Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML
Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML
jellenwood tells us more.
OP here! So, this was several years ago. Apparently his family didn't want want him to marry me and never wanted him to divorce his first wife. His father is the one who performed the wedding. He called me the wrong name several times during the ceremony. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. Friends later tell me it wasn't just his mother that was laughing but many members of his family but I just couldn't hear them. H
Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML
Today, my boyfriend called. He said he would sing me a song, like I'd wanted for a long time. I was excited, but surprised at his song choice. He sang 'Locked Away' by R. City ft. Adam Levine. Turns out, he was calling me from jail. He thought this was romantic, and expected me to bail him out. FML
ishred1111 tells us more.
ishred1111 14
Thanks for all the funny comments! They made me feel better when I'm not actually feeling that great, considering what my boyfriend turned out to be like.... Speaking of which, I totally agree with most of you. Yes, I hung up on him and no, I did not bail him out. I think his sister did in the end. His fate and what he actually did to get arrested are unknown to me, honestly I just knew we were done the second he finished the song and then said 'so, babe, can you bail me out?' Never thought he could be like this. Very disappointed in him. But still thoroughly impressed at his singing (he recited it perfectly). :) thanks guys!!
Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML
Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist". FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother insisted she's not homophobic, but however people only 'turn gay' because they were sexually abused, or are 'making it up to get attention'. She informed me I'm the former and my girlfriend is the latter. Uh huh. FML
Today, I broke up with the guy I was seeing because he has a bad temper. He refused to believe me and decided that the best way to prove me wrong was to completely destroy my newly built house, inside and out, while I was at work. FML
hi_im_ughlee tells us more.
hi_im_ughlee 19
Hey, guys! I'm OP. I'm glad most of you are supportive about this! Charges have been filed and he will be sued for all damages. He actually did break in, and he broke all the windows and doors, smashed all the lights and mirrors, took a hammer to the brick outside and the walls inside, and destroyed my deck. I had mini cameras installed to make sure no one would steal anything while the house was still being worked on, so I've got irrefutable proof that it was him and slowly but surely he will be brought down.
Today, I agreed to go on a date with this really nice guy. Halfway through the date, he started talking about his wife and kids. FML
Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML
Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend of two years asked me out on a date was because I accidentally flashed him when we met. FML
Today, my boyfriend declared he doesn't feel ready to move in with me for at least "some more years". We have already been together for five years. When he bought an apartment one year ago, he kept it a secret for three months. Maybe I should learn to take a hint. Or several hints. FML
Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML
Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML
Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were, "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML
Today, I now need to include in my prerequisites for a potential date, "Must not pull a knife out on one of my guy friends for hugging me." I'm so done with online dating. FML
MG73 tells us more.
OP here. For some clarification, it was only our second time hanging out. I did introduce him to my guy friend so he wouldn't feel insecure. We were all leaving, I hugged my friend bye since to me, that is just a casual thing, and he went crazy. I'm just glad I found out what he's like early on.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm boring and never go to the bar with him. He knows I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML
Chelsey5279 tells us more.
I wasn't planning on commenting if this got published, but I decided to create an account to thank you guys for your supportive comments. I also wanted to add that I do know I'm better off, it's just difficult because we have a daughter together. Thankfully I have an amazing support system around me and I don't have to deal with this by myself
Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML
Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to celebrate our 4-year anniversary with a shadow box I had made for her of our memories over the years. I left her house single, with a small bag of "breakup candy." FML
zeeman2015 tells us more.
hey guys, OP here. I would like to say thanks for the support on this post. So as for breaking up, it went as smoothly as I could hope for. She was kind enough to answer all of my "but why" questions and the candy was some of our shared favorites. I guess I should have seen the breakup coming but I was in serious denial for a few months. We are still on talking terms and are separating peacefully but it doesn't suck or hurt any less.. As for why it happened on our anniversary? It wasn't really planned in any way to be on that day. it just... played out like that. I know this sounds dumb but it was the first time we had gotten to speak at length in over a month. I hope this clears up any questions.. Thanks again for the support ya'll show
Today, I learned that the only way to get my boyfriend to respond to me is through nudes. FML
iAlissa tells us more.
iAlissa 34
Oh holy this got published. So, I promise he's not a raging douche. In all honestly, he had gotten a new video game, and I hadn't really heard from him all day. So I sent him a semi-nude picture of myself, and it was then that he responding. We joked around about posting it here, and it got published. I did tell him, however, that I understand he needs gaming time, but shouldn't neglect communication because he's gone for four months for Air Force training and I miss him!
Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I cried my eyes out for hours over the guy who dumped me 9 years ago. FML
Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML
Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML
Today, at school, I got in trouble for plagiarizing on a paper. The subject of said paper was where I see myself in ten years. FML
Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML
wellshitthen tells us more.
wellshitthen 14
Hey all, OP here. Surprisingly, it turned out as a happy ending! My girlfriend asked my roommate to keep me busy for a while so she could run out and grab a birthday gift that she ordered at a local store since she couldn't fly it in with her. My roommate is still an asshat for choosing to give me a heart attack as a way to keep me busy, but it could have been a lot worse.
Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML
Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML
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