Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into... - FML

By GasAttack - 7/9/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

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Messed up

Grow up

Ungrateful

By Welshite - 3/4/2014 20:53 - United States

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2015 17:47 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2013 01:42 - United States - Royersford

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

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By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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By aireeahna - 20/5/2016 06:04 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

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By done - 7/8/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Excuse you?

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML

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By murp - 18/10/2012 16:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

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By serenti - 13/10/2011 21:30 - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

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By Nish - 30/10/2013 00:41 - United States - Kent

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

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By Anne - 14/2/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

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By shay786 - 5/5/2020 17:00

My eyes!

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

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By Tori Pearson - 27/6/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/8/2018 14:30

Today, after my live-in boyfriend decided to take a few days away due to a fight, I found out he's been staying with and sleeping with my aunt. I just lost a relative and a man all in one shot. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 13:42 - Reserved

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

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By Taylor Page - 19/2/2015 16:24 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 09:06 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2016 17:39 - United States - Dearborn

Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML

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By isuckatlyfe - 20/9/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

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By mybfpeedonme - 30/9/2017 16:00

Gross!

Today, a bug crawled inside my ear. In a panic, I called my boyfriend to come over and help me. His mother told him to put pee in my ear to kill the bug so it would just fall out. I ended up in the hospital because the pee made the bug want to claw its way out through my eardrum. FML

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By poordog - 5/1/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

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By ksamp - 12/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

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By Ugly_Broke_Medussssssa - 16/8/2018 01:30

Today, while working at my job in a luxury retail store, a woman left me a business card. It was for a plastic surgeon. FML

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By Nomoreballs - 10/7/2012 23:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to an amusement park with my ex in the hopes of re-kindling our relationship. While taking a break at the petting zoo, I got rammed in the balls by a goat. She laughed and patted the goat. FML

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By storyofmylife - 23/2/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 14:00

Alas, poor Mickey

Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into the water container, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2014 05:17 - United States - Muncy

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

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By coughandcold - 27/3/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 09:23 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

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By me - 15/7/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old adopted daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She had had a nightmare, and I read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

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By wow - 28/11/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

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By veggocake - 26/9/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2020 11:05 - Australia

Unforgettable

Today, it's my birthday, I once again had to remind my best friend of this fact, like I have every year for the past 20 years. FML

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By unsatisfied - 29/11/2010 12:13 - Australia

Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML

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By cookscatastrophy - 8/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

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By Roselyn Cazares - 23/7/2017 19:55

Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML

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By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/8/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2015 22:50 - United States - Howell

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

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Top comments

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#546250 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

He threw a fart in your face?.....WHAT?

By shelbtron | 0

#546257 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how...in the world.....do you THROW a fart?!

COMMENTS

By bettyboo_x | 0

#546240 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:04

lol!

Reply

Stunt_fml | 5

#546298 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:16

Fart dust is a smelly thing... funny as hell though.

Reply

MsTs1 | 0

#546383 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:39

your boyfriend's a true badass

Reply

soulwarrior | 0

#547343 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 2:12

Your bf is disgusting

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1039264 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 16:48

at least he didn't shard

Reply

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1313438 - Saturday 28 August 2010 21:12

your bf is pure win

Reply

JustOhSoLovely | 6

#2408374 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 8:41

that's so cute! it means he loves you!!

By turtlellama | 0

#546241 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:04

That's disgusting.

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#546641 - Monday 7 September 2009 22:26

LMAO. No that is HILARIOUS. Go along with it, I bet he's just playin with ya. LOl. ^_^

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5394957 - Wednesday 6 March 2013 10:09

That sucks. My sister likes to throw her farts too and surprisingly, they work. She calls them, "Fart bombs"

Reply

CarbonCoach | 11

#5773175 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:19

I didn't know you can throw farts...

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#546250 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

He threw a fart in your face?.....WHAT?

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#546296 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:16

Maybe he threw something else into her face that comes out of the ass...?

Reply

jakedmagic | 0

#546515 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:30

but then it isnt a fart=/

By boba123 | 0

#546251 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

Still your bf?

By Skikkles | 0

#546253 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:06

yummy

By shelbtron | 0

#546257 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how...in the world.....do you THROW a fart?!

Reply

ndawgg | 5

#546327 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

The gas is heavier than air. If you get some in your hand, you can kind of launch it at someone.

Reply

Ret_fml | 0

#546369 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:36

"launch" it at someone, haha. Great description =P

Reply

staystrongholdon | 0

#547994 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 7:51

you just made my life .

Reply

tashi_fml | 0

#548150 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 10:31

thats what i was wondering!!! :

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6439422 - Monday 19 October 2015 21:21

How can you not know that, fart tossing was probably the first weapon ever invented

By Gavik | 0

#546258 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

loltrolled

By stephie_rox | 0

#546261 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how do you throw a fart?

By khatuba | 0

#546263 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:08

wow that succcks

By mister_moops | 0

#546268 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:09

i think she means he just shoved his hand up his own ass and slapped her.

Reply

StingMunFizzy | 0

#547626 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:48

WIN!!!!!!!!!

Reply

overxrated | 0

#549542 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 0:48

hes pro.