Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML

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Love

Out of it

Don't shoot the messenger

RIP in peace

By bellaboop1990 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

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By J-Sauce - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, a girl I like asked me to a concert, saying she had an extra ticket. I ended up being the third wheel with her and her boyfriend. Had to pay $60 for the ticket too. FML

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By addictedtofml - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

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By ultraattitude - United States

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

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By overundereducated - 13/3/2020 18:00

The Birmingham School of Business School

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

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By dafuqdidisee - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

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By ShutUp007 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

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By PukinFireman - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33040

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my manager told my shift that if we didn't have the quota filled for cinnamon rolls by tonight, we were all out of a job. One of the machines we use to wrap cinnamon rolls just started acting up. We also aren't allowed to take over time. FML

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By Alana - Australia

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

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By DudeManBro69 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

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By BigBadTron - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

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54081

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By thissucks - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59415

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By Sleeping Beauty - United States - Jamestown

Lookin' good

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

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21960

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By Allycat - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

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47033

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By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

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32971

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By dumbass

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

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By Lifetime Presents: - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

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By partypooper - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

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By simpleasjam - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

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9116

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By dragynfyre - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

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25774

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By ticketed - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned that several thousand people in my state got tickets this month for driving and talking on the phone. My mom called to tell me this while I was driving. I'm now part of that statistic. Thanks, mom. FML

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11255

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By thunder thighs - United States

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

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By julieriis - Denmark - Hals

Today, I was in a car accident, two days before Christmas. I'm now laying at home, not able to walk. My whole family thinks that I'm joking. A car drove over my foot, I'm not joking. FML

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21989

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By PiMan - United States

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

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By mhogan - 10/3/2020 21:00 - Canada

The Laws of Attraction

Today, I was skiing and crashed into a tree. It was the only tree on the slope. FML

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1261

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By scottishoatmeal - United Kingdom - Auchterarder

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

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By send help

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

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By woodchuck0022 - Canada

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

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13393

You deserved it

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By thewallrules - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

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36852

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By SkottLong - United States - Logan

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

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30240

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By Chance115

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

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2566

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By peanutprobs - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

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38748

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36044

You deserved it

2844

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By Kitcat034

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

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4702

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By middleagednurse

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

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Top comments

By IndicaPaincakes | 28

#5894465 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:38

You should have started talking about your ex.

By tj4234 | 35

#5894520 - Monday 24 March 2014 12:54

It's not confusing at all... You all should be more careful when reading if you found it confusing...

COMMENTS

By DanShowsNoMercy | 13

#5894460 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:36

What an ass.

BrickTamlandLamp | 13

#5894593 - Monday 24 March 2014 15:55

He probably did it in front of her on purpose like the douche he is

zeuslovesyaoi | 17

#5894795 - Monday 24 March 2014 22:28

"what an ass" said the homosexual lusting after some fine posterior

By ChenEighty | 20

#5894461 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:36

I guess talking about problems is overrated. He took the FML approach and just got a new girlfriend.

By Nickb55 | 16

#5894462 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:37

Wow even though you only knew, you're still there to hear his complaints so he should shut up

By Lioness8197 | 18

#5894463 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:37

Op got dumped for another woman.

By alyant | 12

#5894464 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:37

Well he wasn't meant to be

By IndicaPaincakes | 28

#5894465 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:38

You should have started talking about your ex.

XxDevilxXGt | 26

#5894774 - Monday 24 March 2014 21:30

Or if OP is brave enough, she could have revealed that she was his ex and expose the guy for the douchebag he is.

IndicaPaincakes | 28

#5894923 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 0:20

Get him on the spot, he may not have even known what to do.

By random_cashmere | 25

#5894466 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:40

for being needy

By grashopper8 | 7

#5894467 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:41

You're better off, dodged a bullet there! What a prick.

By extrasnipes | 22

#5894469 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:53

Was he not questioned about who the ex was?

glabberfasted | 16

#5894479 - Monday 24 March 2014 12:07

The coworkers probably assumed he didn't date one of his coworkers. I haven't met very many of my coworkers' significant others

By jerryj | 27

#5894470 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:57

And now she knows why he dumped her.