By Vampprobs - 25/03/2014 01:52 - United States - Skandia

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks 42 146
You deserved it 3 222

Same thing different taste

Top comments

bigtaytay 13

Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him

Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.


bigtaytay 13

Tell him if he keeps it up your parents will eat him

Mess with his head even more and tell him the garlic was delicious and that you are immune haha ^__^

Better yet tell him that you ate the garlic with some crosses and you're "out of*pause*MEAT for when my parents come"

jazzy_123 20

I don't think even a vampire could eat a cross...

Tell your neighbour that there will be a family reunion at your place, and ancient and powerful vampiric lords and ladies will be in attendance. Get some complicit friends to show up in appropriate attire and tell your parents you are having a little dress up party-prepare costumes for them upon arrival. Make sure that when everyone leaves you all hover about your neighbour's place. Maybe he'll leave you alone afterward.

Act the part! Put on some fangs and a cape. You could have so much fun with your neighbor.

DrownedMyFish 18

Yes, it's all fun and games until you wake up one night and he standing over you with a wooden stake in his hand.

Not only will it be funny but if you're lucky enough he'll go crazy and will have to enter a mental hospital ! Two birds, one stone !

Pretty sure that he's already there, 23.

Knock on his door at midnight and ask to come in and talk about it

I love this idea. But wear all black with lots of sparkle makeup on and be very quiet and serious. Make very little eye contact.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

No, #46, Edward Cullen is a fairy. Not a true creature of the night. :P

Vampire's would only be "vegetarians" if they needed too

Since those Twilight books came out. Real vampires don't sparkle in the sun. They may drink that synthetic blood stuff, though.

Interview with a Vampire had a "vegetarian" vampire. some people like Twilight, some people dont. Some like True Blood, some people dont. Let people like what they like.

Indeed, accept their beliefs, and calmly move them to a clinic for badtastitis sufferers

callmeave 10

Eat the cloves in front of him so he knows you're one invincible ass vampire.

Exactly! There's so much vampire lore, there are probably a dozen ways you can prove you're either not a vampire, or a vampire the likes of which he never imagined! Either way, it's an interesting visit for your parents!

Yup. Just a stake through the chest and OP will be just fine

Just get some sparkles and spread on your body and voila your bella

Next time your neighbor is outside you should walk outside then scream and crumple to the ground as if the sunlight has burned you.

Hmm.. Seems a bit odd that the police would still be taking his call after a 7th report of "vampirism". I certainly wouldn't if I was the dispatcher. The police would probably help you settle things down with your neighbor if you asked them (or, arrest him on harassment charges if he doesn't cooperate), they're probably just as annoyed as you are.

They have to take all calls, even if the person has a tendency of the crazies. They can't risk it being a real emergency.

Considering there are people out there that drink blood and do act as if they're vampires it could be a true concern but I agree if it's been more than two or three times they should stop

They may have to take the calls, but false 911 calls are crimes, unless I'm mistaken. After multiple false reports he should have been charged with misuse of 911. I know the guy who called 911 asking for burgers and weed 34 times in a row got arrested for it. I think the guy who repeatedly called 911 for phone sex did too. (I follow some effed up news stories.)

The police haven't told him to stop? It seems like a waste of their resources to me. I guess if it really irks you, you could take out a restraining order, at least your neighbor will have to stay away from you and you have plenty of proof from the police. Edit: drat! 6 beat me to it.

I think a restraining order would be a good idea, else I for see him one day trying to poke you with a stake. :/ I fear he could end up dangerous considering his obsession!

Your neighbor needs the cops called on them, pretty sure thats harassment.....

As long as this distracts him from knowing you're actually a murderous werewolf.

I wouldn't care if you were a vampire as long as you both leave me be and not be glittering in daylight. Do those two things and you'd be an OK vampire.