Shut up matt

Here comes the undertaker to bury this one.

Ugh, the heat makes the smell worse! I can't imagine what it must've smelled like!

You guys must be pretty new to your relationship if you have to pretend you don't poop.

Some doors don't have locks.

Some people do not make strong bad smells when they do that.

Not necessarily new. I was still embarressed I'd make a sound over a year into my relationship.

My bathroom door doesn't even close :( you have to hold it with your foot or put the garbage in front of it.

My wife still has an elaborate plan for when she takes her shits so I don't notice them. It's been over 5 years and I have no plans to rock that boat anytime soon.

OP may have had the cold on and not the heat.

Mmn, Beef Stroganoff...

132 I'm paranoid of closing doors because I'm afraid ghosts will come out of the walls or the lights will burn out. You want the doors closed. Wanna switch?

Everyone shits but I still don't like to get hit in the face with hot stank air when my man is releasing the kraken ...

Yeah, that's pretty nasty... D: *gags*

12 - That was probably the best phrase I've ever heard for taking a dump. "Releasing the Kraken" haha I love it. Might steal that phrase haha.

Or the less popular"Nobody Poops But You".

My favorite saying is "dropping a deuce"

80- just kill yourself!!

My favorite is "dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool".

Funniest comment I've read up here!

I still have everybody poops on VHS

Then it wouldn't have been an fml!

20 - except when its the boyfriend looking for some sexy time.

Pretty sure people like that lock the door if they're able to. They turn the handle to double-check if it's locked. Never ever forgot/didn't care to lock the door myself, and I'm pretty anxious about using the toilet around other people as well :)

Bathrooms have locks for a reason.

My bathroom lock is broken. Thank God i live alone.

I don't have a lock on my bathroom door. But then again my bf would walk in anyway cuz his sinuses are so bad he rarely smells anything. I'm just not allowed to walk in on him when he's pooping.

OP said she didn't want her boyfriend to HEAR. It doesn't matter if the door was locked or not; she was just using the shower to drown out the noise.

Some bathrooms don't have locks. You just assume no one will walk in if the door is closed.

Your comment was not what people are for as well.

Neither was yours, so it would seem ^

These are not the droids you're looking for

I thumbed him down on general principle after reading his profile picture. Douche. Oh, and his comment sucked, yadda yadda

Really 138? I know people that do that to their kids. It's fucked up. They care more about getting their damn weed than they do about making sure their kids get real food.

10, looks like Walmart paid you to eat the cakes too.

Wow, really? Does that make you feel better, asshole?

Thanks FML team. :)

Cp

Bc you said first like a d-bag...

Because you said "First!" EVERYONE hates when people say that, so quit complaining! Not you 11

Sorry 11, the mods must have removed the guy I was trying to respond to right as I submitted, so it submitted to you by mistake... Once again, Sorry