Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 56

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 1 027

14/09/2012 14:13

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 3 107

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

29/06/2011 00:51

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 415

You deserved it 14 013

19/08/2015 11:34

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 007

You deserved it 10 516

06/07/2016 18:45

Today, I lost my job to the individual I just finished training. Within 2 hours after being escorted out, my old boss called and yelled at me for doing a lousy job. He was angry that the training was deficient and because the new person is as bad as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 235

You deserved it 1 371

So, it is not immoral ?

By Anonymous - 17/11/2019 01:00

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 811

You deserved it 156

01/06/2019 00:00

Today, I went to the campus health office because I had some VERY strong pains in my side. I thought my appendix was about to burst. I asked the receptionist for a doctor, but she said they were all out of the office until later, and kindly offered to make me an appointment for mid June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 112

Pound for pound

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 14:01

Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 99

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 18:03

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 586

11/06/2013 16:11

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 926

You deserved it 6 830

21/02/2009 23:37

Spicy

Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then punched me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 366

You deserved it 3 368

13/03/2014 22:28

Today, upon being asked to name all the planets, I had to sing along to a Lady Gaga song in my head to remember them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 187

You deserved it 12 503

09/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 461

You deserved it 385

11/08/2010 09:16

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 102

You deserved it 14 935

My new house

By Anonymous - 22/01/2013 08:27

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 364

You deserved it 13 450

09/10/2011 03:53

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 373

You deserved it 6 753

11/08/2014 17:24

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 671

You deserved it 51 248

02/12/2016 05:20

Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for work anymore. He said no and went crazy. HR and the police are now involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 070

You deserved it 726

17/07/2011 04:20

Spicy

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 134

You deserved it 9 283

15/04/2012 04:12

Today, I came out to my parents. They still think I'm joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 5 908

Grumpy git

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 20:01

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I'm not doing real work because I laugh during online meetings. Sorry I'm not miserable all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 64

28/10/2014 03:00

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 035

You deserved it 5 920

26/04/2019 20:00

Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 250

20/08/2018 16:30

Today, a woman pulled out in front me and I couldn't avoid hitting her. When we pulled off on the side of the road to inspect the damage, she backed into me. My car is only a month old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 044

You deserved it 141

Cropped Out

By steph - 15/07/2018 09:00

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 826

You deserved it 257

06/11/2015 14:27

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 247

You deserved it 3 992

08/08/2011 00:02

Spicy

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 6 618

17/01/2010 02:35

Today, I went to start my just bought '79 VW bus. I put my key in but stopped due to the strong gasoline smell. I went to check. Found puddle of gas. The previous owner figured duct taping a cracked tank was the same as fixing it. And didn't bother to share that tidbit with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 264

You deserved it 28 432

Cool

By indi1011 - 20/04/2009 12:21

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out." He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 057

You deserved it 25 464

We're on a break

By col - 04/09/2020 01:56

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 133

01/11/2016 04:08

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 650

You deserved it 1 222

24/12/2013 16:53

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 094

You deserved it 12 235

Phoney sex

By Anonymous - 09/03/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 499

Going well, isn't it

By theproblemboblem - 29/04/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 240

19/10/2011 22:42

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 686

You deserved it 9 968

Dealbreaker

By banarama - 05/02/2021 07:54

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 168

Three years

By sleep deprived - 15/11/2019 20:00

Today, it's been three years since my sister gave me a kitten. Coincidentally, it’s also been three years since I've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 335

11/10/2009 10:54

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 078

You deserved it 2 410

Great solution

By sullry - 25/12/2019 05:00

Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 848

09/12/2016 19:14

Today, I passed out on the way to work. Some lucky passerby took this as an opportunity to help themself to my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 989

You deserved it 767

20/09/2009 20:55

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 807

You deserved it 9 898

16/10/2015 02:38

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 128

You deserved it 4 170

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:01

Oh Grandma, is your Alzheimer's acting up again?

Rddvl 11

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:02

Well at least now you know if you ever mess up in front of her, she'll forget about it within a week!

Comments

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:01

Oh Grandma, is your Alzheimer's acting up again?

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:09

Makeup makes all the difference

Sir_Crackerjacks 5

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:13

I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:37

There's Alzheimer's and then there's racist Alzheimer's.

duke56924903 11

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Friday 14 September 2012 20:55

This is the perfect opportunity to play practical jokes... She obviously deserves it, and Alzheimer's practical jokes all but do themselves.

lilmisslovely13 15

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Friday 14 September 2012 22:15

When i read the first part i thought it was going to be another cheating post.

Alwayspullout 7

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Friday 14 September 2012 22:32

33- no pay taxes, si?

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Friday 14 September 2012 23:45

33 - It isn't the laborers and the farm workers thats the problem. It's the ones that come over illegally, don't do anything and live off of the government giving them money every month that cause the issue.

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Saturday 15 September 2012 8:28

The government doesn't help illegals! Most of them are afraid to get near "the government" because of their status, but I do agree coming here illegally to fuck up ur life, drink, use drugs is a waste!

Rddvl 11

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:02

Well at least now you know if you ever mess up in front of her, she'll forget about it within a week!

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:13

Op: I hate you old lady!! Grandma: Gtfo. Next week.. Grandma: You're so much nicer than that foul mouthed mexican from last week. Op: Thanks ma'am.

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Friday 14 September 2012 21:56

Your dog is freakin' adorable.

Link5794 18

Friday 14 September 2012 22:39

So is yours.

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Saturday 15 September 2012 3:57

Or at least just forget it was you!

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Saturday 15 September 2012 8:54

12 - The thought of an old woman saying "Get the fuck out" in a serious tone made me lol for some odd reason.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:03

She sounds like a treat... Just assume she's bat shit crazy and things will be easier to ignore... Or you can put on your best accent and threaten her when y'all are alone ;)

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:04

Don't worry op, grandma's are usually forgetful like this... Just take it with a grain of salt.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:14

That doesn't excuse her from being racist.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:41

Touché.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:04

OUCH SORRY LOL

walmartpaysme 15

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:07

My grandmother has pick's disease so she goes on rants from time to time. I just have to say "yes ma'am" and remember that she doesn't know what she's talking about. It'll be okay OP

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:08

I didn't know being a bitch was a disease.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:37

I'm sure that what you don't know would fill several books dursl... I mean, #8.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:08

For a second there I thought this was going to be one of those FMLs where the boyfriend is revealed to be a cheater by another relative lol. Cheer up OP, memory isn't a blessing for everyone as we reach that age :P

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:09

Well at least you're looking prettier than last week. That's a silver lining

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:10

Well, at least you're prettier than you were last week.

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:31

A few seconds made all the difference in our comments

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Friday 14 September 2012 21:32

DAMN YOU AND YOUR FAST FINGERS!!!! >:O

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Friday 14 September 2012 19:16

Grandma be trippin'!