Holidays and Geek: Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it...

By Anonymous

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

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4528

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Holidays

Geek

And today, on Dr Phil…

Commando

Dicks aplenty!

By jemstuff - United States

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43014

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6555

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By crappy_day - United States

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27523

You deserved it

5758

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By Anonymous - United States - Merrillville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30759

You deserved it

5832

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By fr1day - Australia

Today, it's my birthday but I had to go to work. I catch the train and I am forced to sit next to this weird smelly dude who jumps off one stop before mine. A little old lady jumps on so I shuffle over so she can sit down with ease. Upon exiting the train i notice my pants are wet with smelly dude's piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29942

You deserved it

2234

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By shortyybrooke

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3151

You deserved it

388

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By lolatmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55756

You deserved it

4014

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By HeadStillHurts

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6633

You deserved it

8661

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By fml_forever32 - United States

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25042

You deserved it

2480

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By Anonymous - Italy - Vigodarzere

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40460

You deserved it

4815

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By Wtf - United States - Miamisburg

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83942

You deserved it

4180

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By "Kaluhaluha"

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2334

You deserved it

212

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By Familyskank - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

108354

You deserved it

24858

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By sillyfox4lyfe - United States

Today, I realized that I frequently argue with myself and respond back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28080

You deserved it

13680

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By thisblows - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51640

You deserved it

8695

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By Anonymous

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3728

You deserved it

248

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By hiker - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42411

You deserved it

14174

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 08:01

Gamergate

Today, after I bought a gaming system two days ago, for too much money, to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my life and the world, it broke. So now I’m trying to distract myself from the thing I bought to distract myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1068

You deserved it

214

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45957

You deserved it

31761

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By CaptainStars - 29/6/2020 20:01

Bureaucracy

Today, I ran out of my antidepressants, and I cannot get more because my local hospital is closed, and I can't register online because the only way it will let me sign up is over the phone, due to me living in a rural area. I'm mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1687

You deserved it

105

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 20:00

Rock, hard place

Today, I'm horny all the time, but my endurance in the sack is horrible. Why me? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1234

You deserved it

382

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By anon - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21705

You deserved it

1903

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By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25910

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Marysville

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23754

You deserved it

3821

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By librarygirl - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12139

You deserved it

41748

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By justcomesnaturally - United States - Danby

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7430

You deserved it

34503

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By dinomite

Today, I quit my job after I overheard my boss doing a 'hysterical' impression of me telling her about my dad's heart condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48547

You deserved it

3732

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By Kulcha - Australia

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31374

You deserved it

40291

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By awkward. - United States

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57807

You deserved it

4576

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister, who has been seeing a guy for a year, got engaged. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years and let out some not so subtle hints and he basically refused to propose. This is her second marriage in the time of my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13913

You deserved it

2441

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By NoMagicMike - United States - La Crescent

Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24635

You deserved it

2317

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By paaaallllmmmssss - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22136

You deserved it

3269

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By FML - United Kingdom

Today, my dad drove me to work which is an hour away. 20 minutes into the job, I was told 'Didn't we tell you last week? We let you go.' Clearly, no, they didn't. I had to wait one awkward hour, with my colleagues who knew I was fired before I did, for my dad to collect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32278

You deserved it

2383

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By ohdearyme - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37337

You deserved it

3105

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By kaleigh - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41700

You deserved it

10152

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By cjw - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46490

You deserved it

4296

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By Drew - United States - Newark

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13208

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1136

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By Yuni - United States

Mom of the year

Today, I went to a restaurant that I always go to, and one of the cute waiters gave me a discount. My mother called me a whore in the middle of the restaurant, then slapped me when I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2362

You deserved it

355

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Pragmatic

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24545

You deserved it

4811

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By FUCK, NO.

Today, my pasty white boyfriend told me he intended to try and grow dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1771

You deserved it

291

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By leonieNL - Netherlands

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41485

You deserved it

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Top comments

By chyiochan | 31

#7622822 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:23

Don't you mean, "Happy Belated 30th to me."? Because it seems you forgot about it too!

By Cz22mv | 14

#7622868 - Saturday 14 April 2018 20:08

Obviously you forgot too. Why does it matter others did as well?

COMMENTS

By John Nemeth | 14

#7622821 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:13

:(
Happy birthday!
:D

By chyiochan | 31

#7622822 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:23

Don't you mean, "Happy Belated 30th to me."? Because it seems you forgot about it too!

John Nemeth | 14

#7622823 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:28

Ah crap time to go make an FML now.
“Today I wished someone happy birthday when their birthday was really yesterday that their entire family forgot.”

By Yudith | 20

#7622824 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:37

Happy belated birthday, anonymous person!

By kirby1964 | 20

#7622827 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:10

Well, when was the last time you sent a birthday card. If you do not send any, why do you expect any?

By Jayanka | 9

#7622838 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:31

Happy Birthday

By westleigh | 3

#7622841 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:53

Happy birthday! Yesterday was mine too!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7622845 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:34

I didn’t get any wishes from friends and family, but I did get birthday greetings from my bank, my dentist and a 10% off coupon from Barnes & Noble. So, yeah, I’m loved!

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7622849 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:52

So call up your parents and say: “I’ve got great news. I just turned thirty!”

By Nguyễn Hoàng Ngân | 1

#7622850 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:59

Well, happy birthday !

By JordanDempsey | 20

#7622867 - Saturday 14 April 2018 20:08

You’re 30 and still act like the world owes you something. Usually by now, you’re not still acting like a child. Grow up

chosha_fml | 25

#7622894 - Saturday 14 April 2018 22:03

Why would you say this to someone? Expecting your parents or close friends to remember your birthday isn’t ‘acting like a child.’ It’s perfectly reasonable. It’s not like OP was bitching about not being thrown a party.