Holidays and Geek: Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it...

By Anonymous

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

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Holidays

Geek

BO Central

Out of it

Car Wars

By Christoams - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

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By talwin - Reserved

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

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30137

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3259

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By beaten - United States

Today, my Marine friend got back from his tour of duty overseas. We went out for drinks to celebrate his return. His own form of celebration was to pick a fight with a returning Navy SEAL and his friends. We lost. Badly. FML

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34253

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By segal1010 - United States - Potomac

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

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40775

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By craZycatLady - United States - Mission

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

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33254

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By that one anon - United States - San Diego

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

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36850

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By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

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21909

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

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14190

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By Anonymous - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33024

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2718

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By FroggyGirl888 - United States

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

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By MeowApp - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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6184

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By Dammit... - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

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29175

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By Mimi - United States - Vallejo

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

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61664

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

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25211

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By hakuna matata - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

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28906

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By squishyboy - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

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49574

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By Anonymous - United States - Mission

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

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21598

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

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40749

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By EpicFail - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

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27197

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By Sid - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

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By knee pain - United States

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

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72969

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By LifeLikeLemons - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

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8400

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By womanoski - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

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22385

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By MyDeliveriesCanWait

Today, I received the bubble wrap that I'd ordered. When I opened the box, almost every single bubble had been popped. At the bottom of the box, there was a sticky note that said, "Sorry." FML

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1778

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By Greg

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

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2492

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210

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By Anonymous

Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML

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5503

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By BadGuyLuck - United States

Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML

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35872

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By CassyM - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my 2-year-old asked for cake, so I told her I would make her one. I showed her two boxes of cake and asked which one she wanted. She picked one and happily tried opening it. She'd thought a fully cooked cake is in the box. Ever tried explaining baking to a toddler? FML

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4429

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770

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle, FML

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2579

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1623

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

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24697

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2718

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By moobysrocks - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

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23992

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I came out to my father. He seemed to be totally okay with it, as long as I'm the "man" in my relationships. FML

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33206

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By anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

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41953

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By Anonymous - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

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27530

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By namehere34 - United States

Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8457

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42266

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By fredfredburger - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

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52341

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By anona - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I complained to the train company online. I filled in information and added several photos as evidence. I only realised later that the photos I attached were nudes. FML

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29178

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By rUs7up1d - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31940

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By skichick54 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

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43217

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3716

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 07:04 - France

Pro gamer move

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

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540

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Top comments

By Seeya55 | 31

#7622822 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:23

Don't you mean, "Happy Belated 30th to me."? Because it seems you forgot about it too!

By Cz22mv | 14

#7622868 - Saturday 14 April 2018 20:08

Obviously you forgot too. Why does it matter others did as well?

COMMENTS

By John Nemeth | 14

#7622821 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:13

:(
Happy birthday!
:D

By Seeya55 | 31

#7622822 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:23

Don't you mean, "Happy Belated 30th to me."? Because it seems you forgot about it too!

John Nemeth | 14

#7622823 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:28

Ah crap time to go make an FML now.
“Today I wished someone happy birthday when their birthday was really yesterday that their entire family forgot.”

By Yudith | 20

#7622824 - Saturday 14 April 2018 15:37

Happy belated birthday, anonymous person!

By kirby1964 | 20

#7622827 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:10

Well, when was the last time you sent a birthday card. If you do not send any, why do you expect any?

By Jayanka | 9

#7622838 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:31

Happy Birthday

By westleigh | 3

#7622841 - Saturday 14 April 2018 16:53

Happy birthday! Yesterday was mine too!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7622845 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:34

I didn’t get any wishes from friends and family, but I did get birthday greetings from my bank, my dentist and a 10% off coupon from Barnes & Noble. So, yeah, I’m loved!

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7622849 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:52

So call up your parents and say: “I’ve got great news. I just turned thirty!”

By Nguyễn Hoàng Ngân | 1

#7622850 - Saturday 14 April 2018 17:59

Well, happy birthday !

By JordanDempsey | 20

#7622867 - Saturday 14 April 2018 20:08

You’re 30 and still act like the world owes you something. Usually by now, you’re not still acting like a child. Grow up

chosha_fml | 25

#7622894 - Saturday 14 April 2018 22:03

Why would you say this to someone? Expecting your parents or close friends to remember your birthday isn’t ‘acting like a child.’ It’s perfectly reasonable. It’s not like OP was bitching about not being thrown a party.