ALL FML

By Pisspants - 17/09/2016 04:39 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

agreeclassic 10 162

vote type 1 2 850

By Aeare_ - 17/09/2016 04:15 - United States - Dixon

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

agreeclassic 12 577

vote type 1 1 245

By Crapper. - 16/09/2016 20:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

agreeclassic 11 197

vote type 1 739

By ItnHmn - 16/09/2016 19:58 - United States - Apo

Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML

agreeclassic 13 446

vote type 1 926

By DabTheFuckOut - 16/09/2016 19:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

agreeclassic 12 570

vote type 1 1 144

By Senseless_487 - 16/09/2016 18:29 - United States - Pioneer

Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML

agreeclassic 12 755

vote type 1 1 332

Senseless_487 app_comment_confession_title

Senseless_487 29

Saturday 17 September 2016 19:55

Hey guys, OP here. While the music itself wasn't the worst thing in the world, and I did find out that Luke Bryan can be very funny, I found that the people who attend country concerts really aren't my cup of tea (I'm more of a pop punk/alternative kind of guy, i.e. blink 182, Yellowcard, etc.). To answer one question about getting punched, it turns out the guys behind me were very drunk and felt like messing with someone, and they picked me. So they each punched me in the head, and then one of them dropped the beer on me. I didn't have to do anything about it because the people around us kicked their asses and made them leave. And as to the people saying "suck it up," we all do things we don't enjoy for love, but when it crosses the line to physical violence and bodily harm, it becomes something that you can bitch about. She puts up with my geeky shit all the time without complaint, and I wouldn't have had a single complaint about spending my night at a country concert, but I went home cold, wet, smelling of beer, and in a lot of pain. I earned the right to bitch a little bit.

By polkadotpinup - 16/09/2016 17:22 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

agreeclassic 12 831

vote type 1 869

By Blamethepostman - 16/09/2016 15:10

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

agreeclassic 9 022

vote type 1 2 834

By bigbaby - 16/09/2016 07:06 - United States - Saint Michael

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

agreeclassic 10 830

vote type 1 3 276

By littlekellilee - 16/09/2016 04:27 - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

agreeclassic 12 790

vote type 1 1 535

By Randomspaghetti - 15/09/2016 21:11 - United States - Lehi

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

agreeclassic 14 175

vote type 1 2 339

Six weeks for nowt

By Dezzmond68 - 15/09/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes, and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way is better than yours." FML

agreeclassic 12 007

vote type 1 897

Gibson headstock blues

By nicrus - 15/09/2016 20:13 - Norway

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

agreeclassic 13 552

vote type 1 764

By Rabite - 15/09/2016 14:48 - Germany - Bonn

Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML

agreeclassic 12 070

vote type 1 793

By poor_college_kid - 15/09/2016 12:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

agreeclassic 12 714

vote type 1 886

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up, and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse, and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

agreeclassic 14 290

vote type 1 3 055

By stupidpplsuck - 15/09/2016 08:41 - United States - Seaside

Today, it's my birthday. The only gift I got was a book on the history of cancers. Not the illness, the zodiac sign. I'm a Virgo. I don't even like astrology. FML

agreeclassic 13 775

vote type 1 1 042

stupidpplsuck app_comment_confession_title

stupidpplsuck 33

Friday 16 September 2016 2:46

op here i wouldn't have cared about not getting a gift at all, especially since money is a little tight right now. But the fact that there was a gift and it was something that doesn't really pertain to me or my interests is was got me a little down. I'm still gonna read it and I appreciate the thought, but I would have preferred just a card or something.

By Anonymous - 15/09/2016 00:35 - United States - Nottingham

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

agreeclassic 11 176

vote type 1 814

By K_nightlight - 15/09/2016 00:20 - United States - River Falls

Today, I was babysitting two brothers, 3 and 5. As I was getting the youngest ready to go outside, the older boy, threw open the door, shucked his clothing, and ran off into the woods. I had to carry the 3-year-old as I ran my asthmatic ass after him. FML

agreeclassic 14 454

vote type 1 1 225

K_nightlight app_comment_confession_title

K_nightlight 19

Thursday 15 September 2016 16:23

Hi, OP here. I'm not gonna just tell you their names, so I hope you realize that 3 and 5 are their ages. And a leash would have been a very good thing to have for this kid. He's a wild little kid alright. Lucky for me his brother, the 3 year old, likes me so he doesnt do stuff like this. And yeah, I live way way up north, and their house is nestled in the woods so it's a struggle to keep them out of it.

By Loose Ends - 14/09/2016 23:48 - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

agreeclassic 14 249

vote type 1 2 814