Love: Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom....

By Anonymous - 06/04/2014 21:07 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 816

You deserved it 13 874

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Same thing different taste

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 2 947

Maybe he's into that...

By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 3 530

Maturity level

By Clairebear - 07/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 788

Caught

By EllaElle - 04/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 3 443

By thissinglelife - 06/09/2013 06:42 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 321

You deserved it 3 129

By OhNo - 22/01/2016 21:28 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 563

You deserved it 3 563

By Brian B - 13/09/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 975

You deserved it 25 455

Run, run away

By but i make different stiffies - 05/01/2013 00:33 - United States - Parker

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 805

You deserved it 2 748

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 871

Self report

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 09:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a blind date set up by a friend. Everything was going great until I accidentally called my date by my ex’s name. Twice. My date promptly excused herself to the restroom and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 743

Liyuesigs 8

Monday 7 April 2014 1:31

Everyone who is irrelevant except her. Go chase after her and offer to pay her back. You might still get a second date.

XxXBadAshXxX 27

Monday 7 April 2014 1:31

Aw man! Sad day. I'm sure you can explain what happened and she'll forgive you.

Comments

Liyuesigs 8

Monday 7 April 2014 1:31

Everyone who is irrelevant except her. Go chase after her and offer to pay her back. You might still get a second date.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Monday 7 April 2014 1:36

Be honest too when explaining what went down in the toilet.

lexi365 20

Monday 7 April 2014 1:44

And buy her chocolate. Couldn't hurt.

Madster15 14

Monday 7 April 2014 3:46

Woah, #18, not on the second date.

ChevyRedneck85 13

Monday 7 April 2014 3:55

Been taking notes from the big bang theory have ya?

rocker_chick23 27

Monday 7 April 2014 5:14

Sorry #18, not everyone is a wh*re like you claim to be on other comments. The majority of men and women want to remain STD free and only get intimate after knowing each other for a while.

Marley_000 14

Monday 7 April 2014 7:50

Who the hell falls asleep on the toilet while on a date though? Who falls asleep on the toilet, period. Good luck trying to explain that one.

laden_swallow09 34

Monday 7 April 2014 8:12

Did you even read the FML, 63?

Wakachulak 22

Monday 7 April 2014 10:56

Yeah, the "I fell asleep on the crapper" line is a shoe-in second date. OP, just check this into the loss column and move on. On the bright side, you got published on FML! Congrats!

alexnoyle 12

Monday 7 April 2014 18:27

Hahahaha

D_Zan 2

Saturday 12 April 2014 13:02

Yeah, no matter what you owe her an explanation. Even if it was an accident, it's really rude and mean. It doesn't matter too much if she believes you and it's fine if she doesn't. It's not something to get agree about(and no one has a right to be agree with her if she doesn't forgive or believe or anything). Hopefully your intent will come across in your tone.

mrcook9 5

Saturday 10 May 2014 14:11

I have...

XxXBadAshXxX 27

Monday 7 April 2014 1:31

Aw man! Sad day. I'm sure you can explain what happened and she'll forgive you.

LeFrogDog 27

Monday 7 April 2014 3:50

baby come back...you can blame it all on me...

Nymeria_fml 25

Monday 7 April 2014 4:06

... I was wrong, and I just can't live without you...

Credibleskills 28

Monday 7 April 2014 6:13

hopefully

snapper89768 7

Monday 7 April 2014 1:33

How long were you sleeping?

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Monday 7 April 2014 1:38

Sleeping.. like a log.

Rallred32 20

Monday 7 April 2014 3:34

Yep, there's no escape out of that nickname.

MRP360 14

Monday 7 April 2014 5:07

a brown log at that

DracoSpirita 21

Monday 7 April 2014 11:50

It's lo-og, it's lo-og! It's big, it's heavy, it's wood! It's lo-og, it's lo-og! It's better than bad, it's good!

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Monday 7 April 2014 16:19

54, are you familiar with the concept of puns?

laureri 26

Monday 7 April 2014 19:03

Why are you getting down voted for Ren and Stimpy? Love the log song!! What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs, and over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, And fits on your back? It's log, log, log

blueboy154 12

Monday 7 April 2014 1:33

Just explain it to her. Good luck

martin8337 35

Monday 7 April 2014 1:34

Maybe she'll give you another chance.

Welshite 39

Monday 7 April 2014 1:34

Everyone knows the "window escape" is antiquated and rarely works anymore. The /real/ escape artists shimmy through the sewer pipes. It's usually flawless.

wastedpenguin 14

Monday 7 April 2014 2:01

"Usually"

Welshite 39

Monday 7 April 2014 2:05

Well there are some risks associated with this particular escape: drowning, cuts, infection, getting stuck, and getting lost in the maze of pipes. The worst part about the "sewer escape" is the dry-cleaning you'll need. Ugh.