Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it...

By Anonymous - 14/4/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4511

You deserved it

594

Favorite

Holidays

Geek

Assumptions

Peaky Bladders

Higher standards

By DBR - 23/11/2009 22:12 - United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28514

You deserved it

5046

Favorite

By First Kiss - 7/12/2012 12:39 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26933

You deserved it

3455

Favorite

By meaganlea - 23/2/2010 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32815

You deserved it

6056

Favorite

By touristtraphotel - 11/8/2016 18:58 - Puerto Rico

Today, my former boss is threatening to keep my last paycheck until I return a skateboard that a guest forgot at the hotel about a month ago. She was the one who gave me the order to put it in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14750

You deserved it

833

Favorite

By contracted - 22/8/2016 05:49 - United States - Concord

Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11919

You deserved it

874

Favorite

By Okay_Then - 1/1/2014 23:49 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, a customer started a conversation by telling me how smart he'd heard I am, and finished it by explaining his theory that only smart people commit suicide. He then gave me a knowing look and said, "Just something I thought you should think about," and left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38995

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By sleeper - 2/3/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26198

You deserved it

6035

Favorite

By llostinreality - 30/9/2018 07:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, the blinker on my car was broken so I decided to play it safe and drive a different car to work. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered which car I drove, as the cop nicely told me one of the headlights was out when he pulled me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2914

You deserved it

355

Favorite

By Emily - 6/7/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34550

You deserved it

12209

Favorite

By fthislyfe - 2/7/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45223

You deserved it

7885

Favorite

By MaddyN - 8/7/2014 04:26 - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46509

You deserved it

3464

Favorite

By Hover Hand - 21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9105

You deserved it

22864

Favorite

By techiefIve - 14/6/2011 10:04 - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16543

You deserved it

53237

Favorite

By CyberPsycho - 28/7/2016 16:24 - United States - Nashville

Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12049

You deserved it

6053

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:25 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my new roommate likes to take the loose hair when she showers and make shapes with it on the shower wall. She calls it art. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31765

You deserved it

3705

Favorite

By iamchazzi - 1/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Madison

Today, I found out that my mom uses my Facebook account more than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3435

You deserved it

532

Favorite

By all shat out - 7/11/2014 06:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33465

You deserved it

4183

Favorite

By KatieB - 4/4/2012 21:11 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32418

You deserved it

7271

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2015 20:42 - United States - Boulder

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30353

You deserved it

2367

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32324

You deserved it

36167

Favorite

By calidumbass - 14/1/2011 19:43 - United States

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8640

You deserved it

121206

Favorite

By wtfbabe - 22/6/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6526

You deserved it

533

Favorite

By thatgirl17 - 31/8/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26096

You deserved it

2472

Favorite

By Timmah - 31/8/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51167

You deserved it

15733

Favorite

By Gregory - 28/11/2008 10:28 - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27344

You deserved it

6290

Favorite

By Drewski - 22/12/2016 00:11 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I am recovering from my second back surgery. I survived four years in the Army with one combat tour without major injury, only to destroy my back the day after discharge by lifting my mother-in-law's suitcase into the trunk of her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9107

You deserved it

595

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/5/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59570

You deserved it

4427

Favorite

By Kris - 6/12/2010 20:31 - United States

Today, I found my iPhone. Too bad it was when I was getting my clothes out of the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14095

You deserved it

29085

Favorite

By oh dang /: - 25/5/2011 11:34

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41359

You deserved it

7484

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/1/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25367

You deserved it

5774

Favorite

By catlover - 20/5/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18473

You deserved it

52360

Favorite

By wtfguys - 13/10/2014 08:17 - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35149

You deserved it

3648

Favorite

By minimoonpie - 7/9/2011 11:55 - Australia

Today, I was serving an incredibly rude woman at work. The ladder I had used to get her two pairs of shoes came crashing down, and hit my face and neck. She only bought one pair, and ten minutes later returned them after complaining they were too expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30991

You deserved it

2677

Favorite

By Chubs - 29/3/2009 12:32 - Norway

Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks: "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

73207

You deserved it

11598

Favorite

By tkdbb11790 - 20/11/2019 14:00

Threesome

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

782

You deserved it

4516

Favorite

By JustMyLuck - 6/9/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19868

You deserved it

51870

Favorite

By need new job - 24/4/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16312

You deserved it

1400

Favorite

By gorillalove - 11/9/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44126

You deserved it

10495

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 10:39 - Australia

Today, after applying for a promotion to a position which I've been working my ass off for two years to get, my managers thought it would be appropriate to discuss other applicants in front of me, even asking me to compare my resume with theirs to see the "caliber" of what I'm up against. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22561

You deserved it

2129

Favorite

By onlyme - 23/5/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16086

You deserved it

64672

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By chyiochan | 30

#7622822 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:23

Don't you mean, "Happy Belated 30th to me."? Because it seems you forgot about it too!

By Cz22mv | 14

#7622868 - Saturday 14 April 2018 20:08

Obviously you forgot too. Why does it matter others did as well?

COMMENTS

By John Nemeth | 14

#7622821 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:13

:(
Happy birthday!
:D

By chyiochan | 30

#7622822 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:23

Don't you mean, "Happy Belated 30th to me."? Because it seems you forgot about it too!

John Nemeth | 14

#7622823 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:28

Ah crap time to go make an FML now.
“Today I wished someone happy birthday when their birthday was really yesterday that their entire family forgot.”

By Yudith | 20

#7622824 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:37

Happy belated birthday, anonymous person!

By kirby1964 | 20

#7622827 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:10

Well, when was the last time you sent a birthday card. If you do not send any, why do you expect any?

By Jayanka | 9

#7622838 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:31

Happy Birthday

By westleigh | 3

#7622841 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:53

Happy birthday! Yesterday was mine too!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7622845 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:34

I didn’t get any wishes from friends and family, but I did get birthday greetings from my bank, my dentist and a 10% off coupon from Barnes & Noble. So, yeah, I’m loved!

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7622849 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:52

So call up your parents and say: “I’ve got great news. I just turned thirty!”

By Nguyễn Hoàng Ngân | 1

#7622850 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:59

Well, happy birthday !

By JordanDempsey | 20

#7622867 - Saturday 14 April 2018 20:08

You’re 30 and still act like the world owes you something. Usually by now, you’re not still acting like a child. Grow up

chosha_fml | 25

#7622894 - Saturday 14 April 2018 22:03

Why would you say this to someone? Expecting your parents or close friends to remember your birthday isn’t ‘acting like a child.’ It’s perfectly reasonable. It’s not like OP was bitching about not being thrown a party.