Miscellaneous: Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 62

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 31

13/07/2014 17:54

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 6 991

This Charming Man

Late term

Age difference

Ghost in the machine

By smdh - 22/10/2012 02:52

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 600

You deserved it 1 774

12/04/2009 04:27

Spicy

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 518

You deserved it 94 593

01/09/2009 01:12

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 664

You deserved it 4 706

Spy vs. Spy

By Bree - 15/08/2012 15:15

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 640

You deserved it 1 717

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43

Spicy

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 218

You deserved it 2 858

23/09/2015 01:06

Today, my brother told me that he needed to borrow a hammer, a chisel, and a drill just in case. I asked him if he was finally getting round to starting work on his apartment. Not at all, he was just going to crack open the coconut he'd just bought at the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 372

You deserved it 2 068

02/09/2013 17:03

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 068

You deserved it 6 387

Been around the world and I, I, I, I can't find my luggage

By 1942ford - 23/07/2013 02:18

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 117

You deserved it 3 808

It's a conspiracy!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 23:00

Today, it turns out calling out my mother's best friend out for the right-wing conspiracy theorist she is wasn't one of my best ideas. Now, my mother won't even reply to my messages. It's been two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 412

25/10/2008 16:55

Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 908

You deserved it 55 031

22/08/2015 10:47

Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 767

You deserved it 2 115

26/01/2015 23:24

Today, I realized why you should never wear a thong under yoga pants that are a couple of sizes too small. It's a weird thing, seeing your co-worker's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 867

You deserved it 3 101

15/05/2012 10:49

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 229

You deserved it 2 024

10/01/2017 14:30

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mother putting up the dishes. I went to stand up from putting a pot in a lower cabinet and hit my head on the upper cabinet she left open by accident. Hello concussion number nine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 697

You deserved it 940

05/02/2016 09:55

Spicy

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 470

You deserved it 8 660

30/01/2017 16:00

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 308

You deserved it 5 625

Good food

By GoulashQueen - 08/12/2019 01:00

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 469

20/10/2010 16:14

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 3 952

02/07/2013 08:01

Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 968

You deserved it 5 844

29/12/2016 23:30

Spicy

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 632

You deserved it 854

02/02/2017 23:00

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 144

You deserved it 2 047

07/06/2017 20:00

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 252

04/07/2018 15:00

Today, I took a long distance train across country. Early on I had an urgent need to use the bathroom. As I went to flush away the nasty, the preflush water violently projected my diarrhoea onto my pants before clearing the rest down the gurgler. I have 8 hours left on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 339

It's not called a pandemic for nothing

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 13:59

Today, I found out that no matter how careful you are during this pandemic, wearing a mask, washing hands, and social distancing, you can still get COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 217

Nice guy self-reporting

By Gamaliel - 27/06/2021 22:01

Today, I saw the girl I've had a crush on since forever go on another Facebook rant talking about, “All men are the same!” She does this every time she gets her heart broken by some jerk. I’ve been trying to get with her for about 6 years, and she’s yet to give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 1 599

04/11/2009 10:12

Today, my roommate decided to fry some bacon. After finishing, he thought it would be easy to clean up if he just tossed the panful of grease out the second story window. Guess where I was standing at the time? FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 059

You deserved it 2 529

15/12/2011 15:49

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 003

You deserved it 38 343

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By fml9124 - 28/07/2020 20:00

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 676

You deserved it 183

26/04/2016 08:00

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 536

You deserved it 1 767

29/07/2016 03:10

Spicy

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 938

You deserved it 2 273

28/04/2019 02:00

Today, I offered to stay late at my delivery job because it was snowing and several people called out. An hour later I got rear ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 420

04/12/2011 23:52

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 023

You deserved it 3 418

19/08/2012 05:30

Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 703

You deserved it 5 916

03/03/2009 18:29

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 876

You deserved it 31 077

16/11/2009 07:32

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 607

You deserved it 40 086

04/03/2016 14:01

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 977

You deserved it 1 654

BFF for life

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 20:30

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 119

The cupcake incident

By kandi - 04/05/2009 07:34

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I rested on the glass protecting the cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 417

You deserved it 79 705

15/01/2016 16:25

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 279

You deserved it 1 544

05/06/2012 07:27

Today, while I was on stage dancing for a competition dress rehearsal, my top fell off, exposing my breasts. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately no one said anything about it. That is until a kid in the audience came up to me and said, "That was a disappointment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 110

You deserved it 3 035

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:50

What song were you singing?

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:53

I don't sing in the shower.... I preform

Comments

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:50

What song were you singing?

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:24

The Pokémon rap or maybe the Skyrim theme song, that chant is hard to get after all.

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:46

Darude-Sandstorm

ColonelCusswords 24

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:48

Kansas-Carry on Wayward Son

Indianboy9321 25

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:55

Singing in the Shower- Becky G

mz135 12

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Monday 14 July 2014 2:53

Why do they need to complain if you are "bad"? Why can't they just say you are being too loud? They seem kinda harsh :-/

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Monday 14 July 2014 3:05

I have the same pic as someone in the replys

_parth 20

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Monday 14 July 2014 4:23

Call me maybe?

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Monday 14 July 2014 4:46

Call Me Maybe.

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Monday 14 July 2014 5:13

#25 and #34 are twins!

ColonelCusswords 24

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Monday 14 July 2014 6:16

@34 we are now brothers

sometimessam 16

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Monday 14 July 2014 16:44

brothers from different mothers

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Monday 14 July 2014 18:48

Krusty Krab pizza is the pizza for you and me!!

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:51

They're just haters, OP. #staystrong #believe Or maybe your singing was that atrocious

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:55

You failed to detect my sarcasm, 7

pwnman 33

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:05

How does sarcasm go with your comment? ...Also, you're not funny.

ColonelCusswords 24

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Monday 14 July 2014 2:22

Nice ass

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Monday 14 July 2014 2:38

excuse me, they're not "hastags" its a pound symbol. whoever coined that term is an idiot. never have i heard an operator say "if you would like to delete your voicemail, please press the hashtag and try again"

whatz_going_on 24

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Monday 14 July 2014 2:56

@30 oh wow thanks for letting us know! I must have been crazy to think that a symbol could be referred to as something different based on context, almost as if words can develop more meanings over time, but you've enlightened me! Quickly! Spread your knowledge to the twitter userbase so that nobody misuses it again! *poundsign*sarcasm

shay_serendipity 29

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Monday 14 July 2014 3:20

#10, I don't think anyone detected your sarcasm. I am doubting that the sarcasm was ever present in that comment.

PenguinBitch 43

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Monday 14 July 2014 3:54

@30, I call them "Tic-tac-toe arenas".

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Monday 14 July 2014 4:40

Octothorpe

feven 32

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Monday 14 July 2014 4:50

@30 You must be living a very confused life in the media world.

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Monday 14 July 2014 5:16

#30, a "hashtag" is when you use the pound key to tag a word to a certain topic. It's not the symbol alone, its the symbol and the word paired together. It's in the context too.

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Monday 14 July 2014 9:53

#30 hashtag is european i've also heard, whereas the north americas tend to call it pound. so you're not even right.

flashback.miss 28

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:52

at least your mom was defending you!

DiamondGirlj 18

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:00

Hopefully.

TriggerFinger7 10

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Monday 14 July 2014 2:04

Hard to tell. OP's mother could have agreed, but was just upset that it came from someone else.

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:53

Just make sure the window is closed next time

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:53

I don't sing in the shower.... I preform

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:15

I prefer to postform.

ColonelCusswords 24

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:42

Where can I buy tickets?

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Monday 14 July 2014 2:40

the best place I've found so far is creepalert.com. they give the best deals for the cheapest prices^^

False_Stupidity 41

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Monday 14 July 2014 3:20

What do you pre-form in the shower?

strawberrywine22 27

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:53

Aw OP, don't listen to them :) whether you're a good singer of not, don't meet them bring you down. If you like to sing in the shower, then sing your heart out!! Just, maybe...close the window :P

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:54

Sounds like your mom was defending you, which is very sweet of her

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Monday 14 July 2014 5:19

The mother didn't have to be defending her. She could've just been annoyed that a neighbor came to her door to complain about something so petty.

AloysiusWeasley 15

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Tuesday 15 July 2014 1:18

^ this. Who in their right mind goes over and complains about something like that? It's not like it's going to go on for very long.

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:55

make a joyful noise, never said it had to be pretty. do what makes you happy!

HeadlessSparrow 20

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Monday 14 July 2014 0:55

When Christmas comes around, sing Christmas songs in their front yard!

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Monday 14 July 2014 1:00

Ah tell them to piss off.To be angry about that.....weird people.