Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML
Today, my boyfriend is trying to get me to cut my hair, wear different clothes, apply my makeup differently, and even change my morals and values to match his mother's. FML
brocho tells us more.
Hi, this is OP! I can't believe this got posted! Anyway, he has always been a huge mama's boy and thinks that her way is the only way. She is a rather rude and opinionated woman, and has raised him to think that there is only one way to do things, and that's her way. I did talk to him and explain that I am not his mother and that I like myself just as I am and don't plan on changing, and he got pretty upset about it. We are now over, but it doesn't bother me much since this has been an ongoing issue for awhile now, and he just can't accept me for who I am. He was always trying to tell me that I should cut my long hair super short because his mom cut hers that way, and even asked me what I would do if I woke up with short hair, which concerned me. He also told me he and his mom didn't like my choice of clothing so that I should dress like she does, that I should wear my makeup like hers, and that my opinions, morals and values should be exactly the same as his mother's. It was just too much, and he got really upset when I told him no. He even suggested I quit college and my decent-paying job and get a job working with his mom for minimum wage and to draw welfare like her. He also always expected me to drive him everywhere, buy him everything he wanted, and baby him. I think I dodged a bullet, and I feel much better without all of the pressure to change.
Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML
Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML
Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML
Moving day
Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML
Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML
Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML
Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML
Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought I was going to ask him if we wanted children together. Instead of talking about it, he pretended to have a violent seizure and die. FML
tessie94 tells us more.
tessie94 2
Hello everyone, OP here. So it seems I should clarify a few things over here, don't want you guys worrying over something not that important :D first of all, we were both surprised our FML was published since we are both avid FML readers and have often joked that we should share some situations with you. This time, again and then I decided to actually share it and - hey presto :D then came the backlash. I forgot I was on the internet- I'm not an avid social media user so I'm not used to it. For everyone speculating: yes, the Sherlocks among you have correctly deducted that I am indeed 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been going out for almost 3 years now and are very happy together. We even have talked about having children together in lighter moments but on the evening I posted it my darling man was not very relaxed and I was amused by the cliché behaviour of him freaking out and me being overly attached. He did pretend to die violently every time I wanted to talk about it to the point that we were both just in tears laughing. But no worry, we both are NOT having children anytime soon. I was talking about the future, 7-10, maybe even 15 years. I want to be a late mum because as you guys probably haven't guessed I am a trained nanny and child minder and therefore know full well how tiring and difficult children can be, even though I love them dearly. And so does my boyfriend by the way. He is the most wonderful uncle to two tiny kiddos we both love more than anything, which is why I thought he was ok with talking and dreaming about our child-filled future. Obviously not. Boys will be boys but that is fine as well of course. Lastly, I want to apologise to anyone who might or might not feel offended by me joking about seizures, in no way was I reflecting it and realising what that could mean. I am sorry. And as a side note- Tessie is my dog. Cheerio and thanks for reading and worrying about unwanted children set into this world (of which there are far too many) love from a loving Austrian/British Nanny and veterinary student :)
Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
******
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got ahold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible." He was referring to me. FML
Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML
Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML
Pretend it's snowing
Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML
Law and order
Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML
Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML
That's not how that works
Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML
Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML
Afroman720 tells us more.
Afroman720 18
So I asked her if I could have a redo because I was wayyyyyyyyy too nervous, and so I was able to tell her I like her without the running away and such this time! No update on how she feels about me though...I didn't wait for a response cause I had to leave work in a hurry to make it to school on time haha. One step at a time right?
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML