By Anonymous

Social distancing done right

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1994

You deserved it

273

Favorite

Hiding from the drama

Territorial pissings

The one with the asshole friend

By he is going to hell - Australia - Forestville

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34314

You deserved it

2138

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33051

You deserved it

3934

Favorite

By Username

Today, my brother announced his engagement. I'm going to be the Maid of Honor. My ex, who told me after five years of dating that he didn't believe in marriage, is going to be the Best Man. I get to walk down the aisle with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1896

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By miseventshappen - United States

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41563

You deserved it

4986

Favorite

By DeaazGurl - 22/1/2021 17:01

Thievery

Today, the medicine I keep at my desk for headaches is now gone thanks to my coworker who took the last 6 Advil at once. Her reasoning? "You're thin, so you wouldn't need them anyway. I'm twice your size, so I needed twice the dose." FML

I agree, your life sucks

890

You deserved it

Favorite

By Hopslammer - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11205

You deserved it

48956

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5894

You deserved it

577

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80610

You deserved it

8110

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47101

You deserved it

8519

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/6/2021 00:01

Oh no, not you

Today, I had no idea my dad and my fiancé's dad are old enemies, until we brought our families together for the first time since we met and COVID rules were relaxed. Long story short, there was a brawl, lots of drinking, a destroyed back garden and we’re not engaged anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

945

You deserved it

Favorite

By richkief76

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35885

You deserved it

8308

Favorite

By Brown345 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21194

You deserved it

5994

Favorite

By miji

Today, for the fifth time in a row, my parents tried to discuss my pooping habits with me at the dinner table. This time, we had guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2816

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By Late marriage - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3936

You deserved it

942

Favorite

By buttpain

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9536

You deserved it

823

Favorite

By GshDrnt - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34092

You deserved it

6575

Favorite

By bennyp77 - United States

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28921

You deserved it

15663

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26974

You deserved it

1826

Favorite

By ClosetMishap - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32623

You deserved it

4723

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48304

You deserved it

7955

Favorite

By Rosie

Today, I got off a long shift and went to the bus stop. Upon arrival, I saw a girl giving a guy a blowjob. Disgusted, I tried to avoid them and sat on the bench to wait. The girl popped up angrily and looked over at me. "Can't you give us some privacy?!" This is the only bus stop nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3969

You deserved it

281

Favorite

By klv8 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48627

You deserved it

3547

Favorite

By insearch4i - United States

Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16826

You deserved it

31081

Favorite

By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40118

You deserved it

3670

Favorite

By Mylifesintatterssendhelp

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

2641

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Hagersville

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15370

You deserved it

55852

Favorite

By Donewithit - United States - San Francisco

Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30570

You deserved it

2282

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23410

You deserved it

7102

Favorite

By suspended - Australia

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26580

You deserved it

41119

Favorite

By Joe - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10782

You deserved it

125844

Favorite

By ThePidgeon - United Kingdom

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34082

You deserved it

7732

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40175

You deserved it

3658

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/6/2021 18:00

Ingredients check

Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1153

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Bobby ray slice - United States

Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35573

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28195

You deserved it

4388

Favorite

By rainedaddy - United States

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73760

You deserved it

3165

Favorite

By TJ - India

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38153

You deserved it

2979

Favorite

By thunder thighs - United States

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40438

You deserved it

6268

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56765

You deserved it

3758

Favorite

By jpmetz - United States

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28721

You deserved it

6000

Favorite

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Top comments

By Susan Yee | 9

#7899927 - Wednesday 22 April 2020 21:43

Long distance relationship is hard.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7899960 - Thursday 23 April 2020 1:10

Evidently, not as hard as the local guy.

COMMENTS

By bloopaloop | 27

#7899866 - Wednesday 22 April 2020 17:06

She is in love. Emotionally. With dick. Guess what? There’s a girl in your area that is too.

By Susan Yee | 9

#7899927 - Wednesday 22 April 2020 21:43

Long distance relationship is hard.

RichardPencil | 30

#7899960 - Thursday 23 April 2020 1:10

Evidently, not as hard as the local guy.

By JuliaKay14 | 32

#7899986 - Thursday 23 April 2020 3:51

Long distance is hard. You can’t blame her for wanting physical attention. She’s a jerk for cheating but she’s allowed to leave you because she needs a physical relationship

By Yudith | 20

#7900079 - Thursday 23 April 2020 12:34

If she ever wants to have sex again in this quarantine, she will have to move in with the guy. I wish her good luck. She'll need it.

By FinkiusMaximus | 6

#7900089 - Thursday 23 April 2020 14:10

Behind her back

By ptsdsucks | 18

#7900474 - Friday 24 April 2020 22:01

as a landlord, they would have more than enough info to steal her identity if they wanted to, so not sure on the panic about an online payment. I mean, she's ok with giving her name, DOB, SSN, etc but not her credit card number?