Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time....

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 11 869

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Same thing different taste

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 279

No good

By :(( - 28/09/2013 21:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 442

You deserved it 8 033

By displeased - 05/04/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 786

You deserved it 3 565

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 106

You deserved it 7 023

Girl boss

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 128

You deserved it 13 421

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 311

You deserved it 5 081

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 615

You deserved it 91 024

Nice way to go, really

By motorboatofdoom - 30/03/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 300

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 179

You deserved it 312

FML: Uncensored

By Cliché... or Touché? - 03/08/2017 02:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 865

You deserved it 62 131

afdude87 6

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:04

sounds like she's immature. probably shouldn't be bangin that kinda drama anyway.

Emmy_The_Great 2

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:06

I bet the wasp was evilly laughing in the next room.

Comments

texaslonghorn 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 8:58

she's gotta get back on and try again... it's not like she really fell off the horse this time

agSWAAAAG 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:07

Nahh a horse is too many...I was thinking along of the lines of a chihuahua

texaslonghorn 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 9:23

ya little wiener dog.. or just little wiener.

NYC_Yoshi 3

Wednesday 8 June 2011 14:51

I ******* hate bees and wasps! You should have aimed your climax at it. Or swat it with your dick.

IceeCreamm 7

Wednesday 8 June 2011 14:55

Good game bro

mfjkr 10

Wednesday 8 June 2011 19:57

blue screen....reboot man REBOOT!

kisalycorsis34 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 23:36

Now I don't have a penis, so correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it hurt to use your penis as a flyswatter? I'm assuming that the wasp would get angry and sting you. Ya know, on your PENIS.

crymore007 11

Wednesday 8 June 2011 23:56

so you used to have a penis?

JumbledGirl 2

Thursday 9 June 2011 17:12

in response to two above me, I don't have one either. it would be like getting punched in the boob with a javelin. with a needle ontop. so yes, it would hurt like a HOB KNOCKER!!!!