Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors...

By tired individual - 12/1/2014 11:04 - United States - Dickson

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Mind your own beeswax

All for nothing

By melonhead - 14/1/2010 08:46 - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

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By Colbasaur - 24/6/2010 14:29 - United States

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 16:35 - United States

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

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By WeighYourWords - 3/5/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

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By marlow - 15/1/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

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By Maria - 14/3/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML

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By samadams42 - 13/5/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

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By lance - 12/3/2010 12:10 - Canada

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2016 21:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

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By Desertdryspell - 20/12/2018 14:00

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

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By presente13 - 17/5/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

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By grantsidiots - 27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 17:00

Call CPS!

Today, I discovered via my webcam that my brother believes in teaching babies to self-soothe, which in practice means ignoring my baby until she stops crying, only changing the nappy once in the 7 hours I was at work, and forgetting to feed her at all because he’s too busy watching Netflix. FML

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By yayibs - 4/12/2015 03:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

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By whaleninjapoop - 6/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

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By Adulting - 31/10/2017 21:24

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

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By DatAss - 15/1/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

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By Ugh - 15/11/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

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By k - 9/6/2012 21:35 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

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By RowanBlossom - 7/7/2020 05:01

The lifescript

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

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By nkotz - 14/1/2013 18:34 - United States

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

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By assumed - 1/3/2011 16:47

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

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By fml - 4/1/2010 03:50 - Canada

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slip. FML

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By nerd - 3/3/2009 03:20 - United States

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

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By UncleMonkey - 6/3/2015 06:18 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2012 05:22 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

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By Gomer - 11/4/2014 14:51 - United States - New York

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

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By Username - 13/9/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

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By Cashier - 9/3/2011 05:36 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

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By never-even-owned-a-car - 30/8/2020 17:02

Broke

Today, it's the tenth anniversary of me getting my driver's license. My record is perfect: no accidents, no tickets. Today is also the tenth anniversary of the last time I drove a car. FML

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By goldenpuppy - 19/5/2016 20:54 - United States - Somerville

Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML

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By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - 18/10/2013 22:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

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By sad - 5/5/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

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By youcould'vejusttoldme - 11/5/2017 21:00 - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

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By roxyriley - 7/12/2009 09:30 - United States

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

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Top comments

By ojjasper123 | 9

#5825360 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:26

Are you hating on spongebob?

By BasketGhost | 17

#5825366 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:28

Are ya feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?

COMMENTS

By Despereaux | 15

#5825359 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:26

Oh, I'm sorry OP. Have you tried explaining to them that they're being too loud and that you need to sleep?

HowAreYouToday | 34

#5825381 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:33

op could try headphones or something

Weird_situations | 13

#5825393 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:46

Yeah, or reporting them?

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5825453 - Sunday 12 January 2014 20:45

What are the chances... I've been stuck listening to that same tune on loop (unless sponge bob has many tunes) for possibly hours... I feel for you OP, it drove me nuts.

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5825560 - Sunday 12 January 2014 23:39

Op did you try telling them to turn it to wumbo

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5825723 - Monday 13 January 2014 3:17

At least it was two cats going back and forth also, unlike the other FML on here...

By ojjasper123 | 9

#5825360 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:26

Are you hating on spongebob?

TheCrispyCat | 20

#5825406 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:55

Spongebob can get extremely annoying.

moonsalt | 20

#5825409 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:57

Especially when most of us turn out to be Squidward.

Ziggy122 | 15

#5825474 - Sunday 12 January 2014 21:04

Old Spongebob was great. Post-movie Spongebob is annoying as fuck.

pinkster2014 | 25

#5826095 - Monday 13 January 2014 14:46

Yeah, I miss old spongebob

By girlrome | 19

#5825361 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:27

Couldn't they hear it? Or did they sit down to watch spongebob after the fighting? :D

RedPillSucks | 31

#5825505 - Sunday 12 January 2014 21:49

Sponge bob is to cover up the sexy time noises.

Ins0mau | 20

#5825591 - Monday 13 January 2014 1:08

It's certainly a favourite love making soundtrack.

By chevygirl23 | 17

#5825362 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:27

Oh God I couldn't handle that. Couldn't you just knock on the door and politely ask them to turn it down?

Sammeydw | 22

#5825652 - Monday 13 January 2014 1:41

At least it wasn't Barney..

By TheMDragon | 7

#5825363 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:27

If you live in an apartment building just report them. If you confront them it will probably lead to more problems.

By worldclassrager | 39

#5825365 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:27

Ear plugs for the win...

By BasketGhost | 17

#5825366 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:28

Are ya feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?

Pleonasm | 34

#5825382 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:34

They SOILED IT...SOILED IT...SOILED IT

By Trin_Tran | 26

#5825367 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:28

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU" doesn't work so much this time .

davidpropert | 32

#5825390 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:43

Aye aye captain!

rich443 | 22

#5825436 - Sunday 12 January 2014 20:18

ohhhhhhhh who lives in a pineapple under the sea

masterof1 | 7

#5825469 - Sunday 12 January 2014 21:01

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTIES

Chris93Jones | 20

#5825530 - Sunday 12 January 2014 22:38

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

skyttlz | 32

#5825963 - Monday 13 January 2014 9:19

Nautical nonsense be somethin you wish

pinkster2014 | 25

#5826113 - Monday 13 January 2014 15:11

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS :D

By brainymes | 30

#5825368 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:28

Betcha know for sure who lives in a pineapple under the sea now.

By klorehore | 24

#5825369 - Sunday 12 January 2014 19:30

I assume you tried communicating with them somehow to make them tune down, if not I'd call the cops on those d-bags. I do not tolerate my sleep getting messed with.