Love: Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46948

You deserved it

5875

Favorite

Love

The smell detective is on the case

There's no helping some people

Eat the rich

By lifesux - United States

Classic playa move

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40333

You deserved it

3812

Favorite

By CC - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20745

You deserved it

24886

Favorite

By (L) - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2732

You deserved it

3644

Favorite

By MandiJo - 19/2/2021 11:01

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Today, my fiancé/son’s father’s death anniversary is in a few days. I asked my closest friends if they’d hang with me so I could try and keep my mind off it, and so I wouldn’t be alone (my son will be with fiancé’s parents). They couldn’t be bothered and want to go away for the weekend instead. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

811

You deserved it

Favorite

By worksucker - United States

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28472

You deserved it

7464

Favorite

By firemansam - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Advent calendar time!

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16512

You deserved it

29648

Favorite

By prisym

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3306

You deserved it

755

Favorite

By mapollis - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10342

You deserved it

31759

Favorite

By sexychica - United States

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58271

You deserved it

6330

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48599

You deserved it

5513

Favorite

By fuck - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30440

You deserved it

59590

Favorite

By damngotkik

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to use an electric sander on my arm during our construction class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4720

You deserved it

372

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45857

You deserved it

6075

Favorite

By nojob - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50031

You deserved it

4435

Favorite

By ID10t - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7793

You deserved it

53717

Favorite

By fail - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34978

You deserved it

2906

Favorite

By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20769

You deserved it

117227

Favorite

By jayswizzle89 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24114

You deserved it

69385

Favorite

By ouchie - Canada

Today, I went to the drugstore to get supplies for my broken toe. Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day. At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, and ended up stepping on the toes of my good foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28263

You deserved it

2670

Favorite

By onlyjuggalos - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22477

You deserved it

2527

Favorite

By PCJJacket - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52098

You deserved it

26028

Favorite

By STIdiot - United States

Today, my boyfriend's jaw was swollen due to him not taking care of a cracked tooth. He's convinced it was actually caused by an STD, and accused me of giving it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35572

You deserved it

3659

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

I agree, your life sucks

9313

You deserved it

65402

Favorite

By ShowOff - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11157

You deserved it

53332

Favorite

By afraidtoburn - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34292

You deserved it

2560

Favorite

By Nathaniel Bastien - 6/2/2021 23:01 - Canada

If only it was a leap year

Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

772

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41300

You deserved it

4956

Favorite

By screwed - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44918

You deserved it

5413

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24783

You deserved it

2530

Favorite

By iliketoastalot - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40544

You deserved it

5879

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 11:02

Clean break

Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1277

You deserved it

288

Favorite

By Aly - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47980

You deserved it

5797

Favorite

By fired

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47852

You deserved it

7417

Favorite

By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

720

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By Mrs. W. - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25335

You deserved it

2366

Favorite

By givemestrength - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39416

You deserved it

3261

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43450

You deserved it

4253

Favorite

By VedaLynn - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25927

You deserved it

2668

Favorite

By thanksdad - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dad was helping my fiancé and me move. On the way, someone sideswiped the trailer. When the police came, we found my dad had a suspended license, no insurance, and a broken tail light. No one else could drive a manual, so we were stuck in a parking lot for 3 hours. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21803

You deserved it

5669

Favorite

By klutz - United States

Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57405

You deserved it

6041

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By IndicaPaincakes | 28

#5894465 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:38

You should have started talking about your ex.

By tj4234 | 35

#5894520 - Monday 24 March 2014 12:54

It's not confusing at all... You all should be more careful when reading if you found it confusing...

COMMENTS

By DanShowsNoMercy | 13

#5894460 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:36

What an ass.

BrickTamlandLamp | 13

#5894593 - Monday 24 March 2014 15:55

He probably did it in front of her on purpose like the douche he is

zeuslovesyaoi | 17

#5894795 - Monday 24 March 2014 22:28

"what an ass" said the homosexual lusting after some fine posterior

By ChenEighty | 20

#5894461 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:36

I guess talking about problems is overrated. He took the FML approach and just got a new girlfriend.

By Nickb55 | 16

#5894462 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:37

Wow even though you only knew, you're still there to hear his complaints so he should shut up

By Lioness8197 | 18

#5894463 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:37

Op got dumped for another woman.

By alyant | 12

#5894464 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:37

Well he wasn't meant to be

By IndicaPaincakes | 28

#5894465 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:38

You should have started talking about your ex.

XxDevilxXGt | 26

#5894774 - Monday 24 March 2014 21:30

Or if OP is brave enough, she could have revealed that she was his ex and expose the guy for the douchebag he is.

IndicaPaincakes | 28

#5894923 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 0:20

Get him on the spot, he may not have even known what to do.

By random_cashmere | 25

#5894466 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:40

for being needy

By grashopper8 | 7

#5894467 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:41

You're better off, dodged a bullet there! What a prick.

By extrasnipes | 22

#5894469 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:53

Was he not questioned about who the ex was?

glabberfasted | 16

#5894479 - Monday 24 March 2014 12:07

The coworkers probably assumed he didn't date one of his coworkers. I haven't met very many of my coworkers' significant others

By jerryj | 27

#5894470 - Monday 24 March 2014 11:57

And now she knows why he dumped her.