Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me, and when I asked why we never hung out, he told me that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML
Ieri tells us more.
Ieri 31
Hey OP here o/ Lots of these comments cracked me up, you guys are awesome xD So here's the follow up: In the end someone who saw what happened grabbed the guy and we could get the phone back (Yes, an iPhone) but he ran away, though it doesn't matter anymore. In response to the comments: 1.I didn't expect him to run after the thug just because he's male, I understand why he'd freeze up, I just didn't expect he'd start crying without saying a word and it was kinda embarrassing. 2.Yeah probably going after him wouldn't have been the safest thing to do, but caught in the spur of the moment that was all I thought to do. And calling the police wouldn't help where I am, they're practically useless -.- Calling for a robbed phone would do nothing. 3.I'm not breaking up with him just because of that, I love him, things happen, I'm not that shallow. Thanks for your comments anyway xD
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I really needed to be cheered up a bit after having had a horrible, depressing weekend. Luckily the guy I've been dating for some time, and who I really like, invited me over for dinner. Apparently, he wanted to see me so he could tell me he thinks we should stop seeing each other. FML
doemetoch tells us more.
doemetoch 28
OP here (yeah, I decided to make an account.) You're all right about him being very polite and all that, he was super sweet and mature about it and I could see he felt genuinely bad. But you know... somehow it's easier if a guy breaks up in a stupid way, at least then you're like "ugh, whatever, I deserve better than this anyway!" Or is that just me?
Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML
Today, my dad had a chat with my fiancé, telling him he can do better than me, and to think carefully before going through with our wedding. FML
Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML
wiona tells us more.
wiona 2
OP here. I couldn't figure out how to respond without making an account, so I made one in order to reply to a couple of people. First, thanks to all the people who expressed concern. To the people who said YDI, I say screw you, because I did nothing to provoke this asshole. Yeah, I'm underage. I don't look underage, but I definitely am, braces and everything. My mom's boyfriend is yet another guy who's a worthless piece of shit, she has no taste when it comes to men. I talked to her about him after he left and she rolled her eyes and said it was "a joke". Which apparently I didn't get, because I'm "uptight". Moving in with my dad isn't an option, he's on the other side of the country and really can't handle having another person living with him right now. I do miss him, but frankly he's not a whole lot of help, my parents hate each other and while my father means well he's more irresponsible than my mom. I'm hoping my mother will ditch this guy once she gets bored with him, like she has all the other times. This type of boyfriend is nothing new, this is just the first time one of them has gotten somewhat physical with me. Yes, it creeped me out, yes, he's a disgusting human being, and yes, I have a lock on my bedroom door. This is not the first time I've locked myself in my room when my mom has brought home a guy. It's happened before, and will likely keep happening until I move out. Thanks again to the people who expressed sympathy and concern. Just thought you guys ought to have a bit of context.
Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML
Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me sit in his kitchen while he Skyped his mother because he doesn't "feel ready" to tell her he has a girlfriend. He's 23, lives on a different continent and has been dating me for over 6 months. FML
haztod tells us more.
haztod 19
Hi, OP here - I'm super surprised this got posted! Just to clear some things up: my boyfriend is American and studying here in the UK. I have met his sister and we get along super well, but not anyone else in his family, nor do they know he's dating someone. From what I understand, his parents - especially his dad - aren't really big on relationships, especially when studying, as they can be seen as a distraction. I know for a fact that it was his mom as they usually do voice calls and I sit quietly, but she wanted a video chat so I shifted rooms on this occasion; there's definitely not another girl in the picture! I spoke to him about it after the call and explained that it upset me a little and made me feel like he had to hide me, and he was very apologetic and felt guilty - he told me this was his first serious relationship and he wasn't really sure what the right steps were in terms of parents or when they should happen which I actually found quite sweet. This is definitely not a deal breaker - he is so wonderful I wouldn't let something like this ruin our relationship! He just Skyped his mom again tonight and told her the news, so it's no longer an issue. He has met all my family and they adore him, so no issues there!
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML
Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some Midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating dumped me after she found out I'm originally from Alabama. Apparently she doesn't want to date someone from a "foreign country". We both live in Michigan. FML
Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML
Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML
Bishy123 tells us more.
Bishy123 8
I was not aware he was cheating on me until I read the text. He is no longer my boyfriend.
Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML
Gibsonsgfreak21 tells us more.
Hey everyone! I'm the OP! Didn't think my post would be this popular! I don't have an accent- I'm from SoCal, but I was in a crowded class so it was hard to hear, so she just repeated what she thought I said. I've been talking to her for a while, but I asked her if she was artistic because we were really bored in a 3 hour class, so drawing would've been a fun distraction (although I can't draw to save my life). When I told the story to a couple friends, they thought I said 'autistic' instead or 'artistic' as well, so I guess she wasn't the only one. Also- I've done a lot of work helping children with autism. I've never say 'autistic' because i believe in ability before disability (ie. Saying, "A boy with autism" is better to say than "an autistic boy"). I explained what I meant to say and she laughed, so the FML isn't THAT bad. :)
Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML
Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML
Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML
Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML
Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML
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