Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, I helped my children dye Easter eggs. They did great. My husband, however, is covered in dye spots and glitter from "helping." FML
Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML
Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML
Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML
Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML
Today, my 3-year-old niece brushed my hair, making sure to be gentle so she wouldn't hurt me. When it was time to brush the front, she made sure to meticulously brush my mustache. I'm a woman. FML
Today, my nine-year-old niece found my coloring book that features swear words. I took it away and hid it in a different spot. No less than an hour later, her younger sister found it. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my parents and family. Everybody was happy, except for my dad, who totally freaked out and won't talk to me. The reason: he secretly hoped that I would break up with my husband, and now that we're expecting a baby he can't "get rid of him" anymore. FML
medicalstudent94 tells us more.
OP here. First of all, thank you very much for your support!! Secondly, the reason why my father hates my husband is because of the cultural difference. My family is a conservative traditional eastern European family, they are Christian Orthodox and they care a lot about tradition (getting married in a church, baptizing the kids in orthodox religion, blindly following or doing whatever an older family member sais or asks etc). My husband comes from a typical Nordic family, he's atheist, feminist and basically a very empathetic and open minded person and these qualities are quite the opposite of those of my family's. My dad had always been harsh on me while I was a child and it continued for a long time even after I moved out from my parents house and until I got married to my husband. You would say that living at 2300 km away (we're living and studying abroad) from my dad would be fantastic and he couldn't influence our life in any way... Well he can! He calls my other family members to complain about how I ruined my life and their life by marrying a "pagan" who "has no respect towards our culture" and has married me "out of interest". My other family members call me everyday to complain to me about my father acting insane and to make sure I am ok. I obviously knew something was wrong because he wasn't talking to me (which is abnormal because if he doesn't agree with something he would just call me and yell at me) but I didn't know it was that serious until they told me. Later update: my dad finally called me and he (very seriously) proposed to me that after i will give birth he would take my child away from me so I "could focus on med school without stress" and he would raise him/her as his own child and our baby would grow up speaking only my language and not English (my husband and i speak English at home since we come from different countries). You can all imagine my reaction and what i felt in that moment and why now I'm the one not talking to him anymore. Without any more comments you now have a picture of this very messed up situation and how things like this still happen in the 21st century in developed countries. And no, I had no idea that this kind of thing would ever happen to me. I didn't think that my own father would turn out to be that type of person. I knew he was a bit misogynistic and homophobic but I never imagined that he will not accept my husband just because he's Swedish , or as he likes to call him, "a Viking" (he considers "viking" being a sort of dirty word describing a very massive blond Swedish man with no religion, or a "filthy pagan").
Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML
Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out our eight-year-old son lied about his former babysitter beating him. The babysitter's already thrashed us on social media for believing our son, and now no one in town is willing to babysit for us. Looks like date night is cancelled. FML
Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML
Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML
Today, my son followed me around like a shadow, chanting, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…" to the tune of Jingle Bells. It's March. FML
Today, a child complimented me by telling me that I look like a potato. The good kind of potato. FML
TeaRex__ tells us more.
Hi OP here, I don't know why it's showing me as male, I'm very much a female, a potato female apparently.. But I'll just add a bit more context to a very random situation, the kid who said it is one of my pupils (12 years old), she often says her random thought out loude, although this is one of the most random things she's ever said to me. She couldn't tell what kind of potato is the good kind, just that I looked like it. Some of the suggestions in the comments here is absolutely hilarious and great possible candidates for the good looking potato.
Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML
Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML
Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML
Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, for the millionth time, I walked into a complete smellhole of a bathroom, because my almost ten-year-old sister not only never flushes, but she doesn't wipe either. FML
Today, I went to my kid's band concert. She's 12 and in the advanced team. They were the first ones to play and they were so incredibly bad that I laughed. Really, really loud. I was escorted out of the recital. FML
Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML
Today, while using the restroom, a little girl crawled under my stall door. She stared at me, then yelled, "Someone's in here!" FML
MidnightMusic53 tells us more.
Yay, I finally got an FML published! No idea how it ended up under anonymous, but so glad anyway. I have the "pleasure" of working at Wal-Mart. I was using the restroom on my break, when suddenly, a random child appears. No idea how old she was, or why her mother couldn't be bothered to follow her, she was way too young to be alone. I started to ask her not to crawl under the door but she was in and out.
Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML
Today, I was giving my one-year-old a bath. I'd finished washing her, so she started to play and splash. When I went to lift her out of the tub, I slipped and busted my kneecaps on the side. Guess who sat there and laughed hysterically as I cried out in agony. FML
Today, my toddler realised that my pregnancy means I can't move easily anymore. He celebrated his freedom by doing everything he's not allowed to, and staying just outside my reach at all times. He loves his new game, and it looks like he's not going to stop anytime soon. FML
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