Kids: Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed...

By Anonymous - 03/04/2017 00:00

Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 299

You deserved it 617

Kids

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Same thing different taste

By ulisha5 - 02/08/2013 21:54 - Bulgaria - Burgas

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 583

You deserved it 4 354

By mamagelmane - 08/08/2014 04:27 - France - Vervezelle

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 889

You deserved it 4 073

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 406

You deserved it 3 068

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:08 - United States - Ballwin

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 059

You deserved it 5 490

Funny to him

By Binkplugged - 05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 947

You deserved it 1 866

By beya - 31/08/2009 22:05 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 968

You deserved it 5 872

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 034

You deserved it 3 745

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 445

You deserved it 624

By melonhead - 14/01/2010 08:46 - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 874

You deserved it 3 722

By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 492

You deserved it 5 828

PennyLane27 32

Monday 3 April 2017 2:18

Tomorrow at school: "I made mommy pregnant!"

MegasaurusRex89 28

Monday 3 April 2017 0:03

Well, sounds like someone wants a sibling! haha

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 2 April 2017 5:11

Just wait until the husband asks their daughter how she thinks her mom got pregnant with her! lol

jbuckets_404 38

Monday 3 April 2017 7:37

Plz explain your down-votes.... :-)

MegasaurusRex89 28

Monday 3 April 2017 0:03

Well, sounds like someone wants a sibling! haha

RichardPencil 30

Monday 3 April 2017 0:11

Tell her she needs to drop a little, blue pill in dad's mouth to make it happens.

zedjaleaf1 11

Monday 3 April 2017 0:45

Just be happy it wasn't your husbands seed.

MidnaLink 33

Monday 3 April 2017 2:54

No, just no.

jbuckets_404 38

Monday 3 April 2017 7:35

zedjaleaf1, that's what I was alluding to as well in my earlier comment - lol

TaoShaman 24

Monday 3 April 2017 1:15

That's disturbing.

PennyLane27 32

Monday 3 April 2017 2:18

Tomorrow at school: "I made mommy pregnant!"

张卓铭 2

Monday 3 April 2017 4:38

she is so cute!

Bearsmomma 30

Monday 3 April 2017 6:20

My grandpa told me I'd have a watermelon baby too. I believed him.

pjsr 32

Monday 3 April 2017 15:55

(10 years from now) BF: I don't have a condom. What if you get pregnant? Daughter: Don't worry; my parents think babies come from watermelon seeds. They'll never suspect we did it.