2 October 2009 1:29

wtf, you must be some sorta fat ass to crack a windsheild like that. YDI for being fat

Reply

baseball25635 | 0

#598980 - Friday 2 October 2009 5:06

for the record I'm 6'6'' 215 LBS so if you consider that a fat ass then guilty as charged

Reply

Reyo | 2

#599828 - Friday 2 October 2009 19:01

Now let's assume the ball WAS headed right for your windshield, and you managed to dive in front of it just in time...do you think that kind of impact would feel good on the sternum?

Reply

Zamax | 0

#976567 - Thursday 8 April 2010 21:45

GASP! The OP posted a comment on his own FML. That rarely ever happens!

By hbgoddard | 0

#598239 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:06

Dumb ass. You really couldn't tell that your car didn't lie within the trajectory of the ball?

Reply

KillerNomNoms | 0

#2083373 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:16

sorry, we aren't all math geeks like you

By OHHgreatttt | 0

#598242 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:07

hahahhaha! did the crowd laugh at you?

By quirinus | 0

#598252 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:09

YTDI for being fat, a normal weigt person can't crack the windshield

Reply

ndawgg | 5

#598528 - Friday 2 October 2009 0:43

The average adult is about 150 pounds. I'm fairly certain 150 pounds on glass is going to break it.

Reply

zackmx99 | 0

#963553 - Friday 19 March 2010 2:54

first of all yea 150 can still break it and second on average more like 180 for men

Reply

memowgirl | 10

#5802105 - Monday 23 December 2013 5:28

You're kind of an asshat. Grow up and quit judging. You don't even know what this guy looks like

By plexico | 3

#598279 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:15

When it comes to judging flies, you ought to stick to evaluating the insects. You stink at the other.

By Expertfail | 0

#598287 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:17

That.

Well, it's all kinds of bad, isn't it?

By sux_2_b_you | 0

#598297 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:19

F your sons life for having a retard like you for a dad.

Reply

ScaryPants3 | 0

#598305 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:21

Amen.

By flyboy57 | 0

#598300 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:20

smooth!

By So_Yeah | 0

#598360 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:39

>.< wow that sucks, I hope they can fix it cheaply for you. Windscreens can be expensive. Its a pity it wasn't just part of your car you can fix with duct tape... >.> not that I've done that before.

By alsoelp | 0

#598404 - Thursday 1 October 2009 23:52

Depth perception fail.

don't jump on your cars windshield. even if the ball was gunning for it, you landed on it too.