Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at... - FML

By Anonymous - 3/8/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

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No one likes a smart-ass

The opposite of a good idea

Yappy neighborhood

By Oopsie - 27/5/2019 20:17

Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML

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By nobody asked you! - 25/3/2019 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

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By Bloop - 14/5/2016 00:58 - United States - Ayer

Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

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By anonymous - 3/7/2011 04:47 - Canada

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbors cat running all over the undry paint. FML

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By RupeeLink - 27/7/2009 23:33 - United Kingdom

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

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By Someone - 22/2/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML

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By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

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By Lonely - 24/11/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

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By Marcella_03 - 5/12/2009 13:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my family and I noticed that our Christmas tree had been stolen from our front garden. Last night, a group of girls from my village posted a status on Facebook stating how drunk they were, and how they had stolen a Christmas tree. I "liked" it. FML

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By Baby Face - 16/1/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

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By laner - 26/7/2019 12:00

The Stinking of Hill House

Today, I found out my ex-husband left the fridge full of rotting meat in the house that I'm selling. I turned off the power to the house in March. Now the whole house stinks, and I had to have the fridge professionally removed and the kitchen cleaned because buyers are coming to look at it tomorrow. FML

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By job hunter - 18/5/2017 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

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By joolsie - 13/4/2012 13:11 - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

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By Fattypatty - 9/7/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2013 19:35 - United States - Calexico

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

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By fired - 9/8/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I am German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, the teacher loudly laughs at the "irony." Something like this happens whenever I tell people my background. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

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By Badnewca - 14/5/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

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By Nathanael Johnson - 30/7/2019 16:00

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 22:54 - Australia

Today, while trying to take my Christmas tree down, I learned that at some point during the last few weeks, it became home to a colony of green ants. I'm now covered in bites and terrified to go anywhere near it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 06:06 - United States

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "white power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2012 23:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

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By Outfoxed - 7/8/2018 22:00

Today, I'm moving to the barn. Two weeks ago I bought my girlfriend the birthday gift she most wanted: two ducklings. They’re scatting everywhere but she eats, cuddles, and sleeps with them in our bed. I asked if they could go live outside and she said, "No, you can." FML

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By badhairday - 4/9/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

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By Nick - 16/3/2009 05:08 - Canada

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

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By Stranded - 17/7/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

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By LukeyBoy - 9/11/2011 10:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

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By Nickolas Neffster - 5/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2015 11:45 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

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By loveade11 - 12/1/2010 19:28 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

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By filipkm - 6/5/2016 14:37 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

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By Noname - 22/1/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2011 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

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By hairynips - 10/10/2012 19:07 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

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By Stephie2009 - 30/10/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

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Top comments

By ktsthrlnd | 3

#3032519 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:07

Why would you do that if you knew the parents were in the house?

By flockz | 19

#3032560 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

having sex with parents in the house is never a good idea.

Comments

By ktsthrlnd | 3

#3032519 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:07

Why would you do that if you knew the parents were in the house?

Reply

dolphincheddar | 10

#3032555 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

Zip your pants back up you weren't naked. And anyone with a brain doesn't try that with other people in the house

Reply

CattyPurry | 0

#3032703 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:18

YDI for trying to pull a "quickie" with other people in the house. you two must be really bad at sex if you didn't think anyone would notice or hear.

Reply

Sniff_N_Tickle | 4

#3032725 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:19

What's wrong with doing it when other people are in the house?? I do that all te time and still haven't got caught. They just had an unlucky break.

Reply

AaronTkr | 0

#3032736 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:20

you freaked and jumped in the closet? not like you got anywhere. you were both fully clothed. takes 2 seconds to zip your pants up.

Reply

worldcupcheer17 | 0

#3032759 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:22

why didn't you jump into the shower instead?

Reply

dolphincheddar | 10

#3032763 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:22

Masturbating doesn't count 27

Reply

R34luver | 5

#3033175 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:11

why dint he just say he wuz using the restroom and that way you could formulate a bettef escape route and still have the quickie

Reply

hatepineapple | 14

#3033643 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:42

@56, I'm 6'1'' and I easily fit in my bathroom closet. Not all closets look the same.

Reply

sarcasticbitch | 7

#3034147 - Thursday 4 August 2011 4:25

There is nothing wrong with doing it while parents are in the house if you have a good excuse. A perfect excuse for the OP would be 'I wanted to go to Narnia' problem solved!

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3034167 - Thursday 4 August 2011 4:30

It’s OK to put us in a three-way
It’s not gay when it’s in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway

Reply

cblt2007 | 0

#3035052 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:04

you should have hid in the closet and when he opened it up jumped out at him and tried to scare him. act like it was ur plan the whole time :D

Reply

Jvr91 | 8

#3035206 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:37

Should have said you were playing hide 'n seek

Reply

kelsey_katie | 17

#3035214 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:39

I'm 6ft, and I don't fit in my bathroom closet! I have a small closet-_-

Reply

celticsfan69 | 0

#3035288 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:53

Haha that's always fun

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3035509 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:40

am i really the odd one out when i say that i havent tried to fit myself into my bathroom closet?

Reply

drzhottie148 | 0

#3035566 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:50

I'm I the only odd one to say I don't have a bathroom closet

Reply

p3t3rrrn | 0

#3035732 - Thursday 4 August 2011 8:39

I don't either! I'm with ya!

Reply

nicklenz | 2

#3035952 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:06

I haven't tried either :D though i don't know if i count because there's a box. But i haven't :D

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3036304 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:50

I don't either I just really didn't want to feel super unnormal

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3036306 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:50

I don't either I just really didn't want to feel super unnormal

Reply

VeroAnne | 11

#3036357 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:57

Why didn't you just say you were using the bathroom and give your girl time to sneak out? But anyways YDI for doing it when your parents are home and awake ontop of that.

Reply

Ugi | 26

#3037368 - Thursday 4 August 2011 14:33

Edit - sorry wrong place. Please ignore me.

Reply

margie2194 | 12

#3037581 - Thursday 4 August 2011 15:52

Threesome? :D you know you want to. It's his STEP father.

Reply

hahopps | 4

#3037911 - Thursday 4 August 2011 16:32

._. I've done it with other ppl in the house and haven't got caught... But u gotta be tricky ;]

Reply

Nemmycakes | 3

#3045603 - Friday 5 August 2011 16:50

Most people wouldn't notice, it's bad luck

Reply

taylornicole97 | 8

#3047230 - Friday 5 August 2011 22:22

Imagine the look on her face when his dad looked in the closet. hahaha'

Reply

rulerofwow | 0

#3069809 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 9:36

-note to self: get better at playing hide and go seek-

Reply

comment11111 | 39

#5685641 - Monday 23 September 2013 7:53

as long as she wasn't naked at that time ;)

By hiyourcute | 0

#3032531 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:08

Surprise!

Reply

genesisnirvana | 11

#3032700 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:18

I would have loved to hear OP's excuse.

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3032745 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:21

Or seen their face!

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3032915 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:37

33 u have a really fitting picture with your comment

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3032943 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:39

*never mind you just changed it. damn.

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3033258 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:20

43, I'm glad you took the time to admire my face.

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3033297 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:29

63 no problemxD
and u changed it back again so everyone knows what im talking about! now i can rule the world, right? right?? *pelted with thumbs down*

Reply

ReptarSwag | 4

#3036074 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:18

OP could have zipped up there pantS and pretended to be looking at something on her boyfriends skin

Reply

jonn090 | 13

#3040937 - Friday 5 August 2011 1:55

I would have continued doing it even if the family walks in

By kiddo42 | 10

#3032534 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:08

That's a funny story, don't worry, they'll eventually forget it.

Reply

getviolated | 5

#3032871 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:30

Also it's his step dad, so he can scream "YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER" and run out crying

By talhakr | 3

#3032546 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

Get a room!

Reply

genesisnirvana | 11

#3032761 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:22

They did.They went into a bathROOM

Reply

greekgal44 | 14

#3033592 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:28

obviously they did..

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3033736 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:58

Sadly, the wrong room!

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3034847 - Thursday 4 August 2011 5:16

Get a better room.

By vballchck | 0

#3032557 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

you should have jumped in the bath tub and pulled the curtain.

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#3035541 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:46

My bath has a glass sliding door, I don't think that would work for me. :3

Reply

itsbritneybixchh | 0

#3036120 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:24

^ then duck down?

By flockz | 19

#3032560 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

having sex with parents in the house is never a good idea.

Reply

tsim_fml | 0

#3033705 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:53

unless your proving a point

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#3035571 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:52

maybe it was their only option?

Reply

akayc32 | 0

#3037628 - Thursday 4 August 2011 15:58

150, if it was their only option maybe they shouldn't be having sex.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#3038455 - Thursday 4 August 2011 18:03

Like you were never horny at 16

Reply

Black_Letter | 19

#3065736 - Monday 8 August 2011 19:49

@7, You should try to reword your comments next time, that could be read two different ways

Reply

THETRAIN | 0

#3126086 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 15:25

Unless it's with the parents

By Laterial | 3

#3032562 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

Just tell him you were playing hide and seek

Reply

Ghostkiller12345 | 9

#3032643 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:14

Naked hide and seek?

Reply

NomNomNomNommm | 4

#3032740 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:20

She wasn't naked. She only said they unzipped their pants.

Reply

Ghostkiller12345 | 9

#3033891 - Thursday 4 August 2011 3:42

right didnt see that 1 thx for correcting me

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3033933 - Thursday 4 August 2011 3:51

It's okay to get creative, though.

By jren207 | 24

#3032565 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

At least he didn't go to put shit in the toilet.

Reply

raydaly | 5

#3032823 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:25

like sum1 put on your face

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3033267 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:22

38, I have no idea what the hell you're on about.

Reply

allstar10 | 6

#3034094 - Thursday 4 August 2011 4:14

Im dying to know what OP's step-father had to say, and especially what OP and his girlfriend had to say! :)

Reply

jacob12311 | 4

#3034333 - Thursday 4 August 2011 5:11

The girlfriend posted this not the boyfriend, it's not her step father it's his, TONTA!!!!!!!!!

Reply

Igor_g5 | 0

#3035092 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:12

OP is a girl. The stepfather is her boyfriends step dad.

By jelleed98 | 0

#3032568 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

why not hide in the shower?

Reply

hiyourcute | 0

#3032615 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:12

Maybe the shower has glass doors... And why would she expect him to go in the closet?

Reply

raydaly | 5

#3032846 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:28

haha I did similar at my gfs I jumped out window :/ it was wrth it :) (1st storey)

By Person1233 | 12

#3032571 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

At least it's not a real dad - only a step-dad.

*awaits flame*