Love: Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into... - FML

By GasAttack - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

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Serious times

Commando

Always check for tits

By Josie Stiger

Denied

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

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By No Job - United States - Prairieville

Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML

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By madamefuxalittle - United States - Stratford

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

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By Anonymous - Spain

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

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By seamonkeys - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

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By steph - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By Anonymous

Tricky situation

Today, my roommate in our barracks posted trans hate-speech on Facebook. My choices are to report him and risk ending his military career, confront him and risk him finding out I'm trans, or do nothing and live in fear of him figuring me out. FML

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By B-Rizzle - United States

Today, my grandparents thought it would be acceptable to give me and my wife Christmas presents to take to my ex-wife, along with a card saying how much they missed her and to get in touch with them next time she is in town. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

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By okay._. - United States - Marysville

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By Niniva - 1/3/2021 08:01 - United States - Dahlonega

Scarcity

Today, after several hours, two pharmacies, several bus rides, $20, and many phone calls, I returned home. Guess who still doesn't have a glucose monitor? Yup, I have to go do this all again tomorrow. FML

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By Charity - United States

Slashing Prices Left and Right!

Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML

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By Char-azard - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

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By LoveUGuysToo - 5/8/2020 14:03

Where did everyone go?

Today, I wrote a Facebook post venting about the horrible things I've been going through lately, hoping my friends would console me. I discovered that my English teacher from 30 years ago, the creepy dude who keeps asking me out, and some random chick I don't even know are my only "friends." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

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By LeaveHimAlone - United States - Elkridge

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

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By Anonymous - India

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

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By nerdgirlmickey - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

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By Sorry Not Sorry

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

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By Unlucky - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

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By Missyangel - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

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By Sittinginthecorner - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I got a new roommate. He's from Mongolia. He has had 5 friends over for the last 7 hours, all speaking Mongolian. This is the most awkward party I have ever been to. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Cornwall

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

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By Lucas79 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

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By popcorn - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

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By Keith walk - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

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By catgirl911 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

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By smallpaycheck - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

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By porkythighs - Singapore

Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML

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By Matthew Smith - 21/6/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom

Acrophobia

Today, my new drone got stuck on the neighbour's roof. I'd bought the drone to look at my roof because I don’t like going up on ladders. FML

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By "BunnysKitty" - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

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Top comments

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#546250 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

He threw a fart in your face?.....WHAT?

By shelbtron | 0

#546257 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how...in the world.....do you THROW a fart?!

COMMENTS

By bettyboo_x | 0

#546240 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:04

lol!

Reply

Stunt_fml | 5

#546298 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:16

Fart dust is a smelly thing... funny as hell though.

Reply

MsTs1 | 0

#546383 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:39

your boyfriend's a true badass

Reply

soulwarrior | 0

#547343 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 2:12

Your bf is disgusting

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1039264 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 16:48

at least he didn't shard

Reply

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1313438 - Saturday 28 August 2010 21:12

your bf is pure win

Reply

JustOhSoLovely | 6

#2408374 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 8:41

that's so cute! it means he loves you!!

By turtlellama | 0

#546241 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:04

That's disgusting.

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#546641 - Monday 7 September 2009 22:26

LMAO. No that is HILARIOUS. Go along with it, I bet he's just playin with ya. LOl. ^_^

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5394957 - Wednesday 6 March 2013 10:09

That sucks. My sister likes to throw her farts too and surprisingly, they work. She calls them, "Fart bombs"

Reply

CarbonCoach | 11

#5773175 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:19

I didn't know you can throw farts...

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#546250 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

He threw a fart in your face?.....WHAT?

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#546296 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:16

Maybe he threw something else into her face that comes out of the ass...?

Reply

#546515 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:30

but then it isnt a fart=/

By boba123 | 0

#546251 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

Still your bf?

By Skikkles | 0

#546253 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:06

yummy

By shelbtron | 0

#546257 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how...in the world.....do you THROW a fart?!

Reply

ndawgg | 5

#546327 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

The gas is heavier than air. If you get some in your hand, you can kind of launch it at someone.

Reply

Ret_fml | 0

#546369 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:36

"launch" it at someone, haha. Great description =P

Reply

staystrongholdon | 0

#547994 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 7:51

you just made my life .

Reply

tashi_fml | 0

#548150 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 10:31

thats what i was wondering!!! :

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6439422 - Monday 19 October 2015 21:21

How can you not know that, fart tossing was probably the first weapon ever invented

By Gavik | 0

#546258 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

loltrolled

By stephie_rox | 0

#546261 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how do you throw a fart?

By khatuba | 0

#546263 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:08

wow that succcks

By mister_moops | 0

#546268 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:09

i think she means he just shoved his hand up his own ass and slapped her.

Reply

StingMunFizzy | 0

#547626 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:48

WIN!!!!!!!!!

Reply

overxrated | 0

#549542 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 0:48

hes pro.