Love: Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives...

By someone - 01/04/2014 19:21 - United States - Point Pleasant

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 509

You deserved it 12 614

Love

Weird reason to leave, but OK

The receipts, the tea

Stay safe, everyone

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 05:00

Today, my 92-year-old great-grandfather ran down the stairs in excitement, despite his severe arthritis. He told my great-grandmother that he was having the first erection in over 10 years, and grandma ordered me to leave so they could do it right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 624

You deserved it 743

By EFFFF - 08/10/2011 22:10 - United States

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 670

You deserved it 7 342

Mom of the year

By lana - 28/09/2021 21:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was feeling suicidal and needed to talk to someone about it, so I called up the only person in the world who cares about me: my mom. Or so I thought. Her immediate response was, “You should go ahead and end it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 17/07/2016 17:31

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 232

You deserved it 1 006

By honey soy - 29/01/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 3 498

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 088

You deserved it 3 758

By Anonymous - 18/02/2019 18:00

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters' deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples' deaths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 926

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 250

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 819

You deserved it 18 601

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 584

You deserved it 9 073

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 2 093

By Anonymous - 18/03/2011 16:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 648

You deserved it 71 551

By nobodyreadsmyemails - 27/10/2009 22:24 - Canada

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 915

You deserved it 44 010

Non refundable

By honeymooner - 28/03/2012 10:47 - South Africa - Braamfontein

Today, I received a coupon for a special offer including flights and accommodation for the honeymoon destination that my fiancé and I are keen on. Yesterday, I paid the full price for the flight tickets and hotel deposit for the honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 2 614

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 11:56 - United States - Newburyport

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 852

You deserved it 1 873

By HopelessGRLF - 16/12/2016 19:30

Today, I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site, and he asked if we could meet up and what we should do. When I suggested ice-skating he told me he was in a wheelchair, so I said we could go for a walk instead. I realised my mistake the moment I sent the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 053

You deserved it 2 140

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 970

You deserved it 1 026

By KatieB - 04/04/2012 21:11 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 477

You deserved it 7 298

Words are hard

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 18:50 - United States - Temperance

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 790

You deserved it 3 459

By wasted_gas - 05/10/2013 16:00 - United States - Cumming

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 739

You deserved it 26 970

By fucking fratricidal - 13/10/2012 22:25 - Canada - Bedford

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 426

You deserved it 1 948

Kids are hard work

By Gemma - 07/02/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my boyfriend is only nice to my son to make me happy. Turns out he hates children and will only do the minimum interaction with my 4-year-old son he can get away with, until he can fabricate an excuse to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 375

By Savannah - 15/06/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 953

You deserved it 54 996

Mama's boy

By vacay no way - 14/07/2021 06:01

Today, I was asking my husband to help me finalize plans for our upcoming vacation. He, however, would rather pout and sulk because I don’t want him to bring his mom along. She’s been with us on our last few trips and it’s hard to get any alone time. I’m considering just going alone at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 145

By Gem - 05/04/2013 11:04 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 068

You deserved it 3 793

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 82

By Sapphirlinda - 03/07/2010 23:25 - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 750

You deserved it 3 259

By link - 26/05/2018 18:30 - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 560

You deserved it 4 357

By Anonymous - 19/10/2013 05:34 - United States - Escondido

Today, my boyfriend sent me a nude picture. I would have been fine with it if he hadn't taken it in his ex-girlfriend's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 265

You deserved it 4 740

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 512

You deserved it 673

Speed racer

By ZThirteen - 25/10/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 119

You deserved it 28 686

By dumbucksally - 31/08/2018 06:00

Today, my 30-year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 709

You deserved it 220

Smooth talkin' dude

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 01:48 - Canada

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 811

You deserved it 5 864

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 18:30

Today, while waiting for my interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 1 310

By cay - 30/01/2013 19:59 - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 239

You deserved it 3 235

By Anonymous - 18/04/2018 11:00 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 285

You deserved it 973

By JobHunter - 28/07/2009 12:27 - Malta

Today, on my way to work I stopped at a winery and spent around $120 on 2 bottles of wine for my boss, since it was his birthday. When I gave him the gift, in exchange he let me know I am being laid off - his consolation was "if you can afford this wine I'm sure you'll be OK". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 115

You deserved it 4 277

By SweetStuff88 - 15/11/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 9 610

By other woman - 21/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 478

You deserved it 5 338

By noname - 20/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 255

You deserved it 8 255

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Top comments

expectcriticism 13

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:26

if you have to go to such drastic measures then maybe you shouldn't be with him.

J215B 33

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:28

Perhaps you should just break up with him rather than do him bodily harm... Just a suggestion.

expectcriticism 13

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:26

if you have to go to such drastic measures then maybe you shouldn't be with him.

R3TROxLOV3 32

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:45

He may be the type of guy who's so clingy, that he doesn't accept any attempt to breakup with him. I had an ex who refused to accept it. Even after I got a new boyfriend, he went and told anybody who would listen that we were still together, and that my new bf was the guy I was cheating on him with. Some people are crazy.

JMichael 25

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 3:13

Don't let her lie to you guys. We are still together and madly in love. She'll realize it someday.

R3TROxLOV3 32

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 3:44

#18, I wish he was that calm about it :P it only got resolved after breaking and entering, and a chat with the school administration, a police officer, and our parents.

JMichael 25

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 4:13

He sounds like the crazy ex stalker type o.o. Damn I feel for you. Had to deal with that once. It got resolved when I threatened to get the police involved.

R3TROxLOV3 32

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 5:45

He is. He still continued to call my house and leave letters in my locker until we graduated, but I ignored it. As long as he didn't actually come near me, I didn't really care. I have this amazing talent for finding really unhinged guys. I hate to admit it, but I'm totally that girl that's like "Oh you're emotionally damaged and you have no one to lean on? I'll be your friend!!!" And then I totally don't notice signs of craziness until it's too late. What I lack in good judgement and a sense of self-preservation, I make up for with naivety and hasty decision making.

Luluthus 41

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 11:40

#13 wow, your ex is nuts. To OP, it's time to either leave him or send him to therapy. Actually, you may want to join him.

BootheGhost 6

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 21:30

Desperate times call for desperate measures...

BirdieCurls 25

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:26

Well, did it work?

rabbi1010 29

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 8:30

I would hope so. Unless the boyfrine dragged her into the bathroom with him.

harrypotter955 19

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:28

What if he started face timing you while he was on the toilet...

Luluthus 41

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 11:44

What a lovely image you just put in my head. Thank you for that.

CurlyQute 17

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:28

Hahahahaha this is great. Some people have pissed me off enough that I've almost done this

J215B 33

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:28

Perhaps you should just break up with him rather than do him bodily harm... Just a suggestion.

ComoEsJuan 24

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 2:43

Or just talk to him first.

VeganVampyre 26

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Wednesday 2 April 2014 12:44

11- I would assume if she's to the point of feeding him laxatives just to get some space, she's probably already tried talking to him. Also, talking to someone that clingy doesn't work. I've been there. His reaction was "why don't you want to spend time with me anymore? Don't you love me? Are you cheating on me, is that why?" There's no reasoning with guys like that, they're crazy.