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Gay man here - speaking from experience, it's pretty shitty when your straight opposite-sex friend tries to kiss you. Whether he believed her or not, it was still a dick thing to do if she never showed any sign of liking him. Nothing wrong with being bold: but only if the other person seems to be into it as well.
I get what you're saying. My best friend is a lesbian and she had a couple of boyfriends because she was trying to figure herself out, that's completely normal. It kinda annoys me when people say "but you had a girlfriend/boyfriend" like it's hard to believe. Anyway OP, he crossed a boundary.
Exactly! Not only is he not respecting that she is a lesbian but he is assuming that she would be into him just because she 'isn't a lesbian'. Not everyone is interested in every guy they meet. This isn't a Jacob/Bella scenario where you can forcefully kiss someone against their will and they realise they actually do like you. At least that is how the fml came across to me. Maybe he thought she was giving him signs and into him, I don't know.
#89- are you a special kind of stupid? OP is a girl. OP is a lesbian. Therefore, OP is a girl who likes ONLY girls. OP's friend is male. Males are not females, therefore OP cannot be interested in him. It's not that hard. If she was interested in him as well as girls, she could possibly be bisexual, but that's not the case here.
That's ridiculous that he would assume that and try anyway, hope you nailed him in the sack Op.
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.Show it anyway
Avoid him at all costs, OP. If he's willing to sexually harass you like that, knowing you're not into him, or any guy for that matter, then he isn't a friend at all. Just cut ties with him and carry pepper spray or anything like that just in case. I get the feeling he cares a lot more about getting layed than the feelings of anyone.
"A number of things could've happened"? She's been a lesbian for fifteen years, broni friendzoni. You don't try to kiss somebody because the stars aligned and made you think you could get away with it. You respect their boundaries and figure out first if they actually want to, even when they're straight, never mind when you're clearly not even packing the right tackle to row their rowboat.
He was willing to attempt to force his lips in contact with hers against her will and without her knowledge. He's only a few stray thoughts from being a rapist at this point people. Like literally only a few. Even if she had been straight and into him it's still harassment to attempt to force a kiss on her.
Now see if the tables were turned, and OP was a gay man and his female friend tried to kiss him, you guys wouldn't be having this argument. Hell it probably wouldn't have even gotten posted. Mistakes happen, he probably was looking for an excuse because he didn't expect her to react that way. You guys are acting like he pulled his junk out and waved it in her face.
No, #33, a straight woman trying to force a kiss on a gay man is not acceptable either. That would also be disrespectful enough to be grounds for ending a friendship. The only thing that makes that situation less frightening is that a grown man is probably able to fend off an inappropriately behaving woman pretty easily.
#33 reversing the roles won't mean anything. I would say the same to any female that tried to kiss a gay guy because he dated a girl years ago. It's not right to kiss a someone without their knowledge. Shooing it under the rug will just lead to more of those "mistakes" to happen
Dude he went in for a kiss and got rejected. That's all. It's not 'sexual harassment'. He went for it and was albeit pretty stupid, but that wasn't harassment. If going in for a kiss is now considered harassment then half the romantic movies are supposedly supporting sexual harassment.
Okay. Clearly he's an idiot. but it doesn't say anything about forcing anyone. she stopped him and asked what the hell. he didn't kiss her. and likely all he did do was lean in to find out if she had any interest in him. which is stupid. and maybe a termination of friendship will be in order but it's not like he grabbed her ass or asked if she wanted his dick. he tried to kiss her. and clearly it wasn't forced because he didn't succeed. just saying. this is an over reaction.
I'm not saying it doesn't have a root of sexual harassment problems. I'm just saying there is no context of any forced moves. and if a guy was in that situation he'd likely just say ewe go away man. but he wouldn't assume the man was about to rape him for trying to steal a quick kiss. no one's saying it was deserved. we're just saying unintelligence isn't the same as assault.
Listen termination of friendship acceptable. Saying sexual harassment is dumb and if u think that u are dumb. Let's put aside the fact that the guy was straight and op is lesbian. A guy moves in to kiss a girl or a girl moves in to kiss a guy spontaneously, how is that sexual harassment. He or she liked u or started having feelings and made a bold move it happens that's life. Now op is lesbian the guy was dumb, but no way in hell if that sexual harassment cuz he didn't hold her and kiss her, she said get away and he did. If u think that is sexual harassment u are dum.
67: "A guy moves in to kiss a girl or a girl moves in to kiss a guy spontaneously, how is that sexual harassment." Ummm... because she said before that it was unwanted and she had no interest in him by telling him she's a lesbian and still decided to try and force a kiss on her against her will? That's quite obviously sexual harassment. "Now op is lesbian the guy was dumb, but no way in hell if that sexual harassment cuz he didn't hold her and kiss her, she said get away and he did." He still tried to kiss her when she said before she wasn't into guys. That obviously included him, but he didn't take the hint and still tried to kiss her. The fact he failed does't mean anything. He still made the attempt. To say that the fact he didn't succeed in kissing her makes the attempt itself a-okay is the age old argument of "You could have hurt them!"/"Well, I didn't, so I did no wrong."
Saying that thinking he "had a shot" is like saying his desire was more important than her consent. Which is exactly how quite a few rapists think. So, yeah, trying to force someone to kiss you when you KNOW they aren't interested isn't hard to decline into forcing other acts on them. OP would be justified in cutting contact with the so called 'friend' in my books. Especially since, for those of you who are oblivious, many rapists are people who the victim knows and has previously turned down. Hm... Notice some similarities between that and the OP's case?
#67 yes the fact that she had said she was not interested and yet he tried to kiss her might well be sexual harassment. I think the problem people are having with this is that. esp on tv, people go in and kiss others without having spoken about their feelings beforehand. You get films where, in a fit of passion the main character unexpectedly kisses the other and it is all fine. I think that is probably a matter of judgement in those situations, and a lot of first kisses are the result of signals like eye contact, testing boundaries etc. without verbally saying "can I kiss you". But if someone has made it clear they are not interested e.g. they are not interested in your sex, then no attempt should be made.
The definition of forcing yourself on someone is not giving them a chance to say no. In the OP she said no and that was that. A few months ago I was on a night out and someone came up to me grabbed my face and tried to kiss me. Luckily I managed to get my hand between my mouth and his so he was unsuccessful but he had intentionally held onto the back of my head and wouldn't let go for a good few seconds even with me trying to get away and using all of my strength to try and get him off. Now that is trying to force yourself on someone. A man going in for a kiss then not pushing it when they say no is not force in the slightest. It's rude when clearly OP clearly isn't interested and if I was her I would expect an apology, but to say he essentially forced himself on her and gave her no choice is inaccurate.
Let me tell you something, 97. If a woman tells you she's not interested and has to use physical force (shoving you) to get you to stop trying to kiss her? That's sexual assault. Plain and simple. You NEVER have the right to make physical contact with someone that's not interested just because the guy in the FML failed to force himself on her because she managed to fight back doesn't make what he did any less bad.
Haha, the same thing's happened to me. What I always wonder is why the hell would someone even kiss someone else who isn't their romantic partner without asking consent first?
#20- I absolutely HATE that argument. Not only does it imply that all guys are sleazy dumbasses, but it really pushes stupid guys (and guys on the fence) into going ahead and doing things without consent. Because they then believe that "well I'm a guy and I can't read moments very well", it will make them think that any wrong-doing can be brushed off as an excuse of "it was a mistake".