By haztod - 30/03/2014 21:52 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh
haztod tells us more.
Hi, OP here - I'm super surprised this got posted! Just to clear some things up: my boyfriend is American and studying here in the UK. I have met his sister and we get along super well, but not anyone else in his family, nor do they know he's dating someone. From what I understand, his parents - especially his dad - aren't really big on relationships, especially when studying, as they can be seen as a distraction. I know for a fact that it was his mom as they usually do voice calls and I sit quietly, but she wanted a video chat so I shifted rooms on this occasion; there's definitely not another girl in the picture! I spoke to him about it after the call and explained that it upset me a little and made me feel like he had to hide me, and he was very apologetic and felt guilty - he told me this was his first serious relationship and he wasn't really sure what the right steps were in terms of parents or when they should happen which I actually found quite sweet. This is definitely not a deal breaker - he is so wonderful I wouldn't let something like this ruin our relationship! He just Skyped his mom again tonight and told her the news, so it's no longer an issue. He has met all my family and they adore him, so no issues there!
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yeah op, this guy is obviously a mommas boy. Things like this will be a challenge throughout your relationship. You should really look at that and see if that's something you're willing to put up with for the long haul, you're not going to able to change that in him.
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How is it a deal breaker? Maybe he would like to make sure its really serious before telling his mom. Most likely, to the mom, the introduction is a sign of escalation into engagement. some cultures are like that.
I actually posted a follow up later in the comments with some more details and the aftermath if you would like to take a look :) I know for a fact when I read an FML, some more details from the OP are always nice and tend to clarify the FML and the circumstances surrounding it.
Don't waste anymore more time with someone with a mindset like that. There's a guy out there who will treat you with so much more respect!
Imagine how surprised he'd be if you just called her and told her yourself... Hopefully he gets a bit more confidence in him in a while so this kinda thing doesn't recur
I don't get why he would hide it. There's a possibility he could have a girlfriend (or even wife!) back home.
In some cultures, you don't "date." There might be some intermingling that's supervised by chaperone, but loads of couples worldwide only meet when they get married. The other possibility is that OP is of a different race than the boyfriend and his mom, especially if she's white or black and he's from a more conservative Asian or African country.
When I started going out with my boyfriend.. I didn't tell my parents till after 2 years. I was pretty darn terrified of my father. Coming from an Asian family, he expected me to finish College then get a stable job THEN can I finally have a boyfriend. :X Hope your boyfriend has a good and understanding reason to not tell his mother.
I can understand that but if he is independent I can't see of any really good reason for him not to tell jer if he really likes the girl unless she is paying for his expenses which I am going to assume not even though I may be wrong. (sorry for the run on sentence)