Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at... - FML

By Anonymous - 3/8/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

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Rock, hard place

Never flip flop and drive

Boozehound alert

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 02:02 - United States

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

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By Speedy - 20/7/2010 13:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

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By climber - 21/4/2017 20:00

Today, after climbing 8 flight of stairs due to electricity outage, I got to work only to find the office locked. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2019 14:01

He's a very naughty boy

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

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By Kate - 4/7/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2017 00:00

Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

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By ptwm - 25/1/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 07:54 - South Africa

Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML

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By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

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By aj513 - 29/11/2015 01:20 - United States - New Bedford

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2018 06:00

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2012 22:15 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

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By Spiderchick - 26/9/2019 12:00 - Germany

Hmmmm, breakfast

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 15:34 - United States - Waterville

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

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By hopeless - 6/7/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 13:54 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

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By - 4/4/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 23:23 - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

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By Shibs - 13/10/2015 16:55 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 14:00

I've been… held up

Today, I was finally able to see my gran for the first time since lockdown. She told me off for not visiting sooner. FML

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By irishbubble - 4/6/2013 12:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

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By pathetic - 23/4/2012 22:06 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

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By FoodNeeded - 25/8/2016 02:24 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 20:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

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By notmarryingyou - 10/9/2014 17:16 - United States - Bothell

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

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By WhatsThatSmell - 25/2/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I took a busy train into the city. I was lucky enough to get a seat. People were forced to stand in the aisle in front of me, and the person directly opposite me, whose butt was level with my head farted in my face. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 12:17

Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML

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By BadDad - 30/4/2017 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was summoned to the bathroom by my three-year-old, who still needs help cleaning up sometimes. When I walked in, he looked so happy and proud as he pointed to the trash can saying, "Look at my big poop!". Buying a new trash can tomorrow. FML

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By Crushgonewrong - 22/6/2016 21:42 - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

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By kj1 - 17/2/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

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By nattnatt73 - 10/9/2016 07:07 - United States - Marion

Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

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By driver - 6/1/2010 14:55 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

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By owwwwwe - 9/1/2012 21:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML

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By James - 5/11/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

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By MC Turtledick - 15/2/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

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By Ecce - 10/7/2010 12:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend jumping on my bed exclaiming that he had "won the lottery." He broke the bed. Turns out he only won £15.80. FML

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Top comments

By ktsthrlnd | 3

#3032519 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:07

Why would you do that if you knew the parents were in the house?

By flockz | 19

#3032560 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

having sex with parents in the house is never a good idea.

COMMENTS

By ktsthrlnd | 3

#3032519 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:07

Why would you do that if you knew the parents were in the house?

Reply

dolphincheddar | 10

#3032555 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

Zip your pants back up you weren't naked. And anyone with a brain doesn't try that with other people in the house

Reply

CattyPurry | 0

#3032703 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:18

YDI for trying to pull a "quickie" with other people in the house. you two must be really bad at sex if you didn't think anyone would notice or hear.

Reply

Sniff_N_Tickle | 4

#3032725 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:19

What's wrong with doing it when other people are in the house?? I do that all te time and still haven't got caught. They just had an unlucky break.

Reply

AaronTkr | 0

#3032736 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:20

you freaked and jumped in the closet? not like you got anywhere. you were both fully clothed. takes 2 seconds to zip your pants up.

Reply

worldcupcheer17 | 0

#3032759 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:22

why didn't you jump into the shower instead?

Reply

dolphincheddar | 10

#3032763 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:22

Masturbating doesn't count 27

Reply

R34luver | 5

#3033175 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:11

why dint he just say he wuz using the restroom and that way you could formulate a bettef escape route and still have the quickie

Reply

hatepineapple | 14

#3033643 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:42

@56, I'm 6'1'' and I easily fit in my bathroom closet. Not all closets look the same.

Reply

sarcasticbitch | 7

#3034147 - Thursday 4 August 2011 4:25

There is nothing wrong with doing it while parents are in the house if you have a good excuse. A perfect excuse for the OP would be 'I wanted to go to Narnia' problem solved!

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3034167 - Thursday 4 August 2011 4:30

It’s OK to put us in a three-way
It’s not gay when it’s in a three-way
With a honey in the middle there’s some leeway

Reply

cblt2007 | 0

#3035052 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:04

you should have hid in the closet and when he opened it up jumped out at him and tried to scare him. act like it was ur plan the whole time :D

Reply

Jvr91 | 8

#3035206 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:37

Should have said you were playing hide 'n seek

Reply

kelsey_katie | 17

#3035214 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:39

I'm 6ft, and I don't fit in my bathroom closet! I have a small closet-_-

Reply

celticsfan69 | 0

#3035288 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:53

Haha that's always fun

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3035509 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:40

am i really the odd one out when i say that i havent tried to fit myself into my bathroom closet?

Reply

drzhottie148 | 0

#3035566 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:50

I'm I the only odd one to say I don't have a bathroom closet

Reply

p3t3rrrn | 0

#3035732 - Thursday 4 August 2011 8:39

I don't either! I'm with ya!

Reply

nicklenz | 2

#3035952 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:06

I haven't tried either :D though i don't know if i count because there's a box. But i haven't :D

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3036304 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:50

I don't either I just really didn't want to feel super unnormal

Reply

chuckychan | 8

#3036306 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:50

I don't either I just really didn't want to feel super unnormal

Reply

VeroAnne | 11

#3036357 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:57

Why didn't you just say you were using the bathroom and give your girl time to sneak out? But anyways YDI for doing it when your parents are home and awake ontop of that.

Reply

Ugi | 26

#3037368 - Thursday 4 August 2011 14:33

Edit - sorry wrong place. Please ignore me.

Reply

margie2194 | 12

#3037581 - Thursday 4 August 2011 15:52

Threesome? :D you know you want to. It's his STEP father.

Reply

hahopps | 4

#3037911 - Thursday 4 August 2011 16:32

._. I've done it with other ppl in the house and haven't got caught... But u gotta be tricky ;]

Reply

Nemmycakes | 3

#3045603 - Friday 5 August 2011 16:50

Most people wouldn't notice, it's bad luck

Reply

taylornicole97 | 8

#3047230 - Friday 5 August 2011 22:22

Imagine the look on her face when his dad looked in the closet. hahaha'

Reply

rulerofwow | 0

#3069809 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 9:36

-note to self: get better at playing hide and go seek-

Reply

comment11111 | 39

#5685641 - Monday 23 September 2013 7:53

as long as she wasn't naked at that time ;)

By hiyourcute | 0

#3032531 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:08

Surprise!

Reply

genesisnirvana | 11

#3032700 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:18

I would have loved to hear OP's excuse.

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3032745 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:21

Or seen their face!

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3032915 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:37

33 u have a really fitting picture with your comment

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3032943 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:39

*never mind you just changed it. damn.

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3033258 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:20

43, I'm glad you took the time to admire my face.

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#3033297 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:29

63 no problemxD
and u changed it back again so everyone knows what im talking about! now i can rule the world, right? right?? *pelted with thumbs down*

Reply

ReptarSwag | 4

#3036074 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:18

OP could have zipped up there pantS and pretended to be looking at something on her boyfriends skin

Reply

jonn090 | 13

#3040937 - Friday 5 August 2011 1:55

I would have continued doing it even if the family walks in

By kiddo42 | 10

#3032534 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:08

That's a funny story, don't worry, they'll eventually forget it.

Reply

getviolated | 5

#3032871 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:30

Also it's his step dad, so he can scream "YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER" and run out crying

By talhakr | 3

#3032546 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

Get a room!

Reply

genesisnirvana | 11

#3032761 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:22

They did.They went into a bathROOM

Reply

greekgal44 | 14

#3033592 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:28

obviously they did..

Reply

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3033736 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:58

Sadly, the wrong room!

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3034847 - Thursday 4 August 2011 5:16

Get a better room.

By vballchck | 0

#3032557 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

you should have jumped in the bath tub and pulled the curtain.

Reply

omgcookeys | 15

#3035541 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:46

My bath has a glass sliding door, I don't think that would work for me. :3

Reply

itsbritneybixchh | 0

#3036120 - Thursday 4 August 2011 9:24

^ then duck down?

By flockz | 19

#3032560 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:09

having sex with parents in the house is never a good idea.

Reply

tsim_fml | 0

#3033705 - Thursday 4 August 2011 2:53

unless your proving a point

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#3035571 - Thursday 4 August 2011 7:52

maybe it was their only option?

Reply

akayc32 | 0

#3037628 - Thursday 4 August 2011 15:58

150, if it was their only option maybe they shouldn't be having sex.

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#3038455 - Thursday 4 August 2011 18:03

Like you were never horny at 16

Reply

Black_Letter | 19

#3065736 - Monday 8 August 2011 19:49

@7, You should try to reword your comments next time, that could be read two different ways

Reply

THETRAIN | 0

#3126086 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 15:25

Unless it's with the parents

By Laterial | 3

#3032562 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

Just tell him you were playing hide and seek

Reply

Ghostkiller12345 | 9

#3032643 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:14

Naked hide and seek?

Reply

NomNomNomNommm | 4

#3032740 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:20

She wasn't naked. She only said they unzipped their pants.

Reply

Ghostkiller12345 | 9

#3033891 - Thursday 4 August 2011 3:42

right didnt see that 1 thx for correcting me

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3033933 - Thursday 4 August 2011 3:51

It's okay to get creative, though.

By jren207 | 24

#3032565 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

At least he didn't go to put shit in the toilet.

Reply

raydaly | 5

#3032823 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:25

like sum1 put on your face

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3033267 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:22

38, I have no idea what the hell you're on about.

Reply

allstar10 | 6

#3034094 - Thursday 4 August 2011 4:14

Im dying to know what OP's step-father had to say, and especially what OP and his girlfriend had to say! :)

Reply

jacob12311 | 4

#3034333 - Thursday 4 August 2011 5:11

The girlfriend posted this not the boyfriend, it's not her step father it's his, TONTA!!!!!!!!!

Reply

Igor_g5 | 0

#3035092 - Thursday 4 August 2011 6:12

OP is a girl. The stepfather is her boyfriends step dad.

By jelleed98 | 0

#3032568 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

why not hide in the shower?

Reply

hiyourcute | 0

#3032615 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:12

Maybe the shower has glass doors... And why would she expect him to go in the closet?

Reply

raydaly | 5

#3032846 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:28

haha I did similar at my gfs I jumped out window :/ it was wrth it :) (1st storey)

By Person1233 | 12

#3032571 - Thursday 4 August 2011 0:10

At least it's not a real dad - only a step-dad.

*awaits flame*