Neighbours

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 292

You deserved it 3 034

KEEP IT DOWN

By 5.9Cummins - 11/09/2011 03:18 - Canada

Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 3 426

Leave me alone

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 755

You deserved it 2 829

Introductions

By Mayshod - 03/05/2011 12:04

Today, I met my new neighbors when they backed into my parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 236

You deserved it 2 808

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 411

You deserved it 3 130

Neighbors from hell

By Myself - 06/09/2010 10:45 - United States

Today, after a few months of my neighbor's friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed, "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 516

You deserved it 16 998

Thanks, I hate it

By nakedyogagirl - 03/09/2010 00:16 - United Kingdom

Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 093

You deserved it 39 713

Hi there!

By anon - 26/07/2010 00:07 - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 862

You deserved it 3 540

Nice place to live!

By GrossedOutKary - 19/05/2010 19:20 - Puerto Rico

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 3 418

By Anonymous - 23/02/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 778

You deserved it 2 891

By Brummsta - 27/01/2010 07:41 - Australia

Today, I woke up with a cordless drill on my bed. The one I lent my neighbour last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 983

You deserved it 2 617

Overboard

By sofked - 09/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 819

You deserved it 2 200

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em

By Dumbweed - 28/08/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 258

You deserved it 67 751

Sorry, I…

By signupsheetfail - 12/08/2009 19:02 - Canada

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 882

You deserved it 41 911

By Cowan - 06/08/2009 12:27 - Belgium

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor… who is a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 869

You deserved it 125 428

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Today, after a great night of sexual ecstacy, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year-old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night, he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 407

You deserved it 34 338

Nice place you've got here

By Anonymous - 27/07/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 104

You deserved it 3 978

Mixed messages

By mook - 15/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesn't know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 279

You deserved it 5 696

Defense!

By ruined_suit - 17/04/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 130

You deserved it 7 136

Blinding

By ... - 29/11/2008 11:50 - France

Today, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You Can Leave Your Hat On." When the song was over, I was completely naked. She then said : "Maybe we should've closed the shutters…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 618

You deserved it 12 042

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 490

Today, I ran out of woodworking masks. I can't get a new one because of COVID. The cotton ones don't stop any of the dangerous particles, and now I have a cough. Screw COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 192

Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 369

You deserved it 17 006

Today, my boyfriend came home and demanded dinner. I started suggesting things, but he threw out that we should just fend for ourselves. I made pasta and offered him some, but he decided to throw a fit and go to bed at 6:30pm without dinner. He then woke up at 9 to complain he was hungry, then slept on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 151

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 896

You deserved it 3 905

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 1 765