Love: Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into... - FML

By GasAttack - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

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Out of it

Fashion Police

Kids

By khaelian - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

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By Don'tjudgeabook

Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that he always finished last. FML

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By still single - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

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By synn - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

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By gamergirlfriend - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

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By Boo - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

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By porcelainleigh - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

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By blargh - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

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By Trollface - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out, "I wish you were cuter." FML

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By AGeeksWife - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

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By trackdaddy - United States - San Diego

Today, my dad came to take pictures of me at my track meet. When looking back at the photos, I noticed most of them were zoomed in shots of the girls' butts in their spandex. FML

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By wide awake - 31/7/2020 14:01

Noise

Today, I'm spending the night at my family’s house. I have to share a room with my two kids and their mother. The three of them snore like warthogs in a zoo. Desperate for sleep, I went to go sleep on the couch. The dog sleeping on the rug snores like an old truck. I’m never going to get any sleep. FML

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By Tiffosaur - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

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By

Today, the last parking space outside my work was tiny but I tried to parallel park there in desperation. A school kid saw the whole attempt and sarcastically clapped me as I gave up and drove away. FML

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By Millar - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

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By ThanksDog

Today, after months of planning the perfect night with my brother, who was coming home for 2 weeks from the military, he cancelled because he "missed his dog". FML

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By Yuni - United States

Mom of the year

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

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By Sigh - United Kingdom - Waltham Abbey

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

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By ddll - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

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By yourfault - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

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By FMLimsomad - United States

Today, I looked outside and I saw that my new car had been snowed on. Sadly the snow had frozen onto the car, so I spent the entire day getting it off. I came inside. By 8pm, my car had snow all over it again, and this time I left the window open. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

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By nicrus - Norway

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

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By 1 Giant Cupcake - United States

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

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By ahuman - United States

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

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By ugh, why - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

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By redheadmess - 20/7/2020 02:01

Pay up

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

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By anon - United States - Burleson

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Smooth talkin' dude

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

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By numbnuts - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

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By sad gf

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

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By He Hates Me... - United States - Ogden

Today, I'm in my third week at a new job. Using an online service our company recommends, I accidentally downloaded a virus that is now working its way through our website, randomly sending our customers Viagra ads via our email. I personally had to tell the founder of the company. FML

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Top comments

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#546250 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

He threw a fart in your face?.....WHAT?

By shelbtron | 0

#546257 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how...in the world.....do you THROW a fart?!

COMMENTS

By bettyboo_x | 0

#546240 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:04

lol!

Reply

Stunt_fml | 5

#546298 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:16

Fart dust is a smelly thing... funny as hell though.

Reply

MsTs1 | 0

#546383 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:39

your boyfriend's a true badass

Reply

soulwarrior | 0

#547343 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 2:12

Your bf is disgusting

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1039264 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 16:48

at least he didn't shard

Reply

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1313438 - Saturday 28 August 2010 21:12

your bf is pure win

Reply

JustOhSoLovely | 6

#2408374 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 8:41

that's so cute! it means he loves you!!

By turtlellama | 0

#546241 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:04

That's disgusting.

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#546641 - Monday 7 September 2009 22:26

LMAO. No that is HILARIOUS. Go along with it, I bet he's just playin with ya. LOl. ^_^

Reply

Lasagnaa | 24

#5394957 - Wednesday 6 March 2013 10:09

That sucks. My sister likes to throw her farts too and surprisingly, they work. She calls them, "Fart bombs"

Reply

CarbonCoach | 11

#5773175 - Saturday 30 November 2013 12:19

I didn't know you can throw farts...

By drinkupgorgeous | 0

#546250 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

He threw a fart in your face?.....WHAT?

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#546296 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:16

Maybe he threw something else into her face that comes out of the ass...?

Reply

jakedmagic | 0

#546515 - Monday 7 September 2009 21:30

but then it isnt a fart=/

By boba123 | 0

#546251 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:05

Still your bf?

By Skikkles | 0

#546253 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:06

yummy

By shelbtron | 0

#546257 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how...in the world.....do you THROW a fart?!

Reply

ndawgg | 5

#546327 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:23

The gas is heavier than air. If you get some in your hand, you can kind of launch it at someone.

Reply

Ret_fml | 0

#546369 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:36

"launch" it at someone, haha. Great description =P

Reply

staystrongholdon | 0

#547994 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 7:51

you just made my life .

Reply

tashi_fml | 0

#548150 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 10:31

thats what i was wondering!!! :

Reply

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6439422 - Monday 19 October 2015 21:21

How can you not know that, fart tossing was probably the first weapon ever invented

By Gavik | 0

#546258 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

loltrolled

By stephie_rox | 0

#546261 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:07

how do you throw a fart?

By khatuba | 0

#546263 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:08

wow that succcks

By mister_moops | 0

#546268 - Monday 7 September 2009 20:09

i think she means he just shoved his hand up his own ass and slapped her.

Reply

StingMunFizzy | 0

#547626 - Tuesday 8 September 2009 3:48

WIN!!!!!!!!!

Reply

#549542 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 0:48

hes pro.