By dman92

Run Away

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

5669

You deserved it

372

Tweet

Share

Commando

Messed up

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20485

You deserved it

9608

Tweet

Share

By Kelavmeister - United States

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87015

You deserved it

6959

Tweet

Share

By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16170

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2226

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 14:00

Big up retail workers

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1792

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By fuckmuppeter512 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65589

You deserved it

8655

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks

954

You deserved it

1133

Tweet

Share

By dak-rod423 - United States

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32565

You deserved it

11670

Tweet

Share

By ohjoy - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11025

You deserved it

34456

Tweet

Share

By fml

Today, I noticed the results of my hair growth vitamins. It's been a month since my bad haircut, and I've seen some definite growth... Everywhere except my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2731

You deserved it

311

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, my cat peed on my long-term project so I had to stay up until 4 am doing the whole thing again... just for it to fall in the train tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2177

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By Dude - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62469

You deserved it

2925

Tweet

Share

By whatthef - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30420

You deserved it

2981

Tweet

Share

By xCZ75x - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3096

You deserved it

706

Tweet

Share

By newmoongirl1036 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26861

You deserved it

3330

Tweet

Share

By nullpointer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13699

You deserved it

1941

Tweet

Share

By toto13660

Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7317

You deserved it

13010

Tweet

Share

By bubbles - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13649

You deserved it

40961

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Wrong enemy

Today, my girlfriend slapped a waxing strip on my beard because she is sick of quarantine and wanted to lash out at someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1708

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By sambo99 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37528

You deserved it

3255

Tweet

Share

By thehaystackerine - 24/6/2020 14:02

Bad boy

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1310

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43071

You deserved it

3655

Tweet

Share

By fuck you, kid - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56902

You deserved it

3978

Tweet

Share

By spaz - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30842

You deserved it

13667

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25136

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12820

You deserved it

51763

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3424

You deserved it

350

Tweet

Share

By Minnie - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13054

You deserved it

927

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Nature is so wonderful!

Today, I was backpacking, and I was in a tent. It had rained all day and finally, I was dry. I settled down in my slightly damp sleeping bag. I woke up halfway through the night with a frog on my face and my feet in freezing cold water. Our tent had drifted into a frog pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

394

Tweet

Share

By Justincredible69 - United States

Today, I was legitimately sick so I called in to work. Apparently, 4 other guys on my line called in too. My boss thought we planned it. Now we're all written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25862

You deserved it

1542

Tweet

Share

By LondonKitsch - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50749

You deserved it

29688

Tweet

Share

By TVKill3r - United States

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36731

You deserved it

2744

Tweet

Share

By everyoneheard - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks

71886

You deserved it

18154

Tweet

Share

By CheesyCasey - United States - Detroit

Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37768

You deserved it

5911

Tweet

Share

By Deadfish - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48267

You deserved it

7119

Tweet

Share

By bellaskyeb - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32189

You deserved it

4224

Tweet

Share

By lakatkat - United States

Today, I found out on facebook that my supposed best friend bought a concert ticket to a show. The concert ticket was the exact same amount as the plane ticket she told me she couldn't afford to come see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41671

You deserved it

6383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Sit and stew

Today, my dog and I got sprayed by a skunk. I have no tomato juice or baking soda, and the bus doesn't come for another 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1343

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bell

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17972

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1643

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45570

You deserved it

4415

Tweet

Share

By naughtytwinsisters - Philippines

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18612

You deserved it

33299

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By C8H18 | 33

#7435506 - Saturday 8 April 2017 9:35

Time to move!

By species4872 | 19

#7435983 - Sunday 9 April 2017 14:40

Your little cousin senses the dark side.

COMMENTS

By C8H18 | 33

#7435506 - Saturday 8 April 2017 9:35

Time to move!

By fmlhernebay | 0

#7435933 - Sunday 9 April 2017 11:52

Eeeekk! Did you find out?!

By species4872 | 19

#7435983 - Sunday 9 April 2017 14:40

Your little cousin senses the dark side.

By Bearsmomma | 30

#7435991 - Sunday 9 April 2017 15:12

OMG! FYL life OP. The kiddies can see, and that's ultimate creepy.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7436022 - Sunday 9 April 2017 16:21

It's Slenderman.

The good news is he won't take much food, the bad news is, well,...

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7436184 - Sunday 9 April 2017 23:43

All he needs is about tree fiddy.

By JudgeComrade | 17

#7436137 - Sunday 9 April 2017 22:02

Who you gonna call?

By AbiDowntown | 16

#7436178 - Sunday 9 April 2017 23:10

I'm just gonna go ahead and board the nope train to f**kthatville via Notachanceinhell

By thatslifeiguess7 | 16

#7436187 - Sunday 9 April 2017 23:45

Um was it just a shadow or am axe killer

By Jorge Delgado | 1

#7436213 - Monday 10 April 2017 1:02

unload and reload

By WonderCupcakess | 10

#7436218 - Monday 10 April 2017 1:16

Nope. Absolutely not. [email protected]$k that!